21 A handy vice grip to ensnare Tuj by a suitable protruding bodypart (TBC) until he understands that it was his unusual choice of following my conventional '2' counting mechanism with '2b' at the top of this game that threw several players out of synch with true order, and that being all cutesy about having his 'efefcts' typo ignored will not constitute any valid defence against said bodypart (TBC) being squished with a Black and Decker Workmate until he weeps.

21 b A handy V-Day present a week after V-Day. She'll love it and forgive you...

21 c Device for raising and lowering encasted or enslinged bodyparts (TBC) when in hospital.

21 d ... or, if adjusted at high speed, excellent for flicking wellwishers' grapes into your invalid mouth.

25 Cut a suitable set of semicircular holes in the jaws and use it as a pair of stocks.

26 When in the lowered position, as a prayer kneeler (for instance when begging 'Lord, pleeeease give me strength and forebearance when dealing with these idiots')

27. Lower legs at one end. Attach elastic band to handles at other end. You now have a launch ramp with which to propel Matchbox cars into the ether.

28. A clamp to help one keep a stiff upper lip.

29. If one were to attach a series of rod-mounted beads, it could form a basic abacus.

31. Partly opened, it can be used as a tribute to Robert Recorde.

32. Impromptu stumps for an impromptu game of cricket. Other suggested items: ball made of sellotape, 3/4 full bottle of water, players.

33. An accomplice in providing excuses for acquiring power tools.

34. An artificial woman, for the extremely lonely.

35. Portable crazy-golf kit.

36. As a more reliable, [less prone to human error], means of circumcision.

37. Obtain several, turn some of them upside down and enter them in the Turner Prize.

38. Just cooked a pasta meal and embarrassed by the length of your spaghetti? Simply attach the spaghetti to your workmate and turn the handle to increase to the desired length!

39. An inyeresting sidetable for displaying any Oscars you might happen to win. Wow, Tuj goes topical!