...so due to the emergency situation Ladies and Gentlemen it has become necessary to establish the weights of all the passengers and, er, ask the heaviest to please move towards the cabin doors where the crew will, um, assist them in their, um, our descent... (Well, I worry about that anyway)
Ladies and Gentlemen : Please save some of your peanuts for later. There will not be any additional food or snack service on the second leg of this flight until we reach Tokyo after our refueling stop in Istanbul.
... and to finish off our list of acknowledgement of those who make your charter flight possible, our thanks go to Michelin for providing our tyres. Enjoy the grand prix, ladies and gentlemen.
We have just been informed that there is a suicide bomber on board, so to protect people on the ground we will shortly be diverting into the side of a mountain. Fear not, for God will know his own.
Ladies and Gentleman in the First Class Cabin. We regret to announce that, due to an error by our ground catering staff, we failed to load our stocks of the Dom Perignon 1996, and will instead be forced to serve the 1995 vintage.