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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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We are what we eat we have heard
So I'm mostly tomatoes and curd
And I'm a nice curry
I eat in a hurry
And for me, olives are the last word
The practice of oenomancy
Is one that the Romans did fancy
By sharing a cask
An enquirer could ask
Which actions were safe and which chancy
A strapping young fellow named Clancy
When working the clubs was called Nancy
He strapped while she stripped
And flopped while he flipped
For the clients who all took his fancy
That all-soft'ning o'erpowering knell
Means you're on a journey to Hell Not you, m'dear.
Slip into the mire
To a fate that is dire
And our trip down the hill ´s going swell.
There's a gap in my force-field of love
Through which demons and succubi shove
It's a worm-hole of lust
And romance turns to dust
Which flies to the clouds up above.
This journey could go on forever
And is surely not worth the endeavor
For when we arrive
From a very long drive
There's been a change in the weather
There's a feeling - or is it just me? -
That this verse will stop dead at line three
I'm not one to doubt.







If I reincarnate as a puffin
I'll mulishly call myself Muffin
On the island of Lundy
My partner and me
Will nest-build from navels with fluff in.
We have heard that the winner takes all [T, R, R, S, B]Excellent, free drinks tonight!
But don't fret should the wealth start to gall
Cash can't bring you joy
Unless you're called Roy
But it's better than bugg*r all
[Softers] If I may be so bold - you are significantly short-syllabled and arrhythmic in both your last entries .. thought you'd sussed this game by now ;-)
Marc - The Scansion-class this Fall semester
Will be taken by the head jester [Chalks] I disagree, it does work.
The Rhymer's a clown
The jester will frown
At the way that these matters obsessed her.
Hidden textIt's a jestess.
All our efforts to set the bar higher [Softers] Hope we can agree to disagree. ;-)
have us jumping from skillet to fire
Where we are consumed (Funny Girl) You're right. I'll have a word with him next time he's over.
All pedants presumed [Chalks] Naturally :o)
Class dismissed and now also ceasefire.
Debate is a most healthy thing
At the Darby and Joan Club in Tring
It helps them stay young
And grease up their tongue
So with their friends they can swing
In Somerset, Dorset and Devon
They're always in bed by eleven
But the people of Hants
Are just putting on pants
And they won't be back home until seven
In the flat agricultural east
All cult'ral activity has ceased
The turnips are ready
So tasty but thready
Fit neither for man nor for beast
So The Ashes will grind to an end
With rain being England's best friend
And Broady and Swann
Turn their sprinklers on
As they've more than a penny to spend No takers all week? Ah well.
While spending an evening in Kettering (Chalky) We can lose with grace, but not win.
Perfecting my copperplate lettering
I blotted my book
(As the locals say,"fook!")
Putting paid to my hopes for its bettering.
My computer has not crashed today
Unusual for Windows®, they say
And although I'm pleased
I know if I sneezed
My screen would collapse and turn grey...
Good morning all poets it's time
To celebrate autumn in rhyme
Write of 'mellow' and 'fruit'
And rabbits to shoot
With apples to pick in their prime
But what do you say of the rain?
Well, it's wet and it goes down the drain
It hangs out in pools I thought 'puddles' would be too hard to rhyme. You're welcome
And obeys fluid rules
Before long it will come back again.
The rain in Spain, so they say
Mainly falls on the plain every day
But the Sierra Nevada Some very dubious climatology here.
(the one in Granada)
Is fine all year round, so "Olé!"
While enjoying a Café au Lait
I was asked, "Are you well?". I said "Très!"
Mais le cuillère est bent
Et la tasse 'as une dent - just googled le cuillère to check my schoolgirl french. Ooh la kama sutra la!
Mais le goût, je vous dis, est OK.
*applauds*
*Applauds the limerick; winces at the Franglais*
[Phil] Then I reckon we need more practice...
Aujourd 'hui, le naming de parts
comme les fruits pour le making of tarts
Will commence avec plum
Bien sur, mon ol' chum
Mais ils font tous nos dents plutôt schwartz Aha! See what I did there.
Demain machen wir ein gateau
Mor drwm â'r Tibetan Plateau (Welsh) "as heavy as the".
Ik heb een gros pain
Horror vacui my brain
Und el pastel est dans my zapato
Enough now let's get back to work
Said the dull-witted jobsworth from Chirk
Then off went th'alarm My Dad's from near Chirk.
At 5 on the farm
So he got himself up with a jerk
The jerk I got up with today
Is not worth the money I pay
He costs seventeen pence
I must have no sense
I hope he'll just go away
The mocking the trainspotter suffers
In anorak stood by the buffers
The trains passing by
See the young 'spotter cry
"What's 'Get a life!' mean, you duffers?"
Young Pablo just timed to perfection
His disdain for social rejection
He avoided a snub
But this is the rub
And we offer him full time protection.
Today I think I will shuffle
My coats - both trench and duffle [Chalky] young???
- graze the floor as I walk
And muffle my talk
And fill my big mouth with fine truffle.
Glanting rain and sprale winds are forecàst
In Zeroia the land of my past
Where spallion fields grow
Fine cronx in the snow
And my abras are blooming at last.
Her knickers were bloomy and pink
I smiled, she laughed with a wink.
And as she bent down
A fart rent her gown
And that's what's done drove me to drink
Campari, Pernod, Gin and Whisky
All in a pint glass rather risky
Add a few whites of eggs
To stiffen the dregs
Scoff it down, and feel rather frisky
Your challenge this Tuesday is thus:
Take a flock of wild geese on the bus.
When you reach Euston Square
Disembark with a pair
As the others quack "What about us?" bugger me, talking geese.
The students in British Lit
Should study the format a bit! K-S - you're a syllable short, m'dear!!
The syntax and grammar
Cause newbies to stammer
Plus most think that Shakespeare is shit.
There once was a Viking called Jeff
Who chiselled the first letter F
When faced with the second
Distraction soon beckoned
And instead of Jeff, he was Jef.
Hidden textHey, Edward Lear always used the same ending word for the first and last lines of his limericks.
An orthodox rabbi called Skuld
Discovered his cocoa had cooled
He said to Verðandi
Your blowtorch comes handy
But it's strange that it is bejeweled.
Your challenge this Tuesday is this:
To be pleasant to your little sis
But as for your brother
Your father and mother,
Just carry on taking the piss.
There once was a man from the States
Named Billy - but he had No Mates
Except for Tim Nice
And Leontyne Price
Which kind of restricted his dates
A tale of forbidden papayas It was the idea of a restricted date that got me thinking on these lines
And lovers in heat on the playas
Gave way to the sun
Which ruined the fun
This UV is just sent to try us.
Your challenge this Tuesday is risky
To make it to lunch without whisky
And restrain your desires
To start small office fires
And entice the young temps to be frisky.
On Wednesday the sun will go nova
We'll be done to a crisp; it's Game Over
So let's party all week
Give our fun cells a tweak
And spend the final few moments in clover
My teeth are all falling apart They are.
They're going to hell in a cart
So chewing's a chore
And biting's a bore
It sucks being such an old fart
Being a New-comer, I am always seeking online for articles that could assist me. Many thanks! %KW% Elizabeth http://adw7.ru/user/izlxybtidbt/
Marc - There once was a most thankful Russian
Whose life was once saved by a Prussian
But along came a Spaniard
In a style most maññered
And Olé! El Ruso was blushin'.
Sir Cornelis Maartenszoon Tromp
Was the first to cross Zuiderzee Swamp
But his dugout canoe
Sprang a leak, maybe two
But he got there and arrived in some pomp. well, with a name like that....
I've discovered a whizzo new game
I just need to think up a name
There's only one rule:
You must play like a fool,
And never make two moves the same.
I suggest that we start with this line,
"There was an old man of Loch Fyne"
And then for the second,
A rhyme which is reckoned
Would be absolutely divine!
The Doctor's re-written the past
And Who else but he could recast
But the Great Originator
Or the grim terminator
(We're desperate to make this series last)
There once was a cool desperado
Who claimed t'have written The Mikado
On the opening night [Rosie] I'd have put the "'t" next to Mikado
He just started to fight
With a G & S afficionado
(Kim) I had no particular reason to imply boreality. Isn't this sound really just a glottal stop attached t'' previous word? You can't really alter title o'' work. There ought to be a symbol for it.
Christmas is upon us
'Oh no it's not!' we shout Oh no it's not.
oh poop. I've glow-wormed rather than limericked. Ignore my post.
"'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus It was glow-wormed from the start

Software - Now Christmas is soon upon us
Penelope - 'Oh no it is not!' what's the fuss
Raak - "'Tis! 'tis!" all in chorus
Santa - My brains may be porous
Moniker - I refuse these five lines to discuss.
Or:
Christmas is upon us
"Oh no it's not!" we shout
"'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus
So that all came to nowt
There once was a Limerick class,
For the bad rhyme and rhythm dumbass
When it came to the test
They duly confessed
'Twas unlikely their scansion would pass
Inspired by the moon, as I am
To snort and to rut like a ram
On this cloudy night
I gave Boris a fright
And stole his tart filled with yam.
Hidden textNot a great line but...
Today is the day when it's done
I've dared be tattooed with a pun
This indelible mark
Is a jolly good lark
And a tribute to my only sun
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