arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
Pea and Honey Recipes
help
I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
arrow_circle_up
Life's so unfair, it hurts
I wish I was a mezcal worm
Condensing boozy vapours
In stasis there I would remain
A source of mental capers
I would I were a pint of ale
As clear as amber dew
I'd sit upon my beermat
Anticipating you
As swift as Summer Lightning
Your cooking passed through me
The thunder rumbles on, though
As does the smell of brie
I wish I were an antelope
An ungulate or deer
I'd skip across the grassy plains Do I sound like a lumberjack? Hello, Darren. Where have you been, then?
And wonder why I'm here
I like to play upon my oud
Or my didgeridoo
But as for my soprano sax
it always leaves me blue
I wish I were a tangerine
I really don't know why
They say I'm prone to whimsy
My head floats in the sky
I wish I were a dicky-bird
A-sitting on the fence
I'd then uncover what occurred
If I were not so dense
To wait and watch and listen
While drinking whisky sours
Is, I think, a great fun way
To while away these hours
To fart and belch and chunder
Is what every Aussie loves
So is it any wonder
They don't quite sound like doves. v few rhymes
I wish I was the Ace of Spades
So black and curved, yet pointed
We aces all are renegades
When trumped we're disappointed.
I wish I were a saxophone
All levers, pads and keys
I'd be blown and fondled
Is no-one going to finish this bugger? It's not that difficult, surely, and it has stood here for 4 days.
Right between the knees
For hours I stood and waited
For any sign of you
I sighed and contemplated
Stalking someone new.
I wish I were a chainsaw (Quen) That's the 'cello, surely. :-)
I'd really get a buzz
From taking part in massacres
And perplexing Texas fuzz
I wish I were a plank of wood
With no termites around
By carpenters I would be nailed
By creosote be browned.
I booked a flight to Katmandu - Last three - neat :-)
It seemed a good idea
I then went on to Timbuktu
Tomorrow, Llwynypia. It rhymes, it scans. Look it up. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
I traveled to the Isle of Man
(The third leg of my trip)
I spent three days in fun Milan
Some tw*t put me in knip - I dunno - I'd barely uttered the word scaloppini... and there he was, brandishing his Mario Batali Oil Drizzler ...
Begone, vile knippieri! (Phil) V good
You've blighted my whole game [irach] Very nice Texas line above, especially the internal "x" repeat
(My mother said: Be wary
If Maelberg's and Beck's are the same)
This isn't quite a poem
Although it rhymes and scans
The words just come a flowin'
And look best in Gill Sans.
I wish I were a sonnet
That perched upon a tree
But then would someone read me?
Yes, arborists certainly
O! if I were a petal
And you a honeybee
I'd love your sweet antenna tickle
As you crawl over me
All things that squirm and wriggle
Are a delight to me
Ooh, how I love those maggots
How they enhance a brie!
I wish I were a paper bag [Rosie] Deft!
For airsickness on a plane
I'd catch all those nasty bits
Your loss - recycling's gain. (Tuj) Cheers.
To loop the loop is my delight
All on a springtime morn - [Rosers] neat finishing on last two
When up is down and down is up
Invertedly airborne
It started in the treehouse
It continued in the shed
It traumatised my wee mouse
Which came into my bed.
I wish I were a critic
Of literary works
I just love lambasting authors
Solipsistic berks!
I swung my axe with gusto
I chopped something in half
I put the vid on YouTube
Please add an epitaph.
Three cheers for "last line" Rosie
He's really on a roll
No matter what our prose be,
With Rosie, it's not droll
I really am most flattered . . . no last line this time . . .
And so you should be, chum!
Because you have a way with words
Stand up to roll of drum!
In spite of all the plaudits
Pride's a Deadly Sin
Some rank it first of seven
But I think Sloth should win
[Simons] I was going to post that line. But then I couldn't be bothered.
I wish I were a sinner
Evil of intent
I'd take my cues from Lucifer
On chaos I'm hell-bent!
A-sitting cross-legged on a cloud
Reciting a Lim'rick out loud [SM] Are you in the right room?
With my head lowly bowed go with the flow
(I've no right to be proud)
I wonder if this is allowed
I'm glad I'm back to normal
Whatever 'normal' is
It's less than semi-formal
Just not quite the biz
I'm glad I've regained consciousness
I thought I'd be dead forever
But how shall I escape this box?
That's my next endeavour.
I'm taking half of your estate
I think it's rightly mine
Since I am your conjoined twin
Sign on the dotted line
As I awoke this morning
My little dream was scotched
I knew I'd made a boo-boo
'Cause my tartan sheets were blotched - I'll get my jacket then ..
I wish I were a referee
'Cause I look good in black
And what's more I'm a bastard
And common sense I lack
[Rosie] I remember once seeing some "humorous" foreign language translations in preparation for a big football tournament - Italia 90 World Cup maybe. The one I always recall is "Bastardo" = Referee. Still makes me chuckle.
I wish i was caddis fly
Skimming o'er the water (Bigsmith) The thing is "Bastardo" is actually an Italian town and surname.
I'd keep and eye out for the trout
And the salmon's hungry daughter
I wish I were a paperclip
I'd straddle many pages
And though I am dispensable
I pay my maker's wages
I wish I was a stocking top I have a precise idea where this one might go, but I wonder if anyone else gets it?
Encircling a fine leg [pen] This may be off your female beam, given my gender
Mmm, cricketers in lingerie
In mid-slip, for which I beg
It really wasn't cricket
But more like table tennis
My stocking tops went off the boil
as Nancy said to Svennis It's the tatty denim jacket...
A Viking who ate much salt cod
[irach] is your mind really on this?
let's try a revamp:

I wish I'd been a Viking

Intent on rape and pliiage
Because I have a liking (Assuming it's 'pillage' not 'pliiage') please, go ahead...
To escape this tiny village.
I'd love to be a warrior
I'd warry and I'd warry
But dressed in all this armour
I'd not get quizzed by MORI. Non sequiturs - c'est moi.
"Morituri te salutant"
Was once to Caesar said
So then he went and conquered
Who said that Latin's dead?
Sorry if you all know this one, but, back in the mid-seventies two years' study of Latin was still compulsory at my school. Handwritten in the front of my (very old and much used) textbook was this wonderful little ditty: "Latin is a language, As dead as dead can be, First it killed the Romans, And now it's killing me...."
I wish I'd been a Roman Last one v good
And lived the Roman ways
I'd doff my toga in the baths
With all the other straight people moving right along...
Latin is a language
With endings and declensions
It's quite the grammar sandwich
With classical pretensions
How fond I am of Kipling
Of Kim and Gunga Din
Of verandah-settled tippling
Small tonic, lots of gin.
I wish I'd lived in days of Raj
With my hookah and my bhisti
A most impressive entourage
Quite unlike E L Wisty.
I want to turn the decades back
And have my time again
Well, maybe not the early days
'cause teething was a pain
I wish I could remember
Why I came upstairs
But I'm sure that it will come to me
Perhaps I'm hiding from the Blairs?
a merciful end...
I wish I was a dentist's drill
A-grinding at your teeth
I'd snigger as I hit a nerve
And the touchy stuff beneath. (Softers) You BASTARD :-)
I wish I was an albatross
A soaring o'er the briny
I'd check out female Albatrii I know...
E'en though my willy's tiny. (Botherer) That's all right then. :-)
I wish I were an eagle
Perched on my cliffside aerie
Bunny rabbits, watch your back
I feel a little queerie
I would I were a hummingbird
Sipping nectar dawn to dusk
I'd beat my wings so very fast
I'd not have time to busk There, that's that then
I wish I were Geordie (Softers) Well done. I found that one impossible.
I'd call everybody man
I'd preface statements with "Why aye"
And shirtless try to tan (Rosie) busk and musk were the only words I could think of so was hinting at working up a sweat...
I'd love to sip some Earl Grey tea
With rusk and homemAde scones
I'd feel so very dignified
Talking in snobbish tones that's how I pronounces it
I wish I were a white van man
Foot hard on the floor
I'd rob the middle classes blind
And undercharge the poor Poetic licence invoked
I wish I was the Moomintroll
But why I just don't know
Perhaps it is the Snork Maiden
Her norks are rather droll
I paint my feet with mayonnaise
And stand on Regent Street
But only on those sunny days
When rats deserve a treat
In Noorvik lives a noble moose
The monarch of the tundra
He grazes lichen all the day
And fresh leaves by the hundre(d)
That's a point on your poetic license, Mr Raak. We'll be watching you.
The oboe is a woodwind
And has a double reed
The clarinet has only one
Which quite fulfils it's need
Oh, please, lend 'us a tenner
I'm short of a few bob [Kim] scan a bit sus, there, mate :o)
A fiver simply will not do
'Cos I'm a boozy slob.
[Softers] Oh, please, lend 'us a tenner - 's wrong wi' that?
[Kim] Sounds a bit limerickish to me.

Anyway:
I wish I were a bookie

I'd make more dough than bakers
So get my share of nooky
With the movers and the shakers
I have a niece called Sunny
By name and nature too
She wants to join the Moonies now
The silly little moo
Curses! Simulposted and with a very similar line.
I like my Brie all runny
Disgusting though it looks
As long as it's not furry
Then I'd throw it at the rooks
I wish I was a Bo Peep sheep
All lost and undiscovered
But my mistress for me would go seek
She really would be bovvered
I wish I were a conker
And be the conkering hero
But 'gainst the oven-hardened champ
My chances approach zero
I wish I were a-sunbathing
A-naked on my porch
Scandalising passers-by
Who giggle while I scorch
I wish I were the gas-man
I'd cut off your supply
And that would be a gas, man
Because I'd make you cry.
Step on the gas man!
I'm flying down to Rio
Sugarloaf Mountain beckons
My jouney is con brio
Or so the Missus reckons...
I wish I were a real cool cat
And stunningly good-looking
Dick Whittington would disown his
And I would get his booking
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord