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101 Uses For A Black And Decker Workmate
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As played in the Furcation Game (plug). Could the panel please suggest uses for a Black and Decker Workmate?
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21 b A handy V-Day present a week after V-Day. She'll love it and forgive you...
21 c Device for raising and lowering encasted or enslinged bodyparts (TBC) when in hospital.
21 d ... or, if adjusted at high speed, excellent for flicking wellwishers' grapes into your invalid mouth.
25 Cut a suitable set of semicircular holes in the jaws and use it as a pair of stocks.
26 When in the lowered position, as a prayer kneeler (for instance when begging 'Lord, pleeeease give me strength and forebearance when dealing with these idiots')
27. Lower legs at one end. Attach elastic band to handles at other end. You now have a launch ramp with which to propel Matchbox cars into the ether.
28. A clamp to help one keep a stiff upper lip.
29. If one were to attach a series of rod-mounted beads, it could form a basic abacus.
30. With one end tilted lower than the other, an extremely short but rather portable dry-ski slope
31. Partly opened, it can be used as a tribute to Robert Recorde.
32. Impromptu stumps for an impromptu game of cricket. Other suggested items: ball made of sellotape, 3/4 full bottle of water, players.
33. An accomplice in providing excuses for acquiring power tools.
34. An artificial woman, for the extremely lonely.
35. Portable crazy-golf kit.
36. As a more reliable, [less prone to human error], means of circumcision.
37. Obtain several, turn some of them upside down and enter them in the Turner Prize.
38. Just cooked a pasta meal and embarrassed by the length of your spaghetti? Simply attach the spaghetti to your workmate and turn the handle to increase to the desired length!
39. An inyeresting sidetable for displaying any Oscars you might happen to win. Wow, Tuj goes topical!
40. A fully washable table for use as an aid to natural childbirth.
41. A paperweight.
42. Need to saw a piece of wood? First, ask a friend to hold the wood with one hand. Then clamp his other hand in the workmate so that he can't run away.
43. Keeping one's mouth shut to stop guffawing like an idiot at the previous suggestion.
44. Submerge in a very large vase of water to provide an adjustible support for flower arrangements.
45 A great jar opener and should grace every kitchen in the land.
46 A gum shield for hippopotamuses.
47 A device to remove excess skin from your shins, best done in a darkened shed whilst looking for the white spirit.
48. Making a large Waldorf salad? Why crack those walnuts one at a time? Use the Workmate and do them all at once!
Legal tender.
50 Diversionary tactic. Following on from ph21rw's sublime offerering
51 A fully adjustable xylophone stand. Also takes marimbas.
52. Adjustable modern art plinth.
53. Use it as a handy aid in your carpentry hobby.
st d] Crazy, man.
54. A dual purpose operating table for small operations on small people.
To pinch one from my good friend Marmaduke: 55. a terrible opponent in a football match.
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