Summarise a novel you have read in one sentence. Extra points for smugness, pretentiousness, sarcasm and double back-flips. Ending move as standard.
Lady Chatterly's Lover
Servant gets in the sack before getting the sack.
Wisden's Cricketers' Almanack
For the boring man in your life.
Tale of Two Cities
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
The 39 Steps
Lucky bastard starts war.
The Horse Whisperer
Bumpkin solves townies' horse (and other) problems.
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves
Nitpicker's of the World Unite!
How Green Was My Valley
Love among the slag heaps.
The God Delusion
I'm the only infallible one, says Dawkins.
On The Beach
Everyone in the whole world dies, except for the unfortunate reader.
The Tomas Covenant Novels
Leperous.
The Malloreon
If you liked the Belgariad, this is exactly the same.
Ender's Game
It's not a game.
catch 22
comme ce, comme sa
the satanic verse
plane crashes are harsh
the world atlas
here, there and everywhere.
oliver twist
it will turn out ok as long as you want more
naked lunch
aliens come in baggies
waiting for godot
he's not coming is he?
Waiting For Godot
[speed] OK - but it doesn't beat the genuine description - 'A play in which nothing happens - twice.'
A Scanner Darkly
Who's asking?
Something Wicked This Way Comes
Carnival folk. Distrust them.
The Silver Locusts/The Martian Chronicles
The case for vaccination.
Das Boot
The North Atlantic Ocean in winter is cold and wet.
Iron Coffins
If you ride around in a U-Boat during WWII, the RAF will shoot at you.
The Day The Earth Stood Still
I felt the Earth move.
The War of the Worlds
If you're going to travel abroad, get your shots.
Barbarella
In space, no-one can hear you cream.
Njial's Saga
No-one gets on with the neighbours in Iceland.
The Story of O
Heroine leaves her abusive lover who hits her with a riding crop a lot for the arms of a saviour, who pokes her in the bottom with a red-hot branding iron, then hits her with a riding crop a lot.
That last one could do with cropping.
The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
Not Caesar's salad days.
The Naked Lunch
Orgone slick with feverjuice in wildcut edit backfold.
My Family And Other Animals
A Humane Zoo.
There's a time to live and a time to die
Well, there is - and it's now.
The AA Book of the Road
Baffling at times with no sense of progress.
The Hound of the Baskervilles
Dog bites man
Chesil Beach
It'll be alright on the night.
Stig of the Dump
Young Neanderthal living in dump tries living in middle-class residential house but concludes that dump is preferable.
The Little Book of Mornington Crescent
There is in it what is in it; 'tis a mirror held up to the reader, whereby if a donkey look in, surely a sage will not look out; the ends of all things are revealed within its pages to he who has the key; it keepeth away the pox, the flux, and the weeping sore.
Audience
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Raak*
Babbit
Guy goes through a midlife crisis and tells a very boring story that makes you fall asleep.
The DaVinci
Man meets girl during a murder and discovers thst she is secretly a decendant of Jesus.
This is the end of the line. There is no more.