(pen) Have you heard of the Cloggies, a cartoon strip of yesteryear, by Bill Tidy? They were a clog-dancing group from a northern industrial town. They won their competitions by assault which normally consisted of co-ordinated knees to the goolies of their opponents. One of their members was The Blagdon Amateur Rapist, a middle-aged man who wore nothing but shoes, socks and a tie and humped anything that moved. Let none of this distasteful nonsense detract you from your burgeoning romance.

[rab] You still on honeymoon? You seem to have been there for ages.

I was going to tell you I'd just cut down a bush, then remembered what a euphemistically-inclined lot you were and decided against it.

Nah, tis conference season.