mc5 - World's Worsest

CdM

Ladies and Gentlemen, we would like to welcome you aboard our non-stop flight to Los Angeles. Our flying time tonight is scheduled to be 13 hours and 26 minutes. And I would like to extend a special welcome to all of those families traveling to the Third Annual Chronic Infant Colic and Earache Convention...

Dujon

We are about to return to terra firma: Drinks are now complementary and, please, feel free to have your last cigarette.

d.c.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Air Marshall speaking. You may remain at ease, there is no cause for alarm, this announcement is directed at the attractive lady in the aisle seat of row 57. Ma'am, could you kindly take yourself out of harms way by quickly exiting your seat and sprawling in the aisle? It is imperative I get a clean head shot at the international terrorist seated directly behind you."

Raak

Next!

Worst idea for a TV programme

You've Been Sued! Jeremy Beadle fakes injury at the hands of a member of the public, and brings legal action. Follow the hilarious chase through the courts! See the victim's mental breakdown as the lawyers eat up his life savings! Will he win before the money runs out?

Dujon

Why Bother: Those contestants from You've Been Sued! who didn't make it through the series. That is, they are broke and bonkers. All failed idiots to be placed in a confined space for as long as it takes for one of them to be, literally, the 'last man standing'. The prize is a lifetime of care (to be provided by the show's sponsor, the NHS).

Projoy

Waking with Sinus Sores - an indepth, endoscopic look at infections of the nose.

Rosie

Suburb! This week Kirsty Young shows off her teeth and tits in some of the nicer parts of Basingstoke. Next week - The thrills of Didsbury.

Projoy

(I had one more world's worst airline announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you look out of the left side of the plane you should be able to see the Sears Tower hoving into view. If any passenger can give me one reason to go on living in the next 120 seconds, I might not steer this goddamned plane into it.")

RedSnapperi

Pigsties of the Rich and Famous. Check out the lifestyle of the pigs of the filthy rich and famous at their country estates. See how the other half wallow. The first Episode "And I am a Material Sow" features Miss Piggy, Madonna and Guy Ritchie's 's prize pig at their country estate in Dorset.

irach

MC Five-O A fast-paced drama along the lines of the acclaimed old Hawaii Five-O filled with quick-witted verbal sleuths who pursue ne'er-do-gooders (while trying to one-up one another) through the London underground. Filled with a host of unique and most remarkable characters, such as Chalky, Projoy, the enigmatic CdM, Dujon, RedSnapper, Dandalf, Raak, blamelewis (the pernennial scapegoat), I'mNotJohn (oh yes, he is!), d.c., nights, PaulWay and the arch-villain irach, among others.

blamelewis

Hmmm... scapegoat... The Goat Hunters pseudo-scientific docu-drama approach to regional farming programs. Some serious chick who used to be on the Bill and Nick Ross sit all night in a straw filled shed in the Cotswolds freezing their arses off, while three geeks rejected from Time Team prepare sophisticated detection equipment salvaged from the nearby barn. Meanwhile in the warmth of the studio Peter Snow interviews a clergyman about whether there is a dog.