mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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And crusty, warm French bread *rumbles*

I wish I were a salmon [Pen] Nicely topped and tailed

Swimming to my spawning ground

And though I'm going 'gainst the flow

My methodology is sound I wonder why some "stick"?

I wish I were a stick insect [Software] I think it has to do with the movement of the stick market

Just like Peter Crouch

I'd stick one in the Kazakh's goal

I really am no slouch

I wish I were a Two-toe'd Sloth

I just hate having five

I'd spend each day just hanging on

To prove that I'm alive.

When I switched on my telly

The news was far from good

I've lost a lot of money

So let's play Robin Hood.

When I switched on the wireless

To hear Evan Davis drawl

I sat and quietly panicked

It made my skin just crawl

I wish I were an ingot

Locked up in Fort Knox

Safely away from mayhem

In Uncle Sam's steel box

It's not the way I planned it

It's not like it should be

Alas, it's all gone pear-shaped

But it suits me to a tee

I wish I was a chimney sweep

Just like Dick Van Dyke

I'd stick my brush right up your flue

And shake it, if you like. My coat? How kind......

I wish I were Italian

Ruthlessness plus charm

I'd cruise Roma on Lambrettas

A compare on my arm Compare n. crony, close pal, buddy. Literally, "godfather" in Italian.

I wish I were a compère Compère n. master of ceremonies. From old French, meaning "godfather".

Oozing wit and charm

I'd denigrate the other acts

And call Queen Lizzie "Marm"

I wish I were a Comice Pear

A female shape for sure

Narrow here and wider there

Luscious, juicy, phwooar! Er, sorry. Saw a copy of The Sun in the Co-op.

I wish that baleen whales had teeth

(irach) Have you started a limerick?

(Rosie) No. It's exactly the same format as earlier one in syllables and scan...)

And roamed upon the land

But wouldn't want to stand beneath

As they walk down the Strand

[i,R,p,S] Lovely. Qualities of Lewis Carrol about it.

I wish I were a vendor

Of pies and potted meat

And with the cash you tender

My bookie I would meet

I wish I knew exactly

How I would react

But I am so uncertain

So that wish I'll retract

I wish I were a bishop

With mitre, cope, and crook

I'd stand out on a chessboard

From queen and knight and rook

I wish I were the President

I'd set the whole world right

From my perspective, obviously,

I'd be neck-deep in the shite

I wish I were a cheeseboard

That smelt like gorgonzola

An aroma sooo Italian

Like Monza and Imola Har har

I wish I was in Magny Cours

In a Citron set to go

My lemon-powered vehicle

More juiced than a Poiregeot

I drive a Massey Ferguson

A farmer's boy I am

It is a strange attractor

To every little lamb

I wish I were a tube of glue

I would be stuck on you

In fact I am quite super

and sticking's what I do

I wish I had a bus pass

Alas, I'm far too young Hur, hur, hur...

But never mind, I can wait

Until I am well-hung Yes, coat please....

These days there's no denying

That we eat far too much Still haven't finished me birfdy choccies.

So let's all check our diets

With low-fat meals and such

I wish I could be Santa

If only for a day

Let's say the 25th of June

Or else the 4th of May

Genius...

I wish I could write poems

Of elegance and style

That touched the reader's very soul

And left them with a smile.

I must not be unwary

Of opportunitee

So when the chance arises

I grab it all for MEE!

I wish I were a hosepipe

Connected to a tap

Instead I'm just a drainpipe

I'm really rather crap

I think my phone is dying

Its number has come up

I'm ringing for a doctor

But he can't think of a suitable rhyme for 'up'. Mercy killing

I really wish that Camembert

Did not smell quite so strong

I'd like to gobble down a pound

Despite the awful pong. oblig.

I wish that influenza ack ack

With whisky could be cured [Pen] Get well soon.

But this, I fear, is fanciful

But drink it if your bored. Get well soon, pen.

I wish that pen feels better

Than pencil in my hand What?!?

Abhor all things hexagonal

We live in circle land

I wish I were a hedgehog

Scuttling 'cross the road

I'd swerve between the traffic

Till permanently slowed

I wish I was a kerb stone

I just love to be stepped on

And scraped by fancy wheel-rims

And occasionally slept on

I wish I were a conductor (CdM) Nice one.

Feeding voltage to a train

Trundling up the District Line

My job's a shocking pain

I wish I were a Christmas card [pen] I was half expecting the rather more prosaic "and trundling down again."

Sold for charitee

For orphans or for UNICEF

With love for you from mee

I wish I was a Dundee cake

A-fill with fruitiness

Scoffed in no time - yum yum yum

Then thrown up - what a mess

Each day I feed my pussy cat

It grows a little fatter

And when I think it's grown enough

I'll fry it in some batter

I wish I were a lighthouse (Darren) You BASTARD!. Welcome back, BTW.

Standing firmly on a rock

So everyone who saw me [Rosie] Thanks!

Could sail in and safely dock

It seems the harbour's frozen up

And though it looks quite nice. easyfeeds r us

I think there'll be some fun and games

if someone has the dice

I wish I were a slithy tove

A-gimbling in the wabe

I'd stick one to a borogove

Then frabjously outgrabe

I wish I were on the Ning Nang Nong

Where the teapots jibber joo

My flannel's got a funny pong
Was that from washing you?

I wish I were a domino

Then all these spots I've got

Would mean more than just acne

They'd be right on the dot

My life is like a pack of cards

And fate is playing poker

I've only got a pair of eights

And Mr Soot the Stoker

I wish I were a roulette wheel

I'd take you for a spin

And if you said "Rien ne va plus!"

I'd still ask for your PIN.

And now alas, I'm stony broke

I've frittered all my cash

On booze and birds and lines of coke

Hidden text

Rude alternative:-On booze and birds I didn't poke.

You pay the bill - must dash!

I wish that Amy Winehouse would

Put on a paper bag

She really is an ugly, skinny,

Tone deaf, pissed up hag.

Findus fish fingers are no more Some spiffing ones in the last week, well done!

The Firm's be frozen out; iCPB - excellent

Captain Birds Eye rules the roost

Such gastronomic clout.

I wish my unicycle had

An extra wheel or two

For I'd prefer to bi- or tri-

-cycle along with you.

To drive an eighteen wheeler

Needs a beefy set of pecs

Unless there's power steering

Or warp drive (like Star Trek's)

I wish I were made of perspex

I just love acrylic glass

Every part of me'd be see-through

But not my clothes, alas.

I've just received a box of cheese

Tilsit and Bel Paese

My cheesy habit they will foster
Replacing Brie and Double Gloucester Don't get me started on cheese...

I wish the folks of Limpopo

Would choose a better name

And Peneloopij's scansion

Is OK. What a dame!

I wish I were a hedgehog

Curled up into a ball

A compact spiky little sphere

Impeneteraball. ....apologies....

I wish I were elastic

Your highly flexing friend

Our friendship is fantastic

But plastic in the end

[K, S, p (me), J] That one is exciting and sad at the same time.

I wish I were a Velcro strip

I'd stick where I'm not wanted

And when you ripped my sides apart

I'd be non-orthodonted. ....difficult....

I swim beside my manatee

She's such a gentle soul

Without a trace of vanity

We queue up for the dole

I wish I were a High Court Judge

I like to dress in wigs

With toupée tape they shouldn't budge

On my Old Bailey gigs

I wish I were a magistrate Continuing the legal theme

Sitting on the Bench

Dispensing justice all day long BTW; we had magistrate twice before

To every wanton wench

At last I've found my one true love

I found her in a cave

She dropped upon me from above

… It's been a splendid rave!

I wish I were a botanist

Researching Cannabis

I'd take samples home with me

And hallucinate in bliss

I wish I were the very last

On which my shoes were made

A boot I'd seek, a sole-searching soul

One that could be laid. coat!

I wish I wasn't left-hand-drive gah, I'm struggling with it - and often set off on the wrong side of the road, despite a new easy-to-drive car and a helpful sticker on the windscreen.

It's clearly just now right;

now = not :o(

I can't change gear with my right hand

Not since I had the fight moicy

For fifty miles I chased the Stig

In my Cooper S

But just as he was in my sights

I span off - what a mess.

They once put Clarkson in a tank

Of boiling caustic soda ...dream on...

But the b*stard's really so thick skinned

We wait to write his coda

I wish an anaconda could

Wear a feather boa

On the catwalk it would slither

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