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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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"Do not be alarmed Mr. Johnston, a condom is required for this procedure. Now drop your trousers and lean across the exam table ....."
Well, the good news is....
Hm. Sounds like you should reinstall your cerebral cortex and reboot.
"Well, I've not seen one like that before."
Ah, simple. It's a textbook case. Hold on while I take a look in the textbook.
Congratulations, Mr. Murphy! A picture of the nethermost regions of your sigmoid colon will soon appear in the International Journal of Proctology. I have never seen one as intriguing as yours.
Should I attempt to revive the gerbil, Mr. Gere?
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