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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Has rarely regretted defying his parents' wish for him to become a banker
HSBC's loss
Especially since Bank of America just hired Luther Vandross
Elton John Much belated praise for The Dalai Lama one before last. Excellent!
Is neither forgotten nor gone
Whereas Billy Joel
Is on the roll
Frodo Baggins
Went on a long and at times excruciatingly painful journey in payment for someone else's sins
Whereas Sam Gamgee
Might well have had a far less exhausting time of it if he'd simply suggested at Rivendell that those big Eagle fellas give his Master a lift straight to Mordor where he could've chucked the Ring in from the air, and been flown back home in time for tea.
Fay Weldon
Seldom
If ever
Said "Sir".
Boris Johnson
A haircut? He wants 'un.
Although, by and large, he'll tend to avoid Liverpudlian hairdressing salons
Those Judies have talons.
Robert Kilroy-Silk
Soured milk
whereas Tony Blair Don't all rush
Is yesterday's square.
Darth Vader
No friend of Ralph Nader
No father to Luke in any real sense other than biologically
And had a head remarkably resembling a bialy.
Sir Edmund Hillary
Climbed mountains all willy-nillary sorry...
And swore he would never rest
Until he was atop everest
Rosie *opens can of worms*
Interested, but never nosy
Sounds girly
But is, in reality, burly.
Gorgeous George Galloway
Was no Stanley Holloway
But his vitriolic performance in front of a US Congressional Committee
Gave rise to a really interesting Billy Bragg ditty.
Glenn Miller (pen) Ooh, I dunno. 5' 8", 11 stone 12. Empties can of worms into saucepan. Yummy!
A musical pillar
Played "Little Brown Jug" (the only thing I know about him)
And disappeared on his way to Paris in a fug. [Raak] bugger to rhyme, better than Pennsylvania 65000 though
Senator John Glenn
Went to the moon, but then came back again
But Captain Scott (Raak) "In the mood", "String of pearls", Tons of stuff. You're not old enough. :-)
Went to the South Pole and came back - not!
John Travolta
Went to Malta
But Olivia Newton-John
Took literally the old joke about Jamaica and so went to Kingston
Rumpole of the Bailey
A bottle of port daily
But Perry Mason
Only every other day, son.
René Descartes Careful . . .
Married geometry with classical algebra, two studies that had until then been thought irreconcilably apart oh, always.
Whereas Isaac Newton
Intrigued himself with laws of motion, the development of calculus, and was not involved in any way with the KGB, as was Putin.
Ethelred the Unready
Once he's got to the stage of getting Ready, then Steady
, went
And had sixteen children with Aelfgifu and the daughter of Thored, but never did make out with the Duchess of Kent.
Showy starman David Bowie
Disliked pizzas that were too doughy
The effect of these on his adrogynous persona
Was that his fans thought him bona
Anakin Skywalker
Expressed so much remorse at the death of Padme, but in such a totally rubbish way ("Noooooo!!!!" - I mean, what was that all about?) that he'll never be a top drawer after dinnertalker
His acting ability, rather than tears, evokes mucus
He might as well nuke us
James Watt
Noted Scot
Watched a kettle
Made of metal
Michael Palin
Acquired an exquisite collection of whale baleen
While Ann Boleyn
Found her head in the bin.
Jason, hero of ancient Greece [thanks for ending that one, Rosie]
Took his argonauts on a legendary journey to find a golden sheepskin that was in one piece
These lusty rowers (Juxt) It needed a mercy killing, unlike Ms Boleyn. :-)
Really messed up on their return and Jason's esteem lowers.
Jacques Chirac
Was denied a "d'ac!"
He may have to go (Raak) Nice!
Il n'est pas bien dans sa peau.
Silvio Berlusconi (Softers) Yet more classy stuff. :-)
Could win a 'Tony'
As Blair blags free holidays at posh Italian villas [Rosie] :-)
He keeps spouting hot air which would be sufficient to power a dwelling a bit like Windy Miller's.
Paris Hilton
Has a penchant for cheese, particularly Stilton
Also gorges on Cheddar
Which would possibly explain the fact that even when I see her with no clothes on I get a wilt on With no apologies
[Botherer] You should have rhymed with "Cheddar" and not "Stilton." It's Clerihews, not Glow Worms! Here's a replacment:-Which explains why I don't want to bed 'er
Bree van der Kamp
Is she a lady? Or a tramp?
Maybe both, according to the song
Thirty million Frenchmen can't be wrong.
Sydney Poitier
Doesn't wear anything designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier
Because he thinks [Darren] oops... too many games, not enough time...
Chic stinks.
Henry Ford
Sold Model Ts and got himself a multi-million dollar hoard
Whereas John Delorean
Wasted even morean.
Mahatma Gandhi
Shunned vodka and brandy, and to my knowledge never did date Jessica Tandy
Violence wasn't his thing
Neither was bling.
Michael Portillo (Botherer) :-)
Who, alegedly, many women would like to find on their pillow
Lost his seat
He was quite soundly beat
Bob Geldof
Thinks that the wife who left him for Michael Hutchence could have held off
That's why he swears
He only eats pears.
Home-style guru Martha Stewart, ex-con
Whose wealth outstrips the combined resources of The Queen, Delia Smith and Madonn...
Aims to top Bill Gates
As the person the world most hates.
Rudolf Diesel
Despite his fame for the combustion engine had all the endearing traits of a weasel
Whereas James Watt
Did not!
Isambard Kingdom Brunell
Designed the world's first steam-driven transatlantic carousel
Better known for his bridges
But unlike Jacob Perkins, not for fridges.
Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting
Has found his much vaunted and sickeningly overrated team somewhat wanting
On the other hand, Michael Vaugha
Thinks Ponting wishes he (Michael) was never born.
Mohammad Ashraful Did you watch it, DrQu+? Talk about warm the cockles of the heart.
Proved that Bangladesh, while still a little rough round the edges, can't be written off as dull Or so I understand from a 30-second perusal of the headlines....
While Inzamam-ul-Haq
Is wont to make a quick knock. I missed that one, and was quite floored by the headline. I did catch the England/Australia match from Bristol, which featured the awesome thwappings of...
Kevin Pietersen
Whose 25th birthday is in six days (June 27) is a good sportsman and quite a neat person
But he's no Andrew Flintoff
Neither will he have quite the political impact of Dom Mintoff. Thank God that one's over. :-(
Attila the Hun
Was a bundle of fun
His passion for terror
Left his men no margin for error
Charles de Gaulle
Was incredibly tall
"Après moi le déluge"
But it was Pompidou, his stooge.
Inspector Clouseau
Would practice judo
And Robinson Crusoe
Knew so.
Sir Christopher Wren
Has done it again
St. Paul's
Enthralls.
Theophilus Monk
Argued images are not junk (St. Theophilus, persecuted for defending the veneration of holy icons.)
But Leo the Isaurian
Rose to be an 8th century Byzantine Emperor through his prowess in the military, though it's uncertain whether he was ever a centurion
Sylvester Stallone
Has a voice like an agonised moan
Whereas Arnold Schwarzenegger
Is just a noisy beggar.
Harold Wilson
Never did date model Glenda Gilson (www.assetsmodels.com/female_models.php?model=19&i=6 - )
Neither, one strongly suspects, did his successor Edward Heath
Who is thought to have had a thing for Yasmine Bleeth.
David Hasselhoff
Told the residents of Basel off
For selling him a faulty signature line Mel Tormé "Swatch"
They offered him some scotch.
Batman begins
Almost as fast as Hurricane Higgins It's easy rhyme day, I see...
But cartoon mouse Speedy Gonzalez (Andele, Andele! Arriba, Arriba!))
fortunately frequents the bar less.
Katie Holmes
Allegedly prefers shorter men and gnomes
This predeliction
Surely must be fiction.
Speilberg's interpretation of War Of the Worlds
Makes your hair stand on end and straightens out your curls
While the 1938 broadcast by Orson Wells
Let loose all Hells.
Alfred Hitchcock
set his alarm clock [Software] that's Welles, please.
To a time that remains a mystery - invoking blindingly obvious feed-rhyme
The rest is history, Happy to oblige, Chalks
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
Is fluent in Bengali
This should serve him well
But who can tell?
Bob Geldof
Thinks the world of
Catherine Zeta-Jones (as so many do)
He'd like to jump her bones.
Stephen Fry
What a guy!
A prince, a pearl, a polymath
But not (as far as is known) an osteopath
Groucho Marx
enjoyed his larks
While brother Harpo
Parodied the Gestapo.
Leif the Lucky, viking gent
Gave up mead and strong ale for Lent
But Hagar the Horrible, contrarily
Continued to indulge, keeping it from Helga, warily.
Edward Heath inevitably
On losing the leadership of the Conservative Party to Margaret Thatcher was for the rest of his life fed up to back teeth
But, nevertheless, enjoyed his sailing
That is, when he wasn't bailing.
Ken Livingstone Nice one, Rosie
With his Estuarine drone
As Mayor of London
Has left a lot undone.
Former Transport Minister Stephen Byers
Hoped to impose a tax on frequent flyers
And on railways he told porkies
Hoping that we'd all go walkies
Franz Liszt
For all we know may well have met Johannes Brahms in Vienna and got pissed
Whereas, when he encountered Johann Strauss
He had the presence of mind not to ask about his latest spouse.
The noble canine Lassie *wince*
Was played in the movies by male dogs as bitches were far too sassy.
While Toto in "The Wizard of Oz"
Didn't care which sex it was. So they say.
Elizabeth Arden
Laces her cosmetics with 2-chloro-3-ethoxyphenyl-5-methylparaben
Which makes her lippy shiny
But has the side-effect of making sipped coffee taste briny
Sinn Fein President Gerry Adams
Has a strange rapport with bordello madams
This sounds like a Loyalist smear
Or something very near.
Sigourney Weaver
Is fascinated by the natural history of the beaver
And the fact that petting beavers is so much fun
Gave her the idea for her character in 'Alee-yun' erm...
[pen] Bravo!
Domenico Scarlatti
When ordered to his room after being naughty
Composed unplayable sonatas
And seven operas for Queen Maria Casimira apparently
Salvador Dali
Was as hypnotic as the legendary Svengali
Had a discerning eye for women but in the case of Amanda Lear
It seems to have deserted him, I fear.
Gaston Leroux's Phantom of the Opera
Was made into films several times but never by Frank Copra
Neither did he re-make Bram Stoker's "Dracula"
Although some of the movies he did make are considered quite spectacular.
The Three Musketeers
Sorry - could have sworn I saw a line there. Encore une fois
The Three Musketeers
Were queers Oh come on, it was begging for that line
But the Three Men in a Boat
Were more into Deep Throat.
Jerome K. Jerome
Is remembered for that one book alone
And that character of his, old Uncle Podger [I can see the obligatory next line already...]
A literary bastion as memorable as Dickens' Artful Dodger [I couldn't.]
Enid Blyton
Unlike Stephen King, didn't write stories that would frighten
Her Noddy books and the Famous Five
Made one glad, or perhaps not, to be alive
Lorna Doone
Had a personal genie who granted her a boon
Or am I confusing her with Alladin?
, or possibly Aladdin.
Robin Cook
Was principled and such a stand he took
Unlike Clare Short
Of whom it's difficult to find as glowing a report.
Bonnie and Clyde
Lied
But "Dangerous Dan" MacGraw
Swore.
Benjamin Disraeli
Dressed gaily
While William Gladstone, his arch rival
Had a sombre, almost funereal style, of which the only recollections now are archival
Gloria Estefan
Would be unlikely to do a gig in Esfahan er . . . Iran.
While Celine Dion
Quite often does one in Lyon.
(New lymerik) the idaho lisence plate offers eating suggestions
Good heavens, Holmes, what does this mean?
Clement Attlee
Intoned flatly
Unlike Winston Churchill
Who, in private, squeaked like Julie Burchill
Plato
His Republic wouldn't have joined NATO
He wrote: "Everything that deceives may be said to enchant"
And his books are both shorter and much easier to read than those of Kant
Peter Gabriel
Creates and lives his own bizarre unreal world - an unsavoury 'ell
Whereas Phil Collins
Thinks he's Henry Rollins
(Although I did consider "Doesn't.")
I
Being very egotistical and self centred, aye
but They
Being so introverted and self-effacing, nay.
Patsy Cline
Is no longer mine :-(
But the legacy of Twangy Guitar man Duane Eddy Dusted off (literally) some his 1959 singles last night. What taste I had in those days.
Was Heinz, already
Ogden Nash
His bones are ash alas . . .
His words, though, live on
To be long pondered upon
George Michael
Rides a unicycle
So there's nothing to sit on
For poor Elton John
Maya Angelou
Apparently an acclaimed African poetess and writer not previously known to me, but maybe to you
In fact she's a Yank
Who possibly owns a fishtank.
Lemuel Gulliver
Drank quite a bit upon his return from Lilliput, which swiftly destroyed his liver
Whereas Peter, Martin and Jack
Held back.
Richard Starkey
Is full of mullarkey
But I'm afraid, as a drummer (I set 'em up....)
, a bit of a bummer. (And I swallow the bait through sheer laziness because he wasn't all that bad, really.)
John Lennon (Let's go the whole hog.)
Who, although a multi-millionaire, wrote 'Imagine no possessions'
While Ringo
Had no such pretentious lingo. . . .thank God.
George Harrison (continuing the theme
Did not play lead guitar with a military band of Her Majesty's garrison
but the sainted Paul
Once knighted by her, often played with that band at hallowed Albert Hall.
.
Pete Best (flogging this one to death)
Dismissed by the Beatles in 1962, went to Germany to play drums at Oktoberfest
Whereas George Best
Never gives that kicking leg of his a rest.
Beatles manager Brian Epstein at least it can't get worse...
Had a fondness for alcholic beverages - except wine
On the other hand, George Martin
Arranged all the songs that had any art in.
Cher
Wears a wig because she has inadequate hair
While her ex-partner Sonny
Skied into a tree and didn't think it funny.
Steve Martin
Had absolutely nothing to do with the Rowan and Martin Laugh-in
This appellative similarity has yet, to my knowledge, to cause any great confusion
Yet stylistically one could be forgiven for not immediately coming to that conclusion.
Michael Caine
Failed to land a part in 'Citizen Kane'
While Orson Wells
Became cross when his name was spelled like "bells" and not like "belles".
Pianist and conductor Vladimir Ashkenazy
Is known for his tendency to visit the kazi
While Liberace
Was probably more interested in Versace (Chalky) That's uncanny! It's almost exactly the same as what I was thinking of as a possible rhyme. Clearly you are as lavatorial as I am. Dear me.
Heather Locklear
had an infected cochlea You heard it here first.
As did John Wayne which apparently excused him from service in WW2 despite all the films suggesting the contrary view
Who just gritted his teeth and insisted it caused him no pain
Marco Polo
Did not travel solo
Unlike Sir Francis Chichester
Which is why he did not remain Mister
Isambard Republic Kingdom Brunel
Ranks fairly high on the list of Historical Lucicrous Names, though to be fair his is more or less phoenetic to spell
Whereas Zbigniew Brzezinski
Unlike IKB lived outside his country of birth rather like the famous Russian ballet dancer Nijinski
Rogers and Hammerstein
Had little time for Palestine
While Gilbert and Sullivan
Were diatonic; dull even. (Juxtapose) Yeah, lucicrous. Hard luck. :-)
Ariel Sharon
Would never bungle a word like "ludicrous," as his talent for typing is well-known
Whereas Binyamin Netanyahu
Does the world's worst imitation of Homer Simpson pumping his arms and yelling "WOO-HOO!
Kenneth Horne
Starred in Beyond Our Ken without which it is unlikely that the more often quoted Round the Horne would never have been born.
But Kenneth Williams
Was in 'Carry-on' filliams
Milli Vanilli
Were very silly oblig.
So was Screaming Lord Sutch
Of talent neither had much.
Freddie Flintoff
Not really an In toff
Bur Shane Warne
Bur = but
Has been since the day he was born
Uriah Heep
Was unctuous, selfish and cheap
Why did Dickens write such an antagonist?
no particular reason.... he was pissed
Wayne Rooney Let's have an easy one.
A complete loony I guess that's what you had in mind, Rosie
He thinks a red card
Is well 'ard sorrysorrysorry
Alan Bennett . . . . not so easy . . . (pen) Naughty but good. :-)
When not appearing on TV tinkers with making cheeses without rennet
He is famous for his Northerness [pen] good one.
Which shone through in an accent he made no attempt to suppress
Kate Moss ...topical or what?
Who gives a toss?
What supermodels snort
I care naught
.
Hugo Weaving
Acts in films unlike those from Ealing
His films these days tend to have lots of effects
But not enough sex.
Juan Pablo Montoya
A veggie, into soya
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
His combined realism and fantasy batters your head
Madonna
Or, more boldly,
Madonna
Her husband's new film, Revolver seems to be a gonner
While she dabbles in Kaballah
An activity that will do little to improve her pallor.
The Sultan of Brunei
Knows of only two things he cannot buy:
My undying love,
And Allah, above.
Ashton Kutcher
Halal butcher Could be. Day job.
As far as I am concerned it doesn't matter
How the meat gets from the field onto my platter
Muhammad Ali
Was better than even Mr. T in Rocky III
However, the latter had the upper hand
Over Henry Cooper in this land.
Long Ben, The Pirate
Had a musket but couldn't fire it
d'Artagnan, on the other hand
Seemed to use his sword, just like the rest of the band.
Ken Clarke
Would make an excellent Bellman if they ever filmed 'The hunting of the snark'
Whereas Michael Howard
His career is soured. Rule 1 - All Welsh Tories shall have names beginning with H. (Howe, Heseltine, Howard). Rule 2 - None shall have a Welsh accent, ever.
David Davies Based on Rosie's analysis, obviously unelectable
Has been distracted from the leadership battle by his love of gravies
His attention to diet (Softers) I think he's a Davis, and not Welsh AFAIK.
Was cleverly instilled subliminally by his opposition to keep him quiet. Bizarre conspiracies #11603
The late, great Ronnie Barker Re - Tories. The disturbing thought has occurred to me that I am of 100% Welsh descent, have a surname beginning with 'H' and do not have a Welsh accent. Dear Agony Aunt, am I a Tory?
For television commedians, the marker
Four candles we'll light to remember
And keep lit 'til just before it turns November. fitting tribute, even by accident
The sightless David Blunkett
Who has been known to take the odd junket
Has a rather uneven beard
And a staggering degree of arrogance and cupidity that in anybody, let alone one who professes to be a so-called 'socialist', is quite frankly wierd. But I'm sure he's a nice guy, really ... It's not his fault alone that his meagre political achievements are writ in sand, and the tide is nearly in already.
Queen Boudicca Pronounce it as you will . . .
Proud leader of the Iceni who despite worshipping pagan gods were not wicca
Had a bit of a thing against the Roman invaders
And was born before the invention of rubber waders.
Morgan Freeman *nodded assent to Darren*
Is noted for for having fluorescent green socks which are frequently coated in monkey semen
And while that may seem just a little bizarre
That's the way left-handed people are. I should know.
Karl Rove
Is slithy as a tove
While Dick Cheney
Aint so brainy
Guy Fawkes
Only cost one penny and had a football for a head, and presumably his voice sounded a bit like Tony Hawks
He was known for his dire works
In November 1605, beneath the Houses of Parliament he plots and lurks
Mrs Beeton
Her tomes on household manaqement are well known and her recipes are often eaten
Except for the braised lamb shank
Which needs marinading for so long that it always ends up tasting rank
Jacques Chirac
Regularly examines the Paris Cac
Currently, he has a burning question
Which is giving him acute indigestion.
Pikachu
Was a nasty little computer virus
Like
(If you ignore the computer virus bit) David Icke
Faux fur
Oft worn by famous personalities such as Cher
Who also has a new arse Wonder who he is. (nfras) First line is supposed to be a person.
After a faux pas by nfras
James Bond
Is wont to throw villains into the nearest shark pond
Whereas Pussy Galore
Tried to show him the door.
Isaac Bashevis Singer
For Gollum was something of a dead ringer (according to this photo)
However
He'd never been to Micheldever.
Marcus Trescothick
Always travels with a lucky red brick
Presumably to assist his stonewall batting
Like, say, Mike Gatting.
Paul McDermott
Seems to get about a lot
While Paul Simon
Prefers rhymin'.
Antonio Stradivari
Probably didn't speak Polari
But Bartolomeo Guarneri
Sounded just like Julian Clary. String 'em up, I say
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