Sigmund Freud - [Bavid] Crap. Pudding Mill Lane would be closer to the mark, I reckon.

Seto Kaiba - [SF] I wouldn't go flinging mud around when you're making moves as bad as that one.

None of you will be worth bothering about once I install the new Kaiba Corp HQ at Temple.

Sister Wendy - What a fine pair of bollocks our friend Kaiba is sporting there. Crossharbour & London Arena.

Nikita Kruschev - Call that a move? We will Gunnersbury you!

Sigmund Freud - Oh, Yeah? You and what Arsenal?

Dale Winton - Am I late? Oh my mind's all in a tizz! I just caught the train from Richmond, don't bold that, and darling... what do you mean you bolded it? Darling that's not right. Oh alright then.

Floella Benjamin - [Dale] So catch the train straight back, you w*nker. With a bit of luck, you'll fall through the gap at Finchley Road and we'll all be spared your mincing antics.

Mrs Trellis - Now now ladies. Bank.

Sigmund Freud - What a shocking suggestion. But Poplar.

Dale Winton - I feel agression in the air, but who's it going to be?

Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania (in exile) - Bugger off, the lot of you. I'm trying to get some peace in my Swiss Cottage.

The Real Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania - [!CPEoLR] You sir, are an imposter. Bugger off yourself. East India. Yes, that will do.

The genuine Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania - Next! Prince Regent.

The People's Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania - I'm Spartacus! Bethnal Green

Eustace Crown, President of Lower Ruritania - To my knowledge, Lower Ruritania does indeed have a Crown Prince Eustace, a Real Crown Prince Eustace, a genuine Crown Prince Eustace and a People's Crown Prince Eustace. I trust Euston is appropriate? To be perfectly honest with you I don't care if it isn't.

Zarqhor the Annihilator - Fear me you snivelling humans ! I arrive belching fire and emitting noxious fumes. Look upon my moves and despair, oh puny creatures of Planet Earth. That which is righteous in my indignation, verily shall it come to pass. Therefore, cower - cower ye feeble things and behold Tooting Bec

Floella Benjamin - Up yours, Zarquor. Belching fire and emitting noxious fumes? Not while I'm recording Play Away you don't. We have standards to keep, and besides, I don't want to upset the floor manager because he saw me doing things to Brian Cant on the platform at Shepherd's Bush and might mention them in the wrong circles, if y'know what I mean.

Sister Wendy - *thwack* Cyprus is where I'm headed to get away from you lot.

Mrs Trellis - Well that gets rid of the goofy penguin. Borough. Pardon me, too many cucumber sandwiches.

Zarqhor the Annihilator - And flames shall engulf the surface of the Earth and there shall be hissing and spitting as of the sulphurous vapours from the pit. And lo, a behemoth shall rise from the molten crust, yea from the very mantle of the Earth. And its name shall be Poplar and all will fall beneath its mighty gaze. And the trembling masses shall quake and quail before the Beast of the Unfathomed Deep. And home will be declared at Brent Cross. And a sky-blue pink podume shall be rendered up unto the mighty Zarqhor by way of sacrifice and to attempt amelioration of his mighty wrath.

Sigmund Freud - That's it. I refuse to continue to treat you lot as serious psychiatric cases, worthy of my attention. It is evident you are all as crazy as electrical coots, and should have been consigned to Monument (nearest stop for Bedlam) years ago. I shall now retire from this discussion, and devote my life to choosing which contestants on I'm a Total Idiot and Laughing Stock who hasn't had enough Media Exposure Lately, for God's Sake, don't Get me Out of Here until I've Made a Total Prat of myself for at least a Week to enter in my Celebdaq portfolio.

Pepperami - Wassa matter with you wimps? Aincha ever been verbally abused before? Too Knightsbridge for a straight fight, are ya?

Sister Wendy - I think ye can all feck off ta Mornington Crescent.

Audience - *shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Sister Wendy*

Mrs Trellis - I won this you goofy pillock.

rab - I have a sneaking suspicion that Sigmund was gil and Floella (or possibly Mrs T) was Bob the Dog.

Zarqhor the Annihilator - Vengeance upon the slimy mortal by the name of Sister Wendy shall be merciless ! The Great Zarqhor had MC in three, how dare this art-loving provincial nun dare attain the mighty Home Station before the all-powerful, all-conquering Zarqhor. Be warned, ye minnow in a wimple, annihilation is not a pleasant fate ! And I, Zarqhor, Master of the Realms of Dark Matter, Overlord of the Pillars of Andromeda, Nabob of Pluto, shall not take this lying down. For the hyperpotent Zarqhor is really cheesed off. Consider thy habit slighted and thy rosaries cast asunder. Thou hast been naughty in his opinion and shall suffer the loss of podumes up to and including all bronze podumes.

Floella Benjamin - [rab] Rong, you thicko. :o)

Zarqhor the Annihilator - Floella is penelope or I shall eat my titanium headgear.

Mrs Trellis - [rab] OK - Half right - doggy kisses, Bob :o) Sister Wendy? rab, I'll be bound!

rab - [Mrs T aka BtD] Well, I don't think removing me from my habit-at was rocket science. But then, neither is rocket science...

penelope - [Z the A] It's my smile that gives it away, dammit. Here, have a biscuit. That helmet will only get stuck in your teeth. ;o)

Zarqhor the Annihilator - The pathetically simple to unmask players so far

• Mrs Trellis = Bob the Dog
• Floella Benjamin = penelope
• Sister Wendy = rab
• and it has been suggested (but not confiirmed) the Sigmund Freud was gil

So what about all those Crown Ponce Uselesses? And Pepperami, to name but a few.

rab - [ZtA] Martha Farquar?

Zarqhor the Annihilator - I am not nor have I ever been a Martha Farquar, nor will I ever be one.

Bob the dog - And I never temporarily masqueraded as Bavid Dowie.

gil - I confess to Siggy Froyd, Pepperami (because Siggy had resigned) and Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania (in exile) - but not any of the others.

rab - In addition to being a nun I was also The People's Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania (but none of the others).

Blob - As no-one accused me, I'd better own up to being Zarqhor the Annihilator

dog face - you can all just shut-up coz u smell no one likes u and floella bejamin can go and bum dale winton

your mom - get in the lot of you