...a dog playing chess with its owner. So he says, "What a remarkably intelligent dog!", and the owner replies, "Not really, he's lost the first two games."

A West Virginian man walked into a bar....an' it et him to bits!
Explanation upon request.

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a cheetah.

He was trying to pull a fast one.

And never forget the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"

Well, my great uncle died of deafness...

...he didn't hear the steamroller.

Four fonts walk into a bar.

The barman says "we don't want your type in here."

[BtD] Presumably the publican didn't like the look of their face?

[BtD] You're a Tim Vine fan, aren't you?

I said to the newsagent, "I'd like to read a magazine on the supernatural, please."
Newsagent: Fortean Times?
Me: No, just once.

[MF] In all honesty - I don't know who Tim Vine is - but if you think he'd make me laugh...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Q: what do you call a communist volleyball player?
A: a red setter.

[Lib] That one just sticks in my mind.

Tim Vine writes a lot of this kind of one-liner. Most of the gags on this page are by him, esp. the ones lower down. He's a regular on ITV's The Sketch Show, which is starting next week I think. He's also on tour this year.