(pen) Shurely if you can say "piss" you can say "arse"? I know I can, and in style. I think the plural of "whim" is boring old "whims" and of "sheep", "sheeps". Just ask a Frenchman.

(pen) I have a friend (whom I have seen recently) of 57 years' acquaintance. Is this a greater proportion of my life than 30 years is of yours? Come on, have to hurry you.

Like Rosie I have a friend that I first met at primary school, so that is also 57 years, and I am younger than Rosie.

I am 44 and married the person I sat next to in Infant School.

I seem to have missed the boat a bit, but I've stil created an advert