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Coming In During Dinner
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The count has been counted, Returning Officers have returned, and party rosettes have been trampled underfoot in the Town Hall Chamber at the end of election night.
Get your glad rags on for the Local Party Election Victory Ball at the Town Hall Ballroom, 7.30pm for 8pm, black tie, carriages at midnight. But there are bound to be one or two late-comers...
A standing ovation please for Victor, the conservative who is late because the roa was swept away while he was on his way here. Welcome 'Landslide' Vic (Tory)
And here is a defeated candidate, Mr. Wesley Robbed, representing the Midget Party: Wee Wes Robbed.
Announcing, in the traditional manner, Mr & Mrs Date and their daughter, Candy Date.
Closely followed by political tomb raider Indiana Pendent, whose friends call him Indy.
Will you please welcome Mr and Mrs Inall and their prevaricating daughter Marge.
Unfortunately, one of our guests, the noted peer Earl Ection, has to depart urgently. Let's bid him farewell! "Bye..."
Please be upstanding for Lord and Lady Tingvoter and their lovely daughter, Flo.
Please welcome Herr Dulentpostalvote and his wife, Frau Dulentpostalvote.
Please welcome Mr and Mrs Urningofficer and their son Rhett.
Mr and Mrs Ority with daughter Madge
Mr and Mrs Bennettwhydon'ttheygettheballotboxesinwe'llbehereallnight and their son Gordon. Well, someone had to do it.
And the esteemed Mr and Mrs Ruldemocrat and their daughter Libby. Ditto
Mr and Mrs Ralelection with their daughter Jenny.
An unexpected surprise, Mr and Mrs Nadorialeader with their simpleton son Goober.
Closely followed by Mr Shipp-Contest and his daughter, Leda.
And of course accompanied by Bishop Sceptic and his brother Yuri.
The Welsh contingent are back! It's Rees Shuffled-Cabinet with his third new wife, Minnie Sterial-Post
And from the Gladstonian era, Micheal Portillo's Spanish Ancestor, Juan Nathan Conservative.
And the Britain for Brits candidate, Mr d'Posit and his lovely children, Lou and Cis.
Arriving on her own, the ever youthful Cher (of the vote).
From north of the border, it's Mr and Mrs Tishnationalparty with their son Scott, together with Mr and Mrs Volution and their daughter Dee.
Dressed only in his Union Jack underpants, it's Hugh Kipp.
And his 2nd cousin Bea Enpee.
And blow me sideways if that isn't Vera Tass.
Be afraid, be very afraid of Mr and Mrs Vingloonyparty and their monster, Ray.
And welcome, please, Mr and Mrs Isterov-Electors and their son, Reg.
Will you please welcome Mr & Mrs Ingstation and their son Paul.
And take note of the arrival of Mr and Mrs Iamentarycandidate and their daughter Pearl, who live nearby. Later she'll be covering things in coarse fabric, so watch out for your local Pearl Iamentarycandidate doing a spot of canvassing.
Painting the town hall red, here's Titian with his daughter Polly.
And please welcome Mr and Mrs Tantwing, and their daughter Millie.
Please give a warm wlecome to the Brothers Ftherealm and their highly life-like puppet Pierrot.
Elected members only please, sir.
The previous silence was in honour of the arrival of Mr and Mrs Imentaryrecess and their son Paul.
That's yer lot. Parliament is, heretofore and avast from this afternoon, open for Business as Usual. Liggers please take your places on the bus, for we're now going to

THE CORNER SHOP BALL

First to arrive, from Wales, Dai Lleynewspaper and his wife, Maggie Zine. She's trying to attract my attention - I'd better let her know I've seen her. "OK! Maggie Zine!"
It's Mr and Mrs Sweet and their daughter Penny - I can only get better...
[Knobbly] That's true. ;o)
I forgot to add that Maggie Zine was very quiet tonight. She could only answer weekly Ba-boom Tish!
Will you all please welcome Mr and Mrs El and their daughter Pat.
Please acknowledge the arrival of our local convenience store owner, Mr Mal Teaser. Unfortunately his daughter, whose name shall remain forever hidden, could not attend.
All the way from Spain, please welcome Mr & Mrs Round, and their son, Pepé.
And here, actually from just around the corner on Wimpole Street, are Mrs. Marge Arine and her cousin Bertha.
Introducing Mr & Mrs d'Bread and their wee son, Col.
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