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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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I.M. Pei
Designed the glass pyramid structure over the Louvre that is reviled and adored equally by Parisians and was brought to dubious fame by Dan Brown whose yarn is, quite frankly, pie in the sky
On the other hand, Richard Rogers
Had no truck with bodgers.
Oscar Hammerstein
Would that the the first or second in line?
"The the the the the the," was one lyric he wrote
In response to which, Richard Rodgers left him a very snotty note
Che
Whaddya say?
He was a middle-class Argentinian that ended up as a Marxist revolutionary in Cuba somehow
And on to grace t-shirts worn by those who think they're cool now.
Fidel Castro
Is the maestro
He reeks of cigars
He hated the Czars.
Ho Chi Minh
Had quite a few hairs on his chinny chin chin
On the other hand, Nguyen Van Thieu
Considered shaving to be very much part of his world view
Syd Barrett
The last brick just fell out of his garret
After they'd sacked him, the rest of Floyd wished he was here
Although, had he stayed, would David Gilmour have had a career?
Nelson Mandela
Had an ex-wife Winnie whose behviour was far from stellar
He crossed paths in a peaceful way with F.W. de Klerk
Who viewed the end of apartheid as more than just a quirk (sorry to get two lines into this one; it's just that it's been languishing unfinished for days...)
Kylie Minogue (irach) Fair enough, but to rhyme it has to be said in deep Scouse. :-)
A neighboutly girl whose singing was at one time very much in vogue
If only she'd stayed with Jason Donovan
Nice boy, but they wouldn't have got in on often.
Alanis Morisette
Is old enough to have recorded on casette
Whereas Jo Brand
Is old enough to have had her act recorded in longhand
Stephen Harper
Wishes that Shay Given would not sign a new contract at Newcastle United, and just scarper. I suspect we may not be talking about the same Mr Harper, but the NUFC reserve goalie is the only one I know
Meanwhile Tim Krul
Maybe only young but is certainly no fool
Folk troubadour Bob Dylan
Was held to be the evangelist of the sixties protest movements but their attribution was misgiven
As for Pete Seeger [Phil] No we're not, but yours is better.
When it came to the shift from acoustic to electric, he wasn't eager
Jimi Hendrix
Did bluesy note-bend tricks
With his teeth
Which numbered twenty-six
I never realised before that "teeth" rhymed with "six!"
[Darren] I must have been in CleriGlowWorm mode.
How about:
Jimi Hendrix
Did bluesy note-bend tricks
With his teeth
Which were woven into his wreath
Germaine Greer Chalky] Nice save
Has no peer
And Simone de Beauvoir
Has said au r'voir.
Jean-Paul Sartre
Jean-Paul Sartre
Was an existentialist old fartre
Nevertheless, his works confronted basic religious bprinciples and he thus seriously pissed off Pope Pius the twelfth who had his books banned for reading by the good catholic faithful
For which only they were grateful.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Sired many children and encouraged his friends to do so
Among his enemies was Voltaire
Who, among his other contributions to the Enlightenment, first coined the term au pair
Zinedine Zidane
Everyone but the French thinks he's insane
Never mind how much he was provoked by Materazzi
You can't do that in front of so many paparazzi
[Tuj] Brilliant - I couldn't think of a 4th line, but I hoped someone would be inspired :-)
Vladimir Putin
Won his political spurs while disputin' [Phil] I blush!
This is the way with most politicians (Tuj) You shouldn't. It were a good'un.
But (sharp intake of breath) when it comes to estimates and billing, you'll find it's a practice employed by numerous electricians
Steve McClaren
His future looks barren
While David Beckham
Will do fine, since he does not allow wife Posh Spice to henpeck him.
Monty Panesar
Looks pretty solid, so far
And good old Ian Bell
Wrote Elite with David Braben, which sold rather well
Samuel L. Jackson
Is not Anglo-Saxon
Whilst Sean Bean
Is Martian and green
"Doctor" John Reid
Is soft in the heid
He thinks that plastic bags are the best defence against terrorist bombers
And, inserts, wrongly too, many commas.
"Doctor" Gillian McKeith
Would have appalled Lord Reith
An Australian self appointed nutritional expert, though thought to be a quack
How can we persuade the Australians to take her back?
George Jean Raymond Pompidou
Il est mort, mais ils sont les autres en son lieu
Contrairement à Jean-Marie le Pen
Le leader du partie <>, qui est electé again et again.
Drat, that was the parti «Front National»
Sir Alan Sugar
When crossed, can be an ill-tempered old bugger
And when tired
You're fired I guess that was what you had in mind, pen
Brian Blessed
Playing Fancy Smith in Z Cars as a policeman dress-ed
While Michael Laerned
(OOPS! That should be Learned, of course...)
Often went to fancy dress parties dressed as a St. Bernard just to move it along
Darrell Hair
Found a problem that wasn't there
Mind you, after that dubious decision his application of the law
Stuck in many people's craw
Alan Bennett
Wrote about people who say "’Ot, ennit?"
Unlike Enid Blyton
Whose characters' pronunciation was always right-on
Lee Perry
Was influential in the development of reggae and dub, particularly in Jamaica, and was diametrically opposite in style to Mungo Jerry,
Whose advocacy of drink-driving
Was perhaps what kept an otherwise promising career from thriving
Rudolf Diesel
Had a stressful life as an engineer and thus turned to lecturing with the aid of a blackboard and easel
He eliminated the need for a spark plug found in the earlier internal combustion engine design of Nikolaus Otto
And instead used it for cheap thrills whenever he was blotto
Dmitri Shostakovich
Wrote symphonies and pieces for string quartets for which (... unfinished sentence alert)
Zoltán Kodály It must be
Hidden textWould die-y.
(So says Rosie) would die-y.
Fact: my father (who worked in BBC Radio) made a telephone request to the BBC Sheet Music library for "Could I But Express In Song" (Composer unknown) and received a memo back a few days later reporting that no record could be found of "Kodály: Buttocks-pressing Song".
[Kim] What I particularly love about that anecdote is the window it gives us into the mental world of whoever took down your father's request.
Avogadro
Do you mean the bishop or the count? Sadly we will never know.
We'll assume you mean the man with the famous number
Being 6.0221367 x 10 to the power of 23 which if one is not of a chemical bent, is likely to induce slumber.
The T.U.C.
Right now doesn't have a lot of time for Ton-ie
It would have even less for a Tory
End of story.
The Queen
Drinks Ovaltine
While Prince Phillip
Prefers a Mint Julep
Silvio Berlusconi (Robin) One's Mint Julep?
For your support he'll bung you a pony
It'd be handy for riding into town
If Yankee Doodle doesn't and lets us down
Andrew Strauss
Is not the one who composed Die Fledermaus
That will do for an opener
Of his success his wife has some hope in 'er
[Darren] Well rescued! [Rosie] Couldn't think of many other drinks that rhyme with Phillip. However,
Phil the Greek
Thought my reference to his liking Mint Julep a cheek
For when it came to his favourite booze, oh
He much preferred Ouzo.
(Robin) Here, drink this; it'll give you a fillip.
George the Third
Sometimes he though that he was a little bird
During his reign there were two Prime Ministers called William Pitt
Though they had different ages which helped a bit
Brad Pitt
American upper class twit
He'll never be Prime Minister
Maybe politics is not so sinister.
Angelina Jolie
Does a surprisingly accurate impersonation of Buddy Holly
Now she just needs to find her Ritchie Valens and Big Bopper
But she could try to do Fred Astair in a topper
Quentin Crisp
Despite many affectations went to great lengths to disguise his lisp
He made no bones about the fact that he was as camp as a row of tents
And enjoyed the company of other gents
Jackson Pollock
Dedicated his art to the service of Moloch
Although his technique was somewhat simple
(Instead of painting, he just squeezed a pimple)
Tilda Swinton
Strangely has a name that sounds like a mark of punctuation
She appeared naked in Orlando
But never did appear onscreen with Marlon Brando.
Robert the Bruce
With the English played fast and loose
Legend has it he learned a life lesson from a spider
Which an old lady swallowed, and it wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
Gerardus Mercator (for it is he)
Not to be confused with Nicholas, the mathematician and music theorist, noted for his works on natural logs and "53 equal temperament", who lived roughly a century later,
Developed a famous map projection
But suffered because of the Catholic church's rejection
Sir George Everest
Never really knew when to give it a rest
A man of precision
Not an object of derision
Peter Gabriel
When trying to intone the word "grill" always, for some reason, managed to say "griel"
Founded Genesis and then left it to Phil Colins who hung in rather longer
Thereby earning a great deal more "wonga".
Eve
Felt quite the outsider once Adam met Steve
But God disapproved
Thus the Gay Rights campaign ensued.
Adam
Took a right ribbing from Eve, the little madam
Pretty soon, yielding to temptation, they got to breedin'
Followed by many months of breast-feedin'
Heinrich Rudolf Hertz
Had a pet iguana that was bigger than Prince Albert's
His descendants rented vans
And his name had some letters in common with that bloke who put beans in cans
William Morris
Provided calligraphy for an 1876 edition of The Odes of Horace
But best remembered for his contributions to the world of wallpaper and other interior designs and decorations
And sometimes his orations
Eleanor of Aquitaine
Of both France and England she became queen
Mother of Richard the Lionheart
Had a sister named Petronilla, but not (to my knowledge) a brother named Bart.
Michael Portillo
Has many a peccadillo
Having been pipped as Tory leader by IDS he resigned his seat
If not in control of the kitchen he couldn't take the heat.
Ezra Pound
During the Second World War was mostly renowned
Particularly for his fascist views
Which at the time was bad news.
King Leonidis of ancient Sparta
Though not generally recorded in history books, was a champion farter
His expulsions were legion
And but for a system of funnels which channeled them harmlessly underground, would have decimated the region.
Al Gore
Informed environmentalists that a rare sort of spore
Had infected the White House
And had replaced the President with a woodlouse
Ada Lovelace
Devised the first computer program with a smile on her face
In that respect she worked on the difference engine with Charles Babbage
Who had the countenance of an old cabbage.
Helen of Troy
Was mad about the boy
Her face may have launched a thousand ships
More likely to have been her snaky hips.
Caligula
Would diddle with his sister quite regula'
While Nero
Was nobody's hero.
Sir Alec Guinness
Had bones of a most extraordinary thinness
This caused problems while playing Obi Wan Kenobi
And which is why the lost the role of Genghis Khan to a horribly miscast John Wayne in "The Conqueror", to lead a horde of Mongols across the barren Gobi.
Geoffrey Chaucer
Liked to sip his tea not from a cup, but a saucer
He liked to write in English about ordinary folk
While eating omelets made without the yolk
Mr. T
"I pity the fool," says he
He's reformed and divested himself of heavy gold chains
But you still won't get him on aeroplanes.
Sean Bean
Could never be a drag queen
He played Boromir in Lord of the Rings
The only semi-convincing performance he's managed in a role that was just one of many, the others largely disappointing things.
Don Rumsfeld
Needs his bumps felt
After being called "incompetent strategically, operationally and tactically"
Politically he's dead, practically.
Nancy Pelosi
Has never met even a single solitary one of America's many Mafiosi
But Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin
Were claimed to be so close to Carlo Gambino as to frequently hear him fartin' (Sorry,....coat!)
Gary Gygax
Gets +1 to all his attacks
His Vorpal Sword
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