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Cancel Mansell
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Celebrities are everywhere, but not all press is good press - you wouldn't want Anthea Turner at your housewarming, would you? How would you instruct her PR to stop her from appearing at your door with a bottle of Blue Nun? Rhyming, alliterative and cunning punning ways to stop celebrities turning up at your do, please.
Winning Move is Cancel Mansell.
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Flush Bush.
Elton John? Already gone.
Pink Floyd? Wish they weren't here.
Larry Grayson - shut that door on your way out.
Jules Holland? Later, maybe.
Fat Boy Slim? Anyone but him!
Peter Snow - no.
Sven-Goran Eriksson - I think he is unsuitable.
Edwina Currie - Please leave, and hurry.
The Human League - don't I want them?
Bono, no-no.
William Shatner can boldly go.
Come along, P T Barnum... this way to the egress...
Shakespeare? You're barred!
No, Van Gogh, I do NOT wanna buy a painting - I've gone one 'ere!
Jeremy Paxman - who needs the mad verbal axe-man? (Phil, your first) You should frame that. Top stuff.
David Frost - get lost.
No Jonathan Ross? No loss
Thatcher? Back at'ya.
Bar the way to Reggie Kray; stick a pin into his twin; give a shove-a to their bruvva.
J Lo - heave-ho!
Marcel? Sheer Hell! Oust Proust!
Ainsley Harriet - Get on your chariot.
J M Barrie? Sling yer Hook!
Gerald Ratner? BOGOF!
Send off Beckham.
Wayne Rooney? Not that loony!
Adam Hart-Davis - On yer bike!
Smother Big Brother
David Coleman - balls!
Tim Henman - come back when you've won something.
Madonna - Me no wanna.
Mark Thatcher - get lost!
McCartney? Get back to where you once belonged.
Gustav Eiffel? To the Tower!
Michael Jackson - beat it!
Dionne Warwick? Cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
John McEnroe? You cannot be serious!
Damon Gough can sod right off
Younis Khan? Khan't!
[Phil] Send back Inzamam-ul-Haq?
Harry Enfield? No!!
Larry Grayson? Shut that door on your way out.
Kim? Not him! (Solely for a 100% copy of my Larry Grayson!)
Freddie Flintoff? Get yer splint off!
Kate Moss? *snort of derision*. [UK] Apologies.
Floyd Landis - on yer bike!
Heather Mills MacCartney - Hop Off! the 6-button collarless jacket please
Kenneth Williams? Matron, take him away!
Donald Trump - take a running jump.
Tony Handcock? Come back in half an hour.
Gloria Gaynor - turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome any more.
Jenny Eclair - hope she's not there.
Anne Boleyn - head off.
Alex Comfort can f--- off!
James Brown can funk off!
Bill Bailey - go home!
ET - as above!
Paris Hilton - 'S a bleed'n' 'otel innit?
Isambard Kingdom Brunel - Who? No, come on, what's his real name? It's not that sort of do, you know.
Shun Clive Dunn.
I'll tell you what I don't want - the Spice Girls.
Donald Campbell - go jump in the lake!
[UK] ouch!
[pen] I know - I have no shame...
Tommy Cooper - drop dead![pen, UK] how's that for bad taste?
[Softers] Here's my crown...
Stephen Hawking? Buzz off!
Jonathan Edwards - go take a running jump.
Let Lionel Bart depart!
Dr John Reid - Go home, secretary.
Jenny Agutter? Go walkabout! (no, not really, Jenny, in case you're reading)
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