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101 Uses For A Black And Decker Workmate
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As played in the Furcation Game (plug). Could the panel please suggest uses for a Black and Decker Workmate?
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16. Yes, 16, count them The best way to burst many balloons at once, as done by the BBC sound efefcts department.
17 - A great seat for one or more when watching cricket at the local village green.
18 - It would make a handy interrogating instrument for the wife to grill me on where exactly I've been until 3:00 am.
19. Instrument for pinching out a long line of candles. Dujon] Excellent suggestion, and you ignored my "efefcts" too! Much kudos.
20. A spelling dictionary for the words "Black," "Decker," and "Workmate."
21 A handy vice grip to ensnare Tuj by a suitable protruding bodypart (TBC) until he understands that it was his unusual choice of following my conventional '2' counting mechanism with '2b' at the top of this game that threw several players out of synch with true order, and that being all cutesy about having his 'efefcts' typo ignored will not constitute any valid defence against said bodypart (TBC) being squished with a Black and Decker Workmate until he weeps.
21 b A handy V-Day present a week after V-Day. She'll love it and forgive you...
21 c Device for raising and lowering encasted or enslinged bodyparts (TBC) when in hospital.
21 d ... or, if adjusted at high speed, excellent for flicking wellwishers' grapes into your invalid mouth.
25 Cut a suitable set of semicircular holes in the jaws and use it as a pair of stocks.
26 When in the lowered position, as a prayer kneeler (for instance when begging 'Lord, pleeeease give me strength and forebearance when dealing with these idiots')
27. Lower legs at one end. Attach elastic band to handles at other end. You now have a launch ramp with which to propel Matchbox cars into the ether.
28. A clamp to help one keep a stiff upper lip.
29. If one were to attach a series of rod-mounted beads, it could form a basic abacus.
30. With one end tilted lower than the other, an extremely short but rather portable dry-ski slope
31. Partly opened, it can be used as a tribute to Robert Recorde.
32. Impromptu stumps for an impromptu game of cricket. Other suggested items: ball made of sellotape, 3/4 full bottle of water, players.
33. An accomplice in providing excuses for acquiring power tools.
34. An artificial woman, for the extremely lonely.
35. Portable crazy-golf kit.
36. As a more reliable, [less prone to human error], means of circumcision.
37. Obtain several, turn some of them upside down and enter them in the Turner Prize.
38. Just cooked a pasta meal and embarrassed by the length of your spaghetti? Simply attach the spaghetti to your workmate and turn the handle to increase to the desired length!
39. An inyeresting sidetable for displaying any Oscars you might happen to win. Wow, Tuj goes topical!
40. A fully washable table for use as an aid to natural childbirth.
41. A paperweight.
42. Need to saw a piece of wood? First, ask a friend to hold the wood with one hand. Then clamp his other hand in the workmate so that he can't run away.
43. Keeping one's mouth shut to stop guffawing like an idiot at the previous suggestion.
44. Submerge in a very large vase of water to provide an adjustible support for flower arrangements.
45 A great jar opener and should grace every kitchen in the land.
46 A gum shield for hippopotamuses.
47 A device to remove excess skin from your shins, best done in a darkened shed whilst looking for the white spirit.
48. Making a large Waldorf salad? Why crack those walnuts one at a time? Use the Workmate and do them all at once!
Legal tender.
50 Diversionary tactic. Following on from ph21rw's sublime offerering
51 A fully adjustable xylophone stand. Also takes marimbas.
52. Adjustable modern art plinth.
53. Use it as a handy aid in your carpentry hobby.
st d] Crazy, man.
54. A dual purpose operating table for small operations on small people.
To pinch one from my good friend Marmaduke: 55. a terrible opponent in a football match.
56. I plan to rip it from its moorings, hoist it high over my head and smash it thru a large plate glass window in a daring and spectacular escape from MC5.
[Falstaff] That reminds me.
57. The collapsing prop for an impromptu comedy routine; for the finale i will drop it on my foot.
58. Holding open an angry lion's mouth to avoid being mauled.
59. A cow branding iron for poorly sighted farmers.
60 A limb replacement
61A Black & Decker Workmate tidy. Takes about 4.
62 A cheap alternative to visiting the dentist.
63. A seat for a high court judge.
64. Squeeze out those last drops of toothpaste! An economy-saving model!
65. My submission for the Turner Prize.
66. Combined with a clockwork monkey and a CD player playing fairground music, you too can pretend to be an organ grinder.    This came to me while winding the handle on my own B&DWM.
67. Adjustable wooden leg.
68. A prop for the next Doctor Who adventure: Revenge of the Trees. All the wood in the world turns on mankind in revenge for the brutal murder of trees to make furniture!
69. An adjustable birthing-stool.
[Kim] See No. 40.

69Contemporary stocks for naughty children.
70. Striking one's forehead in realisation. Just spotted I put "web-vased" in move 2... wondered what move 3 was about for a long time...
71. Subject for a list of uses of it
72. Use it to cut off your bold tag a little earlier...
73. My tombstone.
[Falstaff really!] "i shall own up."
74. A stocking stuffer!
76.line twenty up and jump them on a motorcycle.
77. Scatter a number around the garden (mix the sizes: there are 'home', 'industrial' and 'Stevie' models available) to create a wonderful arty display for your next candlelight supper.
78 As a suicide parachute.
79. Parallel bars for a new event at Crufts.
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