A disaster movie set on public transport.

Movie musical in which a young woman spends entire story steadfastly refusing to give into sexist pressures, and then does. Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta both star in skin-tight black clothing.

Alec Guinness and company fail to kill somebody.

Tom Hanks and company fail to kill somebody. In incomprehensible accents.

The Meaning of Life is not revealed satisfactorily. And you can't find the fish either. Lots of vomit.

An alien comes to earth, but does no harm and returns home.

There's this gold ring, lots of people after it,supurb battles,mega bucks scenery, some little people with hairy feet take charge, the ring is melted.

Completely out to lunch and thoroughly surreal; Dickie Bird is misrepresented as The Penguin, and I do not even begin to understand what Catwoman is all about; merely demonstrates beyond all shadow of doubt that Americans do not understand cricket at all.

An intriguing nineteen-forties thriller in which you never find out who killed the girl. Mixed in with some filler material about a sick author in hospital, although the period detail tends to lapse in these sequences.

Neither Abigail nor her party appears in this due to budget shortages.

(actually, no, I shan't bother with this one, since a plain synopsis would do the job just as well).

Another adaptation of Hamlet, but with crucial details cut out such that the story is very difficult to follow.

A man loves his mother very much.

Socrates annoys a lot of people and gets executed without ever finding a satisfactory definition of piety.

And I know that's a book - but how much worse would the film version be?

The hero, a failure, steals from, then murders a successful sky-dweller, motivated entirely by envy and sizeist prejudice.

Typical rags-to-riches plot, weakened by the unbeleivable glass slipper episode.

Incredibly, the entire movie contains not one single reference to Nietzsche.

"Let's do Star Wars, with jokes! Or perhaps not."

Jews are bad. Transvestives are good. Meddling dead people know what's best for you.

The movie begins when the earth blows up, this is found to be insignificant.(I know that the movie is not out yet but hey)

The plot is of the radio series is chopped up, rearranged and generally screwed around with. This is also found to be insignificant.

Yes!
	No!
Yes!
	No!
Yes!
	No!
Yes!
	Yes!

His father is a petty thief, and he learns petty theivery from him. No-one dies.

Rosebud was his sled.

Turn off, tune out, stop thinking and believe.
Indigo
Turn off, tune out, stop thinking and believe.
What The Bleep
Turn off, tune out, stop thinking and believe.

An exultant celebration of the peak of Western civilisation.

The singing nanny demonstrates a deft touch for childcare and gets off with the chimney-sweep.

The singing nanny demonstrates a deft touch for childcare and gets off with the baronet.

Sigourney Weaver gets a haircut, everyone runs about for a bit, then Sigourney Weaver dies. Warning: contains scenes involving Charles Dance.

[With apologies to Raak] An exultant celebration of nature vv the pits of Western civilisation.

[with apologies to Raak and Bob] A bunch of disjointed images with music to match.

Frank Drebin attempts to prevent the assassination of the Queen using all the skill, subtlety and ingenuity of the real-life police force. The main clue that it's a comedy is that he succeeds.

Black and white film, dodgy camera work, cheap backing music (a guy playing a zither - can you believe it?). Oh, and the leading man does't appear until an hour into the film. All the hallmarks of a cheap B-movie, I think you'll agree.

Some astronauts don't die.

It gets cold.

Apparently it wasn't.

Surrealism. Murder. Bare breasts.

A group of eccentric old men do considerable damage to the British war effort, but apparently make up for it by capturing a couple of German airmen at the end.

Two implausibly sunny children squeak incessantly while a mad inventor and the heiress to a sweet factory fall in love in a car which is half Bentley half umbrella.

Lots of vampires around lead by vampire with short-man-syndrome. Big show down with good guy with flashy sword, baddie goes pop like the weasle.

Lots more vampires now led by Emperor Palpatine. Lots of freaky GM vampies. Oddballs vampires join good guy, odd balls die one by one. Good guy falls in love with odd ball, shows her a sunrise - oops!

Even more vampires (really you'd think more than one person would have found out about them by now!) now led by some dim girl having a perpetual bad-hair-day - good a reason as any for wanting to kill people I guess. One whiney ex-vampire who thinks he's funny gets beaten up, good guy loses best friend, Dracula fails to find a shirt with buttons or contact lenses that stay in place. Upset by this he fights good guy, dies. Sun rises, lots of vampires turn to dust. Sales of dust-pans go up by 60%, duster making factory saved - all live happily ever after.

She does.

nothing to do with 3.14, oddly.

Attempt to make contact with aliens leaves everything open-ended in the end with nothing but 18 minutes of blank video tape to show anything happened.

Closed due to Health and Safety concerns.

“In just a few weeks I can take this American cockney flower girl and make her talk like an American English duchess”.

Lots of old aeroplanes set off to fly from London to Paris, most don’t get there.

“Man born under a wandering star and Man who talks to the trees seek Woman who wants to be a million miles away behind a door – object bigamy”.

"BEN HUR - An incredibly long comedy - MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED - CHARIOTS, HORSES, PEOPLE! The best three hour sleep you'll have in years"

Rich man helps other rich man get out of prison allowing rich family to return to rich surroundings and away from commoners.

Bitter family feud + a spot of incest = everyone dies.

Watch a bridge being built then blown up.

Some pretty girl bunks up with some ditzy boy, only -- wouldn't you know it? -- politics gets in the way. Duh! This huge "war" thing happens -- like, bummer -- but the big hero spends the whole time sulking in a tent -- until his boyfriend gets snuffed. Then there's this crazy horse business -- dude, you don't wanna know. And they go off and found Rome or something. Yeah, the Sistine Chapel and shit. Ice cream and pizza. Three coins in the fountain. Man, I'm hungry. Can we get take out?

Colin Farrell gets a wrong number. Low budget setless psycho-pic featuring sex, prostitution, violence, corruption, lies, deception and greed. A bit like Emmerdale then. Phone company unable to help (no change there then) The Police stand around watching (nuf sed) and the Health professionals leave an injured man unattended in an ambulance (how New Labour) Surprisingly though well worth 83 minutes of your time to see it!

Alexander leads a huge army on a quest to kill as many foreigners as possible, until after seven years the army has had enough and convinces him to take them home. For this he is called "Great". Men!

Identical to Toy Story 2, except with a cat in the lead rôle. In an incredible coincidence, it shares some writers with Toy Story 2, too.

Very pretty shots of boats shooting at each other ruined by some quite shockingly crap actiing. Russell Crowe fails to die in scene 1, an obvious error.

It's about a man called Schmidt.

It's about a boy.

It's about my mother, and there's no room for a sequel.

Rocky challenges his son.

Oh, probably about cooking and stuff, I expect.

Don't ask me...

uhm... it's got some good music in it...

For some reason, they forgot to put Adam into the script. Coh, feminists.

The characters all quote old plays at each other. Then they die.

Two stoners deal heroin to raise cash they then use to buy flash motorbikes during opening credits, then set off to look for America. Unfortunately, they find it.

Evil usurping uncle after achieving the throne by murder is destablised by a theatrical vision. Lots of fighting, but less peple die in this happy variation on Macbeth and Hamlet.

Hamlet. Says it all.

So there's this teenager and he hates his mother and his stepdad and there's loads of drugs and gore and they all die.

Please pardon my attempts to beat Projoy to ending this game.

So, could it be that whilst Sir Laurence Olivier and Kenneth Branagh fail to make the grade, the required Shakesperian corpse is, in fact, Mel Gibson?

*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Uncle Korky*

I have no shame...

Indeed you don't!

Gripping story about a man who spends all his time staring out of the window.

Oh....it's over.

Well, I'm still reading it..

A fish tries to find another fish called Nemo. He does.

And me!