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Cancel Mansell
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Celebrities are everywhere, but not all press is good press - you wouldn't want Anthea Turner at your housewarming, would you? How would you instruct her PR to stop her from appearing at your door with a bottle of Blue Nun? Rhyming, alliterative and cunning punning ways to stop celebrities turning up at your do, please.
Winning Move is Cancel Mansell.
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David Coleman - balls!
Tim Henman - come back when you've won something.
Madonna - Me no wanna.
Mark Thatcher - get lost!
McCartney? Get back to where you once belonged.
Gustav Eiffel? To the Tower!
Michael Jackson - beat it!
Dionne Warwick? Cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
John McEnroe? You cannot be serious!
Damon Gough can sod right off
Younis Khan? Khan't!
[Phil] Send back Inzamam-ul-Haq?
Harry Enfield? No!!
Larry Grayson? Shut that door on your way out.
Kim? Not him! (Solely for a 100% copy of my Larry Grayson!)
Freddie Flintoff? Get yer splint off!
Kate Moss? *snort of derision*. [UK] Apologies.
Floyd Landis - on yer bike!
Heather Mills MacCartney - Hop Off! the 6-button collarless jacket please
Kenneth Williams? Matron, take him away!
Donald Trump - take a running jump.
Tony Handcock? Come back in half an hour.
Gloria Gaynor - turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome any more.
Jenny Eclair - hope she's not there.
Anne Boleyn - head off.
Alex Comfort can f--- off!
James Brown can funk off!
Bill Bailey - go home!
ET - as above!
Paris Hilton - 'S a bleed'n' 'otel innit?
Isambard Kingdom Brunel - Who? No, come on, what's his real name? It's not that sort of do, you know.
Shun Clive Dunn.
I'll tell you what I don't want - the Spice Girls.
Donald Campbell - go jump in the lake!
[UK] ouch!
[pen] I know - I have no shame...
Tommy Cooper - drop dead![pen, UK] how's that for bad taste?
[Softers] Here's my crown...
Stephen Hawking? Buzz off!
Jonathan Edwards - go take a running jump.
Let Lionel Bart depart!
Dr John Reid - Go home, secretary.
Jenny Agutter? Go walkabout! (no, not really, Jenny, in case you're reading)
Kate Moss, take a powder.
Patrick McGoohan - Number six, your time is up. For anyone who remembers the old boating lake gag.
Alan Sugar? You're fired, yer bugger.
Yes - No.
I think we'll let Derek Bentley drop.
Omit Brad Pitt.
Keanu Reeves? Neo way!
Sean Bean should not be heard or seen.
Uri Gellar can get bent
Bruce Forsyth! Nice to see you...no, not really
Jose Mourinho - No, not special enough.
Lord Charles - you're going gack in the gox!
Lady Godiva - Sent to Coventry [HB] L. Charles = V. Amusing
Trigger - Get stuffed!
Ant'n'Dec - You two, too.
Genesis - Exodus
Take That? Take that!
Nicholas Parsons - a deviation too far.
Eamon Andrews - not on your life.
Alexander Graham Bell - Don't ring us, we'll ring you.
Bruce Forsyth - Bad to see you... To see you, bad.
Monica Lewenski - You Suck!
Steve Davis - No, not by a long chalk. (SM) V. good!
Graham Taylor - do I not like you!
Heinz Guderian - make tracks!
Looks like I killed the game, so Sierra Mike - take a hike
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