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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Full of horror
Where Carrie started fires and the evil gor 'er.
Julius Caesar
Was a bit of a geezer
Whilst Brutus
Threatened to shoot us
Nefertiti
Was a bit of a sweety
But what she thought of King Tut
Would have to be editorially cut
Karl Friedrich Gauss
Wrote most of his mathematical formulae on cocktail napkins at his local Bierhaus
However, it is not known if he had a magnetic personality
But he certainly had German nationality.
Jerry Lee Lewis
Never met Peter Brewis
While Dean(and Steve)Martin
Were found dead with a carton.
Brian Perkins
Amassed a vast collection of blond and brunette merkins
While on the other hand, the lovely Charlotte Brown
Would not, despite her alleged horniness, on someone who thus misnamed her, go down.
Peter André
Does his landré
In a place so very large
It resembles a theatre stage rather than un cage
Jaap de Hoop Scheffer
Being Dutch, loves the Fresian heffer
The heifer is not amused
Although, admittedly, somewhat confused
Pete Tong
Has not been around that long
Not everyone's name has passed into Cockney rhyming slang
Not even The Emperor Wang.
Pele
Was never involved in a goalmouth mêlée
Unlike Bobby Tambling
Who, as a Jehovah's Witness, preached in the goalmouth and was oft accused of rambling
Lord Reith (Softers) Yeah, nobody's perfect, but 200 goals will do me nicely.
The first director of the BBC who ruled it like a feudal chief [Rosie] Yes, despite what some people think, football is not a religion.
Determined to inform, educate and entertain
The way it is now would have driven him insane.
Ronan O'Rahilly
Always signs his e-mails with a smiley
Quite unlike Ronan Tynan
Who sends emails without signin'.
Yanni
Probably does not speak Azerbaijani
Which may have helped his defence when accused of domestic battery by his his girlfriend, Silvia Barthes
He wouldn't have done anything to harm his hands, his lawyer says
W. G. Grace
Had a hairy face
But what was really weird
Is that he wore a false beard
Ernest Hemingway
Never wrote a play
Except in Key West
A place most detest.
Steve Punt
****!
Hails from Hackney Wick
D***
Armando Iannucci
A Glaswegian Italian, though never wears Gucci
When he is reminded of the Friday Night Armistice
Dithers around like a Useless Eustace
Dylan Moran
Was wonderful in Black books, but opinion is divided about his lead in the forthcoming Ken Loach production of Desperate Dan
Despite his fame, the English-speaking world is divided on which syllable of his surname should be stressed;
Which leaves me, for one, impressed
Rasputin
Is surrounded by many myths which I'm glad to be refutin'
Among which is his stated power over the late Tsarina
Which gave him unbridled access to her vagina. Latin pronuciation invoked.
Graham Dott
Not a ball he can't pot
But is he anything of a looker?
Not important if he can play snooker Invoking Lancashire accent
Snoop Doggy Dog
Keeps the pro-censorship lobby agog
Whereas Pam Ayres
Writes poems about which nobody really cares Nice lady, really
Charles Clarke
Enjoys releasing prisoners for a lark
Which, I suppose is fine...
If they commit no further crime
Sergio Leone
Has been unfairly characterised as a one-trick pony
In fact he had no tricks at all
Like Paul Daniels, who's small.
Jeff Daniels
Buys a lot of electrical goods but never reads the manuals
Whereas George Clooney
Is as likely to play in the World Cup as Wayne Rooney
Isaac Asimov
Though that most science fiction critics just tried to pass 'im off
In fact, they loved him (at least posthumously)
And now he is hailed almost unanoomously. mercy killing
Arthur C Clarke
Doubted the very existence of a quark
He believed the true nature of subatomic particles would be forever unexplained
(At least until God had been named)
John Wyndham
Was distraught when he wrote stories and others binned 'em
The Midwich Cuckoo did not suffer this fate
Nor did The Day of the Triffids, which was great.
James Tiptree, Junior
Wrote her books with a pen made from a petunia
Thus did her career flower
Although her act of killing her husband, and then shooting herself made some of her loyal readers really cower.
Barry Cryer
Could have joined the Church and become a Friar
In a school pantomime he once played the comical Friar Tuck
His bad luck.
Noah
Was a bit of a goer
He built The Ark
But not the Cutty Sark.
Lot
About his wife he gave not a Jot
He sneered at her as he drank his favourite malt
But her subsequent mineralisation was entirely her own fault.
Job
Was generally thought a snob
While Zachariah
Became a bit of a pariah (I always thought "Job" was pronounced to rhyme with "robe.")
The Apostle Paul (Darren) It is. This must've been a job lot.
Was also known as Saul
But Mark
Was never known as Clark.
Judas Iscariot Balancing the ying and yang
Hung himself from a tree using a noose on his lariat
His hair was red
It was said.
Adam and Eve
Wouldn't believe
That the simple apple
Would lead to them being immortalized in Michelangelo's painting in the Sistine Chapel.
Prince Charles
Rarely snarls
Although he does talk a lot of drivel
And on occasion is known to snivel.
Louis Pasteur
Preferred Mademoiselle to Monsieur
Apologies and an alternate more suited to the game.
Found prevention more viable than cure
While Marie Curie
Pressed on regardless, to her Safety Officer's fury.
Anton Lavoisier
Had absolutely nothing to do with the brassiere
But that's not to say
That he wasn't loved by Mrs. Lavoisier
Cary Grant
Married my aunt
And Garfunkel
Was described as Simon's carbuncle (avoiding the obvious...)
To boldly draw the line....
Was described as Simon's carbuncle
Sid James
Was adept at card games
Not so Hattie Jacques (Dandalf) Neat.
Hardly a card shark
[irach] Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Hattie Jacques' surname pronounced to rhyme with "rakes"?
Oh well, I stand corrected. Here's an alternative line...Who, when playing gin rummy made such terrible mistakes.
Sherpa Tensing
Was never obsessed with skin cleansing
Therefore, he led a lonely life
Shunned by one and all, including his wife
Sir Edmund Hilary
Was surprised to find himself in the pillory
Because he thinks that modern mountaineers are too blasé
About considering human life just passé.
"Dave" Cameron
His political rivals would like to put him in the slammer on
The basis that he attracts women like flies
They do admire his shapely thighs
Magellan,
Or "Ferdie-baby" as addressed by Sir Ian McKellen Crap, but what else is there?
Did a bit of circumnavigation a while ago which has led to his name being used for a Global Positioning Satellite system because there is a tenuous connection
Why not vote for him at the next General Election?
Michelangelo (Rosie)- there was "felon, melon, Helen, no tellin'..."
Liked to indulge in the odd fresco
Whereas J M W Turner (Softers) I am far too innocent to know about felons or indeed melons. :-)
was a bit of a watercolour churner
W. G. Grace
How could he be such a good cricketer with such a hairy face?
Consider the baby-faced Babe Ruth
Who hit seven hundred and fourteen home runs! Streuth!
Svennis Yeah, I know you don't call him that. At least this should be rhymeable.
Became known as "The Swedish Menace"
While Bjorn Borg
bored.
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Gets someone to do his dhobi
While Luke Skywalker
Watches Night Stalker
Alec Guiness
Was a great fan of Neil Innes
He used dream of being in the Rutles with Neil
Until someone told him he didn't have the right 'feel'
Johannes Brahms
Possessed the standard number of arms
Which limited the type of music he was able to write
Yet, on the other hand, playing Chopin's piano pieces is facilitated by one's possession of supernumary digits on one of one's hands- the right.
Humph
Triumph
Brooke-Taylor
Failure (As if Brooke-Taylor rhymed with Failure... I ask you)>
Graeme Gardner
Seldom, if ever, greeted people saying "Howdy, Pardner!"
Unlike Graeme Garden (who is Graeme Gardner?)
Even when he visits Henley-in-Arden. (Darren) I think Chalky's been working too hard and by way of compensation may be in her cups at this late hour.
Bill Oddie oblig.
What a body!
So hairy!
No fairy!
Sam Loyd
Created the 14-15 Puzzle that any smartarse would avoid
Whereas Erno Rubik
Had ideas more cubic
Laszlo Bíró more world-famous Hungarians . . .
Was on the ball and is now upheld as a writers hero
Whilst Marçel Bich
Failed to click pronunciation assumed
Hieronymus Bosch
Thought by some to be the inventor of power tools, but that's tosh. (Softers) :-)
But Salvador Dali
Considered a genius by some, but, by God, didn't he over do it? Some of his work wouldn't even be accepted by the people of Mali.
Not that I'm claiming Malians have no taste in art. If you can show me the proof, I'll retract...
Roy Liechtenstein
Thought pop art was very fine
While Andy Warhol
Might have come with something worthwhile if he'd dug a borehole.
Tom Cruise
Makes me snooze
And Katie Holmes
Inspires no pomes.
Houdini
Drank Martini
Whereas Cyrano
Played with Meccano . . . one for the oldies . . .
I.M. Pei
Designed the glass pyramid structure over the Louvre that is reviled and adored equally by Parisians and was brought to dubious fame by Dan Brown whose yarn is, quite frankly, pie in the sky
On the other hand, Richard Rogers
Had no truck with bodgers.
Oscar Hammerstein
Would that the the first or second in line?
"The the the the the the," was one lyric he wrote
In response to which, Richard Rodgers left him a very snotty note
Che
Whaddya say?
He was a middle-class Argentinian that ended up as a Marxist revolutionary in Cuba somehow
And on to grace t-shirts worn by those who think they're cool now.
Fidel Castro
Is the maestro
He reeks of cigars
He hated the Czars.
Ho Chi Minh
Had quite a few hairs on his chinny chin chin
On the other hand, Nguyen Van Thieu
Considered shaving to be very much part of his world view
Syd Barrett
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