We have just been informed that there is a suicide bomber on board, so to protect people on the ground we will shortly be diverting into the side of a mountain. Fear not, for God will know his own.
Ladies and Gentleman in the First Class Cabin. We regret to announce that, due to an error by our ground catering staff, we failed to load our stocks of the Dom Perignon 1996, and will instead be forced to serve the 1995 vintage.
Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your Captain speaking. Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until we're at the gate. And welcome to Indianapolis... Oops! Was this supposed to be the flight to Chicago?