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101 Uses For A Black And Decker Workmate
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As played in the Furcation Game (plug). Could the panel please suggest uses for a Black and Decker Workmate?
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32. Impromptu stumps for an impromptu game of cricket. Other suggested items: ball made of sellotape, 3/4 full bottle of water, players.
33. An accomplice in providing excuses for acquiring power tools.
34. An artificial woman, for the extremely lonely.
35. Portable crazy-golf kit.
36. As a more reliable, [less prone to human error], means of circumcision.
37. Obtain several, turn some of them upside down and enter them in the Turner Prize.
38. Just cooked a pasta meal and embarrassed by the length of your spaghetti? Simply attach the spaghetti to your workmate and turn the handle to increase to the desired length!
39. An inyeresting sidetable for displaying any Oscars you might happen to win. Wow, Tuj goes topical!
40. A fully washable table for use as an aid to natural childbirth.
41. A paperweight.
42. Need to saw a piece of wood? First, ask a friend to hold the wood with one hand. Then clamp his other hand in the workmate so that he can't run away.
43. Keeping one's mouth shut to stop guffawing like an idiot at the previous suggestion.
44. Submerge in a very large vase of water to provide an adjustible support for flower arrangements.
45 A great jar opener and should grace every kitchen in the land.
46 A gum shield for hippopotamuses.
47 A device to remove excess skin from your shins, best done in a darkened shed whilst looking for the white spirit.
48. Making a large Waldorf salad? Why crack those walnuts one at a time? Use the Workmate and do them all at once!
Legal tender.
50 Diversionary tactic. Following on from ph21rw's sublime offerering
51 A fully adjustable xylophone stand. Also takes marimbas.
52. Adjustable modern art plinth.
53. Use it as a handy aid in your carpentry hobby.
st d] Crazy, man.
54. A dual purpose operating table for small operations on small people.
To pinch one from my good friend Marmaduke: 55. a terrible opponent in a football match.
56. I plan to rip it from its moorings, hoist it high over my head and smash it thru a large plate glass window in a daring and spectacular escape from MC5.
[Falstaff] That reminds me.
57. The collapsing prop for an impromptu comedy routine; for the finale i will drop it on my foot.
58. Holding open an angry lion's mouth to avoid being mauled.
59. A cow branding iron for poorly sighted farmers.
60 A limb replacement
61A Black & Decker Workmate tidy. Takes about 4.
62 A cheap alternative to visiting the dentist.
63. A seat for a high court judge.
64. Squeeze out those last drops of toothpaste! An economy-saving model!
65. My submission for the Turner Prize.
66. Combined with a clockwork monkey and a CD player playing fairground music, you too can pretend to be an organ grinder.    This came to me while winding the handle on my own B&DWM.
67. Adjustable wooden leg.
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