Is everyone here for the editorial meeting? Ok, good. Heavy news week this week, so only the best stories are going to get space. We'll start with Cheddar Headlines. Ten words max, and the headline can be self-explanatory as in 'The Independent', or horrendously convoluted, as in, erm, The Cheesy Headline Game. Once the headline is finished, I'd like a few words containing the story in a news style, please. Subs, clear your desks, and let's get the presses rolling. Spike it once we reach the usual back page move.
The Rev. Andrew Throbbing astonished worshippers at St. Vitus Parish Church last Sunday when he stopped midway through his sermon, jumped off the pulpit and stripped naked. Grabbing a nearby candlestick he proceeded to hit himself repeatedly on the head while shouting out "Pulsate no more! I will pulsate no more!" "It was amazing" exclaimed long-time parishioner Marjorie Smith, 85, "I never thought he had so much hair on his chest." The other member of the congregation, Marjorie's nephew Peter, 7, said "Better than Tellytubbies!" Throbbing was later escorted to a waiting ambulance and whisked off to a local nursing home.
The Serbian and Croatian Legislatures, in a rare act of cooperation, have simultaneously and unanimously passed new legislation banning TV in cars as part of a broader campaign to curb all types of pollution affecting Serbian and Croatian children. "The proliferation of programs such as Sponge Bob Square Pants and The Simpsons on TV has led to the mental pollution of our nations' youth" commmented Irma Veriprim-Prudic, Speaker of the Serbian House, in Belgrade. "It is enough that our children watch these shows at home; we don't want them to suffer even more mental assaults by watching TV in cars while being driven to and from school, or while stuck in traffic jams", she added.