mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

For my topiary is fine

Some might say they're mildly rude

Like privates, by design.

You know how badly these things go

When scansion is awry

As weaker poets' failings show

Pablo

No matter how they try

I'm glad I'm not a tuning fork

With but a single note

For I have a complex waveform

And a terrible sore throat

I wish I had more sex appeal

But wallflower, that is me

I hang about in corners

And I'd rather watch TV.

I wish I were on holiday

In some exotic place

Dreaming I was far away

From all the human race.

I think I've had enough of work Ain't that the truth

It takes up too much time

It dulls the soul but pays the bills

Oh, buddy, spare a dime?

[RTG] Nice

They say that work, and lack of play,

Will make you rather boring

But I have always found a way

To live it up while choring.

Well, that's the Jubilee done

These flags are now redundant

Until the next coronashun

When once more they'll be abundant

I wish I had a magic wand

Such havoc I would wreak

As master of the demi-monde

I'm half-price all this week.Moving swiftly on...

I'm glad I'm not a hosepipe

Because I'd soon be banned

From pissing in the garden

In a manner underhand

I wish I were in Essex

'Cos I'm a dreadful chav

nights

I'd down ten pints of Stella

Then puke up in the lav. oblig.

Great stereotyping there, is there more?
I wish I were in Bristol

In my Vauxhall Astral car

Scoffing some bananals

Down 'arbourside Oo Ar

Ah wush ah were in Glasgy

Tae swag doon Sauchiehall

And Gie m'sel a swally

Is't me ye're lookin' at, Jimmy? traditional

Hmmm... I wish I were Mancunian

Let's 'ave it. Proper sound

But you all think I'm in Corrie

'Cos Boddingtons you've downed.

I'm glad I'm not a scouser

With inimitable speech

It's way more posh in Southport

And great on Formby beach. Hooray!

Y tanllinellwr

If I sound like a Brummie

As Noddy Holder does

You'd imagine I was scummy

As Noddy Holder was

Hidden text

It most certainly _duz_ rhyme

It's my turn for Prime Minister

I'll soon have this mess fixed

I won't do owt that's sinister oblig.

'Though feelings may be mixed

I've got loads of fireworks

They don' arf make a racket

We'll blow up all those dire berks

Tho' they cost a packet

I glad I'm not in Qatar

But I'll watch it on the box

Where punditry and chat are

Making unimportance into shocks.

The 12-day countdown starts today

so let's go down the pub

And sing a jolly roundelay

Then get some beer and grub.

We want some figgy pudding

But Tesco is sold out

So I'll make do with some parkin

And a jug of curried trout.

Surprising what Tesco stocks nowadays!

Forgot that auld acquaintance

And never brought to mind

Eschew that cup of kindness

That's not the way, you'll find.

Twelfth Night is upon us

Whichever night that is

Hidden text

I've never been quite sure how to count it.

We marked the date with honours
At our local's Annual Quiz

Burns Night us upon us

I'll get the bandages

Let haggis take the honours

I don't care what he sez

The trouble with marmalade

Lies deep within my psyche

It's a pithy problem

Trauma for breakfast - oh crikey.

I wish I'd heard the news that

The sun's going supernova

Best get on a Vogon ship

To wait safely till it's over.

I'd like to thank the one-eyed toad

Who plays for Tottenham Hotspur

She's often seen at White Hart Lane

Hoping for a transfer

Outside it's wet and windy

Inside, it's quite warmer

Really, I can't wait for spring

Oh! Is that the first Keir Starmer?

Mercy killing

Let's try and get this back on track

Just like a railway train

Simons Mith

So you go lift it from the back

The train will take the strain

I wish I was an artichoke

Classier than a cabbage

I'd look down on asparagus

And all the other baggage.

Now if I were a penguin

An emperor I'd be!

I'd lord it over all my realm

In this bloody freezing sea

I'm going to dine al fresco

In Skegness's bracing air

My ready meal's from Tesco

I'll eat it with amazing flair

I'm going to take a holiday

South Georgia here we come

Among the sheep and penguins

I'm bound to feel at home.

<

I want to take a few days off

Just to spite my boss

I'll pretend I've got a nasty cough

If he sacks me—that's his loss!

nights

It's finally the end of term

See you in September

I now have time to wiggle and squirm

Which I'll do, as a Morniverse member.

I wish I had a crystal ball

Just like Mystic Meg's

I'd swing it hard against the wall

And smash it just like eggs oblig.

I wish I were a solar flare

Bursting into space

Making havoc with the upper air

Whilst leaving not a trace

I wish I had a giant cake

To satisfy my greed

But oh my friends, make no mistake

A wish is not a need.

To start my little Hallmark rhyme [KS, R, C, R] That last one - too perfect! Cake all round!

I'm scribing with a pen

Though I'd rather be a mime

It's nice just now and then

Seasons come and seasons go

But love is aye forever

I only wish that that were so

For some divorce will sever

I think that ev'ryone complains

Simons Mith

About the town of Bracknell

And all because that rower, James

Did change his name to Cracknell

When I join the House of Lords

And give my maiden speech

I'll summon all my Zords

To take Black Rod to the beach.

I wish I lived upon the moon

To see earth rise each morn

Just once each twenty-seven days

From dusk right through to dawn

I wish I lived in outer space

Far from the madding crowd

With Bathsheba Everdene

Or with Girls Aloud

I'm glad I'm not a doctor

'Cos I'd be underpaid

Not like a college proctor

Where fortunes can be made

blamelewis

I wish I had an antelope

For they are very tasty

When butchered fit for Masterchef

To make a Kenyan pasty.

blamelewis

I wish I hadn't started this

It leads I know not where (Raak) That's not what they call them in Cornwall

So please be mindful when I kiss

You don’t know what’s “down there”.

I wish that were Santa

For then I would see

When you last had your chimney swept

And who's atop your tree

I wish I had a Christmas tree

With a fairy on the top

Against which my small dog could pee

He will; he cannot stop

If I were a Santa's elf

I'd hammer all the toys

blamelewis

And into one or two I'd slip

Some poisonous alloys

They said that this dog was for life

But life is short for some (Bis) That's rather limericky

[Rosie] Oops...

So I've made him my next of kin

In case people think that I'm dumb.

I wish I spoke Swahili

Then I could reconnect

Perhaps more touchy-feely

No, I'm more select

If I were a snowman

With a carrot for a nose

Angular and Roman

You'd see how much it glows.

If I knew then what I know now

I'd choose a different course

No longer would I need to bow

To Romans, Jutes, and Norse (lament of the Iceni)

I wish I knew the secret

Of trying to sing in tune

But I have a voice just like a frog

So I'll serenade the moon.

I don't forgive the roundheads

For actions cavalier

Old Olie was a tyrant

And he took away our beer

I wish I weren’t innumerate

So mathematically numb

I can't work out the interest rate

Being Chancellor was dumb

I'm glad I'm not Jeremy Hunt

For taxing is his role

And I feel taxed just standing up

But rhyming slang's his goal.

I hold it, hold it, hold it more

My effort is in vain

For now it’s down there on the floor

Next time I'll use a crane.

I wish I were an elephant

In the corner of the room

All would see but none would tell