mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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And so it begins....

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Then, if nothing goes wrong

I'll be throwing some shapes at a club

And if I'm in luck, then I'll pull

A fancy trick on a bull

It won't buck me off

If I don't start to cough

And my evening would then count as full.

When I do take the bull by the horns

The damn thing stands on my corns

But after some bellows

My misery mellows

'til I take 'nother Gin spiked with thorns...

My carpenter hammered and screwed

He was quite the industrious dude

He made me a closet

In which I deposit

Young Marc when he tries to be lewd :)

My mother is ninety today

So I'll sing her a song, if I may

"Knees up Mother Brown"

And she'll then go to town

For her regular 'roll in the hay'...

On the telly I saw Doctor Phil

Who said I should take this blue pill

But I took the red

My love life is dead

And the willy now lacks all its will

The firm Williams, Johnson & Dick This crowd is a v bad influence

Has taken a great deal of stick

But these upstanding men

Will, no doubt, come again

And give all your egos a prick. MOVING ON

A day in the country is nice

A breath of fresh air for my lice

And my worms like the view

As I visit the loo

And dispose of my dodgy fried rice.

I'm learning to trust my optician

But I still have a nagging suspicion

He's paid just to flatter

Which shouldn't much matter

As I already have perfect vision

With one of my ears on the floor

And the other one nailed to the door

I'm over-extended

Much more than intended

But my ears do not ring anymore

I think that my tongue's swelling up!

I find my pint I cannot sup

But if I had a straw

Or two, three, or more

I'd sip from this large china cup

One day we will run out of air

You'll inhale--and it just won't be there

And no-one will hear

Your screaming with fear

And there will be noone to care

I hope when I breathe my last breath

Of the fumes from that sweet crystal meth

That I'll be in the arms

Of the great Chelsea Charms

And that she is not clearly brain death.

I hope when I drop from this coil This theme is a bit deadly, isn't it?

And I'm under six feet of soil

That someone will say

"He was great in his day"

"But now he is starting to spoil"

I'll be pushing up daisies one day

Until then I'll be happy and gay

I'll dance right through life

With one not my wife [irach] LOL--great line.

Never caring what others might say

I'm hoping when I kick the bucket

It will make the front page in Pawtucket

My corpse they'll cremate
In a neighbouring state
And scatter the ash in Nantucket
Apols for 3 lines - I've never done that before AFAIR, but I had an uncontrollable urge.

There once was a doddy old fool

Who fancied a swim in the pool

He made a high dive

Then - heavens alive -

Trunks slipped, revealed fam'ly jewel

I am stuck in this game what 'bout you?

They should lock all of us in a zoo

They could then charge admission

And give no remission

Till at least twenty minutes past two

I haven't a clue what to say

My mind's in complete disarray

I feel so confused

By words I have choosed

I think I'll just go away

Four minutes and thirty-three seconds

It took to peel 43 almonds (tricky rhyming there, good luck to line 5)

Lemonds?

Now her marzipan beckons

So her pastry chef reckons

Pate d'amande sera bien charmante
Desperate attempt to escape the cage with the unconventional ABA*A*B* limerick rhyming scheme.

I've broken my grandma's sledgehammer

While breaking up rocks in the slammer

She was here years ago

Her offense? I don't know

Except she was a wife of Osama

The thing about being best friends

Should be that the fun never ends

How much fun it would be

If we went out to sea

And you dove and came up with the bends

Come on, you've got nothing to lose

From walking in A. Nother's shoes

When you've walked for one mile

You can pause for a while

And sing a song -- A. Nother's Blues

There once was a song 'bout a girl

Who had a wild fling with an earl

Though not born to the manner or manor, if you prefer

She checked in her planner

To find he was down as a churl
Amazing how few rhymes there are for "girl", as I found when writing a song who's hook line ends with it. Pain in the arse for lyricists...

burl, curl, earl, hurl, kerl, merl, merle, nerl, pearl, searl, searle, shirl, sperl, sperle, swirl, twirl, whirl

and my favorite, unfurl

There once was a song 'bout a boy

Who played every day with his toy

He'd first make it stand

With a flick of his hand

In a way that would give him much joy

Then after, he'd fold it away
[Mom] Perhaps I should have said useful rhymes :-)

His mom would scold him, and say

"You're just so self-centered!"

"Come on, get re-entered!"

I do not care to know how this one ends, thanks.

"And finish our last Wordfeud play!" [cfm]Have you got a pervert mind?

The flowers that bloom in the spring, don't you see? Moving swiftly on - I agree with cfm, the last couple were satisfying only one or two *ahem* 'players'. And neither of them were me.

[pen] Agreed. But that line needs shortening. Hope you don't mind if I go:
The flowers that bloom in the spring
Are saluting the birds on the wing

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