[nights] The cooling fan.

As I take worshipping the almighty Crescent very seriously I always post in complete silence, while sitting in the lotus position.

The hum of the server, the toot of the sandwich van pulling up in the car park, intermittent Tourette-like outbursts of frustration and the clattering of keyboards as my colleagues - nay, UNDERLINGS get on with their proper work while I skive.

[nights] My tinitus.

For some reason, the latest CD I've bought is one of chamber music - trios, quartets and quintets - by Schumann. So that's what I'm listening to.

oh gosh you're all funny. I'm listening to one of my legendary mix tapes on headphones while sat in the library.

[nights] You think a background whistle that cannot be silenced no matter what you do is funny? You are one sick puppy.

I'm listening to the music of a band called Elbow. Somewhere between Schumann and tinnitis.

The beat coming from the morons downstairs.

It's gone very quiet in here. You don't all live beneath me, do you? Only that would be a sure sign the cyanide cake we sent them worked.



Oh, have I said to much? *prepares to destroy the evidence*

*too much

I've been listening to various radio shows today, and will start to listen to the last HHGTG episode in a bit. Probably. Other than that, it's the whirr of three or four computer fans and the occasional whine from the cats.

But what I'm really listening to is the sound of my going up the wall as the local anaesthetic from my dentist's visit wears off and my gums itch and my teeth hurt. Aargh!

I was watching TV with my flatmates the other week and they switched onto something about cosmetic surgery. Squeamish enough as I am at the best of times, I started busying myself with the fridge when they started describing how one woman was going to have reshaping surgery on her genitalia. When they proceeded to mention that she was having the operation under local anaesthetic, I decided it was time for me to leave the room.

[Bif] No, I'm not sick. I was just too tired to read entries properly. Bad nights. In your basket.

[ZK] Oh isn't shared housing lovely? Still, I got up at 06h45 this morning to make sure I actually got a shower today before gettingthe 08h bus. Worked as well.

Got my first ever P45 today. Whee!

really? first ever? I'm 19 and I've had two... and I made it home again despite the best efforts of First Avon and Somerset Buses.

[ZK] I assume this woman had some ghastly deformity which was being corrected, but my mind is now fillinh unavoidably with the concept of cosmetic genital reshaping, like a bizarre form of topiary. What will they think of next?

I am currently listening to nothing. However, I will shortly be listening to - and indeed watching - the nice new DVD I just got, which is vol. 3 of the American Folk Blues Festival 1962-69. It looks like it's probably not as good as vols. 1 and 2 (especially the latter, which featured among others Lightnin' Hopkins, T-Bone Walker and Howlin' Wolf, bringing the coolness factor dangerously close to critical mass - as well as the apostrophe quotient), but this one does apparently feature a young and hip Buddy Guy. I saw Buddy Guy a couple of months ago and he was old and hip, and kindly let us have our picture taken with him once we'd beaten our way through the frenzied fans. Never have I seen such adulation of any performer - you'd think Jesus had got onto stage to unleash a few funky licks. So I approve of him.

Anyway, I should, hopefully, be listening to a lot less of unwanted noise now that I've moved in with my young lady friend for a bit. This is a much quieter area and the walls are thicker. In my old flat, I could hear my next-door neighbour snoring as clearly as if he were in the room with me - a ghastly thought. He apparently went to bed at about 8pm and stayed there for at least 12 hours, as far as I could tell. Fortunately I have a large and versatile collection of ear plugs - but I'll be glad to use them less for a bit.

I'll be quiet now before this starts to turn into a blog. Whatever that is.

cosmetic. i kid ye not.

uuuuurgh that's just bizarre. when are you on BURN again ZK?

[ZK] Before: Wayne Rooney or possibly Jesus, if Google is anything to go by. After: Chilly Gonzales ??

10-11pm on wednesdays, except this wednesday is our last show as the station's license has run out until march. daft.

ah. yes. Hmm. I wil be unable to join you for the chat on Monday as I will be in Italy. For the whole week. Hurrah!! (And as for the date situation, we just had date four - brunch in Chelsea - and it's still lovely.) :o)

I just got asked out and said yes...what do I do now?! *hasn't been on a date in 2 years and the other ones all sucked*

ooh MC love. go for it, be witty, be charming... be yourself.

I'm not sure I've ever been on a formal 'date' so I don't know what the protocol is. Hello from Edinburgh - I also won't be at the chat tonight as I don't have a phone line yet. BT claims it doesn't exist, but I can see it, and if I plug a phone in, there's a continuous tone which I believe is the 'you need to phone up BT to make this work' noise, but BT claims the phone line doesn't exist so, erm, ...

[ZK] I think "turn up" is the first step, but after that I'm not sure.

[ZK] You're asking people online what to do on a date? I think by definition we're the last bunch to ask such a thing!

[rab] when I moved into my house down here the first thing I did was test the phone line, got the same result you did, called BT from my mobile and they turned it on and set up my account the same day. however they're now making it very difficult for me to cancel as we've now got telewest, so swings and roundabouts.

sorry to comment twice, but I've had an awfully good idea for a game. so first dibs on any new slots that come up...

[ZK] I have said this before, but it bears repeating. While on your date, do not under any circumstances bite your datee on the buttocks no matter how firm and round they look and no matter how opportune the moment seems.

[nights] Weren't we about to do the whole tag team thing? Or did that happen really quickly and I missed it?

[Stevie] I've just spent the afternoon having worse suggestions than that put to me by my friends. In front of my date. But I have to ask; are you speaking from experience or common sense? If the former, please give details.

[ZK] So, how did it go? Need to know! Hope your friends didn't put the cat amongst the pigeons too much!

im too horny for my own good

no doctors out there then!?

im a nurse think iv got same simptoms as you

im a guy! how so the same

oh yea. well i know your gagging for it now yea??

MY DICK IS HUGE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lib] Allow me to clarify my own scrambled english. I referred to the lad in question as "the date" although the date is fact not until thursday. Although they were taking the mick so much he had to wait until I left and follow me to sort out precisely when we'd be going, as we couldn't talk sense with the rest of them around! Ah, stupid gits, though I love them all. So I'll let you all know, probably at about 3 in the morning on Friday.

[ZK] good luck, I'm sure it'll be fine. Just be yourself. Worked for me, and never mind the fact that I have been single for exactly one year today. Sob.

[Tuj] I think you missed it dude. I think. I might be thinking of MCiOS.

[travis, b laine] get the hell off this server.

No, we were going to have the tag game. The team-test game was there to test the team colours out, and the intention was for someone to start the tag game in its place. But no-one did, and some passer-by started something else instead. Your bad.

I'd just like to say how lovely it is not to have to use the airconditioners now that the weather's cooled off over the last fortnight. Most readers here would be used to the opposite problem, but let me assure you it's not been at all nice. And it's great to be able to walk outside without fainting from the heat and humidity. 18 to 30°C is pretty good, really.

Back to your regularly scheduled programme.

[ZK] Oh, very much from experience I am sad to say. And when Mrs Stevie found out it went very badly for me, I can tell you. She drinks far too much coffee and as a result can be a tad excitable over the most trivial things.

Strangely, I was speaking to a work colleague today, and realised that his breath smelt of hampster! I was a bit distracted, as you might imagine.

Well! Remember my radio show? The station's licence is up till march, so last night was our last show for the forseeable future. I couldn't figure out why Lottie was so jittery....until my date for this evening (now I boyfriend, I'm given to understand) turned up in the second half of the show with a bunch of red roses. I think I may be onto a winner here....
[snorgle] Said date also kissed me, an experience I tried to make as brief as possiible as I'd been eating crisps all evening, and then, later, cheese sandwiches. Breath is indeed a tricky business.

[ZK] Well, you must tell us when it's back on the air. The show, I mean, not the snogging. We wouldn't want to listen to that. Well, not most of us, anyway.

March - if we get another time slot. Though if Drinky backs us up (which I think he will) we should be alright.

I sincerely hope so. I missed the show as I was busily eating chinese food at the best chinese in the world, the hong bistro, southgate street, bath. go there, eat yourself pear shaped.

We now return you to "The Banter Page". As we left, ZK was telling us all about her love life...

[ZK] What flavour of crisps? Be explicit.

obviously!

[Snorgle] You call that explicit??? Where are the long descriptive passages on the sensual texture of the comestibles and the overwhelming tide of passion they aroused in your young, inexperienced bossom, or the desire they sparked in you to dress in tight, shiny, man-made fabrics?

Now I'm hungry again.

[Stevie] Here, have a crisp.

I'd just like to announce that I have played a move in every MC5 game today.

If you're feeling at a loose end, howsabout you expand that in the Furcation Game? It could use a bit of a kickstart, that one.

I think this game needs an advertising campaign, because I love it. I've devoted small chunks of my life to it twice now, and yes it's a behemoth, but things just seem right with the world once you've moved. Go on someone, please!

(Tuj) Absolutely! I am never so agreeable as after a good shit. Ooh, wonderful! (Stevie) Wossa bossom, then? Have I got one? Have you?

[Stevie] Ready Salted, I seem to recall. Still, we had a good smooch after donuts on Thursday. Heck, he'd been eating onions and I didn't even notice.

Not that we were randomly eating onions, mind you. That would just be silly.

[Tuj] I desperately wanted to, but after about six months of not posting a move it became apparent that I don't have quite the spare time I once did. Which is a pity, because I long ago thought of a particularly devastating move which would have given new meaning to the words "it's hard to play Acre Street variants".

Ooh... No, must remember curiosity killed the cat. Mind you, I'd imagine it's an easier task to play a move now that the dramatic strands have been conbined to some extent. Anyway, to a player of your character, surely 18 moves is nothing... ;]

Yes, but if I wanted to play it competitively, I'd have to do a lot more than 18 moves in order to raise the bar. :)

Maybe to promote other people to join in you could play a few less - after all, it is The Furcation Game rather than Acre Street. Wouldn't that be nice for the community?

Then when they're in you can get 'em...

I would participate in the Furcation Game, but I have absolutely no idea about HTML. Bit of a handicap.

[ZK] Hooray! You seeing him again?

[theatre folk] Sorry for being a bit spammy, but if you know any folks in London who are theatrically minded, Thos and I are in the early stages of planning for Jekyll and Hyde - the panto, and we're looking for a production team. If you know people who'd like to add something unpaid to their CV (but done in a proper theatre, like), please could you ask them to peek at the vacancies halfway down this page? Spam ends.

nights, and anyone else] The HTML isn't that tricky, and as I discovered on my first move you can generally just steal other peoples' tables and the like and repaint them. Then there's that excellent basic guide people regularly post links to which I can't remember the address of...

It is a site created by our own Dr Q+ (who seems to have disappeared) and can be found here.

[nights] Well I hope so, seeing as he's my boyfriend now. Hurrah!

There's a sticker on my door proclaiming "Blood donors love life" which somehow feels like the opposite of a grocer's apo'strophe.

[rab] careful, you're drifting into grammar pedant territory, and I know enough of them by fortune of being a languages student.

[ZK] Oh I am pleased. Good for you!

[ZK] I think I might have one too... how many dates does it take to qualify?

[pen] Based on negligible experience, I think "boyfriend" is what you call it when:

• ...you stop counting dates.
• ...the next date is "when", not "if".
• ...you start counting days/weeks/months since the first date.
• ...you stop calling it "dating" and start calling it "seeing".

The state of boy/girlfriendshipness must be formally announced, ideally through a public advertisment in The Times, but these days more commonly on the official web-based boards set up for this purpose.

I always understood the situation to become officially acknowledged when, and only when, you were finally caught out behind the bike shed. Or adult equivalent, I suppose, in this case.

I think that it's when engaging in romantic liaisons with a third party would be frowned upon by the other person. Unless they're involved as well, of course. That's an entirely different matter.

Penelope is proud to announce that after many years of searching, she has found a man with sufficiently low standards to happily accompany her for cocktails, noodles, full English breakfasts and participate in the odd snog.
[Rab] will that do?

aw it's all going off around here. let's hope nights is next, eh?

Yey Penelope!

Yey yey Penelope!

I just hope he is good enough for you.

I too enjoy "odd" snogging. It has been a cause of much friction between Mrs Stevie and me, but only when she's asleep as she finds the whole thing a little strange (or as she would jokingly put it "Get the hell away from me you twisted goon").

What's odd about your snogging then?

*Dances round with a multitude of glee at Pen's excitement and sings 'Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah!* Well Done hon! Also keeping fingers crossed, just incase!

Well done Penelope! I thought you put "participate in the odd song" at first.

Goodness! It must be - er - something to do with autumn. I'm very pleased for you all, and kind of jealous, which is odd given my non-single status. There's something thoroughly pleasant about starting going out with someone that is intrinsically better than actually going out with them, however nice and fulfilling the latter may be. I'm sure Aristotle had something wise to say on the subject.

(Lib) Better than keeping your legs crossed.

that's enough of that please, ladies. hoorah for you, pen! hope it works out.

(nights) I'm not a lady, and possibly not even a gentleman. :-)

I knew I'd get a comment like that. gaaaaah.

[penelope] Er, I don't know. People asked us if we were boyfriend/girlfriend before we went on our first date, and we agreed that we were. I don't think it's supposed to be done that way. However, I hope you've got one. A boyfriend, that is. Yay! All my friends hate me now, even the taken ones. It's quite amusing.

[ZK] If your friends hate you now it must be because they nurse a secret and all-consuming love for you, and cannot stand to see you attached. This can be a problem if it leads them to murder your beau horrifically and attempt to win your love by sending you his heart through the post, but you can turn it to your advantage by cynically playing on their feelings and promising them affection in exchange for obeying your whims. Correctly done, this can result in your having a small army of emotionally warped zombies at your beck and call. Then you're the one who decides who gets horribly murdered.

Rosie] Inamorato, I'd say...
Breadmaster] When's the film version out? Sounds great!

[BM]I've got a friend who does that..

(Tuj) And you'd be right - clever c***. :-)

tempting, tempting...

I think it might be time to emigrate. goodnight everybody!

Does anyone know where I can buy a hatstand?

[Rab] cheap option - junkshop. I bet IKEA do one too...
TITFER - beech veneer bentwood hatstand, with room for three trilbys, or one beret plus a Homburg.
How smart though, to be be wearing so many hats that you actually need a hatstand!.

[Pen] Surely if he was wearing them he wouldn't need the hatstand?

[Rab] By drilling a 3/4" hole in your hardwood floor and gluing a length of broomhadle into it one can fashion a hatstand in minutes.

Buy a moose. That way, you can take a selection of hats with you wherever you go without worrying about them being flattened in a suitcase.

Rosie] Charming... I almost take that as a compliment! Mind you, I'm only 300 points away from getting my PedantGold Reward Card...

AT a fraction of the cost of Penelope's Ikea "TITFER" (assembles in two or three evenings) and Stevie's daft "broom" lash-up one could buy a pound of ten-penny nails and pound them into the walls all over the house, providing instant access to a low-cost hatstand wherever one was when the urge or need to de-chapeauinate overcame one.

Bif] Pounding takes effort though; even persuading someone else to do pounding takes effort. Now, you may think Stevie's idea takes effort, but it's effort for something seemingly pointless, bizarre and/or amusing, so that doesn't count.
These are the rules upon which society should be based. Well, they work for me.

At the risk of incurring the Wrath of Stevie^TM, a not inconsiderable factor given the fearful doings of same in a strikingly diverse range of arenas, the biggest problem with the broom handle idea is that it will make an excellent hatstand for exactly one hat, notwithstanding the possibilities of stacking. There may need to be pounding of nails in order to provide sufficient hat affixation devices upon the broom handle for it to be a practical proposition.

There is the additional worry that if this broom handle pounding is performed that you will be providing a readily accessible spiked club with which one might be, how shall I put it, persuaded of the error of one's ways by an irate spouse, partner, or owner of said hardwood floor, so maybe we should just be content with the one hat after all.

Dunx] If you've been beheaded you don't need any hats at all... My lies, my beautiful lies!

I suspect that Stevie is, in his utilitarian and no-frills manner, thinking of a situation where one has only one hat, and a broom handle would therefore provide adequate hat-storage capacity. After all, you can't wear more than one hat at a time, can you? So there's no need for more. Although, to be fair, my parsimonious attempts to "slim down" all the contents of the wardrobe along this principle drew stern wrath from my own irate partner. I tried to argue that one only wears one set of underwear at at time, but this had little positive effect. So perhaps the broom handle idea would prove equally unpopular.

It's actually a hatstand for two hats. Hang one, wear the other. The minor inconvenience of having to wear a hat to bed is more than made up for by the elegant and unfussy look of the stand.

"One TITFER please. Can you deliver it to Rab in town this afternoon?? Thank you."

Hello again from an infrequent visitor. I'm now PC'd and broadbanded-up at home, so might be about a bit more. (Not immediately though, I'm off for a pint to celebrate getting this thing working!) Is everyone enjoying their weekend?

Can anyone point me in the direction of Dr Q's handy guide to HTML?

Here it is.

Thanks Darren, you are a wonderful person.

Bring back missiv trellis

[splooge] We've got a Missive Trellis game running on Orange MC at the moment ("The Epistle of Mrs Trellis").

[Bigsmith] yes I am thanks, I've got a week off from lectures. hooray for reading week!

[nights] Enjoy!

[everybody] you'll like this. while working at *a certain well-known UK supermarket chain* on saturday, I had a woman refuse to pay for her shopping, because the total was £6.66. she had to buy some chewing gum, mainly out of fright, before she would cough up. honestly. just a number.

I spoke too soon. :o(. I'd pay for the £6.66 shopping - everything else I do appears to be jinxed, what more could go wrong? Double :o(

Poo.

[nights] Couldn't you offer her 1p cashback and charge her £6.67?
[pen] :o(

[bool] long story, but no. cashback of 1p would be more trouble than it's worth, in many varied and frightening ways.
[pen] he's not worth it...

[pen] what? nooo! why?

[nights] More proof, were any needed, that the entire human race is totally beyond help and needs to be culled urgently before more stupidity is committed. You should have told her that "666" is only one possible reading of the verse, and that variants exist, notably "646", and I don't see anyone worrying about that. It's just about Nero anyway.
Further to this, consider the exceptionally annoying experience I had today. I went to the bank to draw a bank draft in foreign currency that I urgently need to send abroad. They told me that they can write a bank draft in pounds on the spot, but one in foreign currency has to be done by the head office, and takes a week to arrive. I asked why they can't do one on the spot. They told me they didn't have the equipment. I asked what equipment they required for this that wasn't required to write one in pounds. They looked shifty and muttered something about printing and exchange rates. I decided to give up on the argument rather than start asking them how a bank was unable to determine an exchange rate - I mean, if only head office can do it, why can't they ring them up and ask? I also decided not to press the matter of its taking a week to arrive from head office - do they send it by donkey? This is the kind of ridiculous rubbish we have to put up all the time. Insane, arbitrary rules that make no sense whatsoever, and for which no explanation is offered. For God's sake, how much harder is it to write a draft in Singapore dollars than it is to write one in pounds? I also restrained myself from correcting the bank person's execrable English ("They can send it to us or to yourself..." - "yourself" is reflexive, you mouth-breathing moron!). Why can't anyone in London talk properly?
I'm going to go and simmer down now. This is how I get after night shifts...

'Yourself' as misused by e.g. hapless bank tellers is usually a sort of attempt to sound professional or formal by someone who is not sufficiently in command of the language to be able to do so properly. I find it grates too, but telling myself that does reduce the irritation quotient - a bit.

I do my 'bear with a sore head' impressions in the mornings, such as today, when I was woken up by the Jehovah's Witnesses Q: 'Did I disturb you?' A: 'Yes.' The fellow should have withdrawn gracefully then, rather than trying to run through his spiel. It was not appreciated.

I sympathise, Simons Mith. Some years ago I seem to have stumbled across a method of reducing/eliminating nuisance calls from the Mormon bretheren. I had a shop at the time. A couple of their 'missionaries' came a-knocking in an endeavour to sell me their wares. In a shop, for heaven's sake! Anyway it was a quiet day so I took them on. An hour or so later, with only a few short interruptions for customer attention, they left - leaving me with a copy of The Book of the Mormon (interestingly sub-titled Another Testament of Jesus Christ) and a promise to pop back in a few days to give me time to have a look through it. They did not return. Disappointing in one way, most pleasing in another.

Luckily for me Bigsmith Towers is equiped with a large forward facing bay window, so (during the hours of daylight at least) i can see the buggers coming. This gives me the time to dust off and cue up a bit of good old death metal - something like Venom or Cradle of Filth - strip to my underpants and answer the door with can of Stella in hand. They don't stay long....

What's their success rate like, I wonder? It strikes me that anyone vulnerable to this sort of thing would have succumbed years ago, and then would sell out to the Mormons and so on as each came round in turn. If their success rate truly is zero, WHY DO THEY WASTE EVERYBODY'S TIME DOING IT!?

...from the author that brought you "Blessed Are The Meek", "Render Unto Caesar" and "Oooh, this Cross Stings A Bit".

I've often wondered about that myself, Simons Mith. After all, if my forebears are to be believed, even the tramps used have a 'secret' code which they scribed before someone's dwelling to indicate 'Probable', 'Possible', 'Unlikely' and 'Don't go in there the dog will eat your balls and dump your remains in the bin'. Then again, most tramps are probably better organised (and intelligent?) than those of whom we speak.

I can just imagine it, Projoy: Bible IV The Ultimate Experience - Includes the Creator's Cuts.

I live in a student house, and it was a student house for many years previous. I think they've learnt that we have absolutely NO surplus money - it all goes to tescos or over the bar. and I generally tell jehovah's witnesses I'm jewish. gets rid of them.

I love it when Jehovah's Witnesses come round. I engage them in discussion and refute them. Unfortunately, they tend to be a bit thick and not realise they've been refuted. Eventually they try to get away but I don't let them. It helps if you have a Bible to hand, since their Bibles are subtly rewritten, for some peculiar reason. They're obsessed with the bit about the sea in Revelation.

An acquaintance of mine found they left pretty sharpish when he fired a shotgun into his own living room ceiling.

Try to reason with Jehovah's Witnesses. Score 1 point for each time they try to prove something by saying "but it says so in the Bible". Score 5 points if they agree that something in their manual isn't as accurate as it should be. Score 10 points if they want to leave plus get a bonus 5 points for getting a free Watchtower. I got 26 points once.

I live in a flat now, with an entryphone, so I never get them anymore. I did used to enjoy arguing with them, but if I am in that mood nowadays, I can simply come on here and say something that I know will get Breadmaster going :).

I wonder that the JWs haven't yet thought of email spam as a method of disseminating the good news.

They don't try very hard around here - a couple came to my door, quite elderly and passed over 2 free Watchtowers without saying much more than hello. The lady asked me if I thought Jesus was born on Xmas Day, so I just said "I dunno" and shut the door.

I have learned from experience that a little politeness goes a long way: for example:

Double-glazing salesperson: "I just want to ask you - if you could have any room in your house double-glazed for free, which would it be?
Self: "None of them, but thanks for calling." [Click]

Financial services salesperson: "Do you have a couple of minutes to take part in a customer survey?
Self: "No, but thanks for calling." [Click]

Door to door religious salesperson: "Can I interest you in the word of the Lord?
Self: "No, but thanks for stopping by." [Click]

I find that the little gesture of politeness catches them momentarily off their guard and enables you to put the phone down or close the door with a clear conscience and without leaving an opportunity for comeback.

[Projoy] I hope you're not lumping me together with Jehovah's Witnesses! Reminds me, for some reason, of the old and rather silly joke, according to which a man sees someone about to jump off a high building and attempts to talk him down. He tries, "Do you believe in God?" "Why, yes," replies the would-be suicide. "What a coincidence!" says the rescuer. "So do I! Are you a Christian, Jew, or Muslim?"
"I'm a Christian."
"What a coincidence, so am I! Are you Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, Coptic, Persian?"
"I'm a Protestant."
"Why, so am I! Are you Lutheran, Reformed, Anglican, Methodist, Baptist, Evangelical Free, Pentecostalist, Quaker, or Anabaptist?"
"Reformed."
"Me too! Are you Remonstrant or Non-Remonstrant?"
"I'm Non-Remonstrant."
"So am I! Are you Prelapsarian or Supralapsarian?"
"Supralapsarian."
At which the would-be rescuer pushes him off the ledge, shouting, "Die, you heretic!"

[Kim] on the one hand, you're right, and I should probably make the effort to be pleasant. on the other hand, being forced to say "thanks for shopping at *a certain well-known UK based supermarket chain* " really gets on my nads, so I feel like all my politeness has been used up.

however, I DO manage to say "cheers drive" to every bus driver I meet, and on a good (or possibly bad) week, that's at least 20. thank goodness I've got a bus pass.

[nights] I know two people with bus driving experience, both of whom detest with a vengeance being addressed as "Drive". Unlucky, I say.

Just interupt and barge in for one moment, one of my other Celebdaq accounts Not the Ant Hill Mob is on the front page at No5. *jumps up and runs round the room again*

I got to No. 4 on the front page once *sigh*. Now, I think both my accounts have lapsed - both newjustine and evil_edna. :o(

I'm pleased that I'm currently second here.

Gosh. We currently have no less than 3 Knights Of The Realm/Garter/RoundTable gracing the Home Page - Sir Henry, Sir Joseph Ba'guette and Sir George the er .. hesitant.
They're becomin' orflay commonplace nowadays ..

Hello, Chorlkey... nice to see you pop in for a bit.

Why thank you, kind rabster. Why so gravelly?
Acksherly, I did a bit of popping last week but have now fully completed my peregrinations abroad so should get the chance to pop in for lots of bits from now on :-)

Just had some aggregate delivered, you see...

Meanwhile, I wish the person calling the phone in the next office would get used to the idea there's nobody there...

(rab) And what did it come to, in total?

[Bigsmith] on the other hand, half of the bus drivers in Bath are Polish, so they probably don't get it.

I usually thank the bus driver, just with a "Thanks". Mind you, in Cardiff, they come in for a lot of abuse including being stoned and shot, so I feel sorry for them.

I have more contact with bus drivers than is good... too much public transport usage! And a "cheers" or "thanks" usually suffices, 'cause generally they're very moody. I've only ever met one nice one, and he was actually a scheduler/office worker or summat who'd been drafted in to drive the last bus of the day. Still, he gave me a lift about 8 miles off-route and didn't crash into anything, so I'm not complaining.

I once got on a local bus in Pontypridd, driven by the usual driver, who was very nice ordinarily. Unfortunately he had just broken up with his girlfriend and seemed to have a deathwish - as we drove along some roads with very steep drops without stopping the whole trip it was a wee bit scary..

In Edinburgh the whole 'to-thank-or-not-to-thank' dilemma is solved by having exit doors in the middle of the bus. Communication with the drivers seems to be strictly discouraged, in fact, by virtue of them sitting in a perspex isobooth. Your fare is poured into a slot, whereupon the driver presses a button to signal its descent down the chute of destiny into the locked safe of eternity (they don't, famously, give change). The ticket appears from a hole in the wall. The whole thing works so that even eye contact with the driver is a near impossibility... I quite like it that way.

In a more civilised and less cost-conscious world we'd have bus conductors and the driver could get on with his job undistracted, and undelayed.

I had the eerie experience last night of travelling on a coach whose driver had the exact same name as me. I'd never met anyone else with my name before. It's decidedly creepy.

My colleagues googled me and discovered someone with my name that they claim also looks exactly like me. I dispute this (not only because he's over 50 and American). But I'm still slightly disturbed.