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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Whose 25th birthday is in six days (June 27) is a good sportsman and quite a neat person
But he's no Andrew Flintoff
Neither will he have quite the political impact of Dom Mintoff. Thank God that one's over. :-(
Attila the Hun
Was a bundle of fun
His passion for terror
Left his men no margin for error
Charles de Gaulle
Was incredibly tall
"Après moi le déluge"
But it was Pompidou, his stooge.
Inspector Clouseau
Would practice judo
And Robinson Crusoe
Knew so.
Sir Christopher Wren
Has done it again
St. Paul's
Enthralls.
Theophilus Monk
Argued images are not junk (St. Theophilus, persecuted for defending the veneration of holy icons.)
But Leo the Isaurian
Rose to be an 8th century Byzantine Emperor through his prowess in the military, though it's uncertain whether he was ever a centurion
Sylvester Stallone
Has a voice like an agonised moan
Whereas Arnold Schwarzenegger
Is just a noisy beggar.
Harold Wilson
Never did date model Glenda Gilson (www.assetsmodels.com/female_models.php?model=19&i=6 - )
Neither, one strongly suspects, did his successor Edward Heath
Who is thought to have had a thing for Yasmine Bleeth.
David Hasselhoff
Told the residents of Basel off
For selling him a faulty signature line Mel Tormé "Swatch"
They offered him some scotch.
Batman begins
Almost as fast as Hurricane Higgins It's easy rhyme day, I see...
But cartoon mouse Speedy Gonzalez (Andele, Andele! Arriba, Arriba!))
fortunately frequents the bar less.
Katie Holmes
Allegedly prefers shorter men and gnomes
This predeliction
Surely must be fiction.
Speilberg's interpretation of War Of the Worlds
Makes your hair stand on end and straightens out your curls
While the 1938 broadcast by Orson Wells
Let loose all Hells.
Alfred Hitchcock
set his alarm clock [Software] that's Welles, please.
To a time that remains a mystery - invoking blindingly obvious feed-rhyme
The rest is history, Happy to oblige, Chalks
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
Is fluent in Bengali
This should serve him well
But who can tell?
Bob Geldof
Thinks the world of
Catherine Zeta-Jones (as so many do)
He'd like to jump her bones.
Stephen Fry
What a guy!
A prince, a pearl, a polymath
But not (as far as is known) an osteopath
Groucho Marx
enjoyed his larks
While brother Harpo
Parodied the Gestapo.
Leif the Lucky, viking gent
Gave up mead and strong ale for Lent
But Hagar the Horrible, contrarily
Continued to indulge, keeping it from Helga, warily.
Edward Heath inevitably
On losing the leadership of the Conservative Party to Margaret Thatcher was for the rest of his life fed up to back teeth
But, nevertheless, enjoyed his sailing
That is, when he wasn't bailing.
Ken Livingstone Nice one, Rosie
With his Estuarine drone
As Mayor of London
Has left a lot undone.
Former Transport Minister Stephen Byers
Hoped to impose a tax on frequent flyers
And on railways he told porkies
Hoping that we'd all go walkies
Franz Liszt
For all we know may well have met Johannes Brahms in Vienna and got pissed
Whereas, when he encountered Johann Strauss
He had the presence of mind not to ask about his latest spouse.
The noble canine Lassie *wince*
Was played in the movies by male dogs as bitches were far too sassy.
While Toto in "The Wizard of Oz"
Didn't care which sex it was. So they say.
Elizabeth Arden
Laces her cosmetics with 2-chloro-3-ethoxyphenyl-5-methylparaben
Which makes her lippy shiny
But has the side-effect of making sipped coffee taste briny
Sinn Fein President Gerry Adams
Has a strange rapport with bordello madams
This sounds like a Loyalist smear
Or something very near.
Sigourney Weaver
Is fascinated by the natural history of the beaver
And the fact that petting beavers is so much fun
Gave her the idea for her character in 'Alee-yun' erm...
[pen] Bravo!
Domenico Scarlatti
When ordered to his room after being naughty
Composed unplayable sonatas
And seven operas for Queen Maria Casimira apparently
Salvador Dali
Was as hypnotic as the legendary Svengali
Had a discerning eye for women but in the case of Amanda Lear
It seems to have deserted him, I fear.
Gaston Leroux's Phantom of the Opera
Was made into films several times but never by Frank Copra
Neither did he re-make Bram Stoker's "Dracula"
Although some of the movies he did make are considered quite spectacular.
The Three Musketeers
Sorry - could have sworn I saw a line there. Encore une fois
The Three Musketeers
Were queers Oh come on, it was begging for that line
But the Three Men in a Boat
Were more into Deep Throat.
Jerome K. Jerome
Is remembered for that one book alone
And that character of his, old Uncle Podger [I can see the obligatory next line already...]
A literary bastion as memorable as Dickens' Artful Dodger [I couldn't.]
Enid Blyton
Unlike Stephen King, didn't write stories that would frighten
Her Noddy books and the Famous Five
Made one glad, or perhaps not, to be alive
Lorna Doone
Had a personal genie who granted her a boon
Or am I confusing her with Alladin?
, or possibly Aladdin.
Robin Cook
Was principled and such a stand he took
Unlike Clare Short
Of whom it's difficult to find as glowing a report.
Bonnie and Clyde
Lied
But "Dangerous Dan" MacGraw
Swore.
Benjamin Disraeli
Dressed gaily
While William Gladstone, his arch rival
Had a sombre, almost funereal style, of which the only recollections now are archival
Gloria Estefan
Would be unlikely to do a gig in Esfahan er . . . Iran.
While Celine Dion
Quite often does one in Lyon.
(New lymerik) the idaho lisence plate offers eating suggestions
Good heavens, Holmes, what does this mean?
Clement Attlee
Intoned flatly
Unlike Winston Churchill
Who, in private, squeaked like Julie Burchill
Plato
His Republic wouldn't have joined NATO
He wrote: "Everything that deceives may be said to enchant"
And his books are both shorter and much easier to read than those of Kant
Peter Gabriel
Creates and lives his own bizarre unreal world - an unsavoury 'ell
Whereas Phil Collins
Thinks he's Henry Rollins
(Although I did consider "Doesn't.")
I
Being very egotistical and self centred, aye
but They
Being so introverted and self-effacing, nay.
Patsy Cline
Is no longer mine :-(
But the legacy of Twangy Guitar man Duane Eddy Dusted off (literally) some his 1959 singles last night. What taste I had in those days.
Was Heinz, already
Ogden Nash
His bones are ash alas . . .
His words, though, live on
To be long pondered upon
George Michael
Rides a unicycle
So there's nothing to sit on
For poor Elton John
Maya Angelou
Apparently an acclaimed African poetess and writer not previously known to me, but maybe to you
In fact she's a Yank
Who possibly owns a fishtank.
Lemuel Gulliver
Drank quite a bit upon his return from Lilliput, which swiftly destroyed his liver
Whereas Peter, Martin and Jack
Held back.
Richard Starkey
Is full of mullarkey
But I'm afraid, as a drummer (I set 'em up....)
, a bit of a bummer. (And I swallow the bait through sheer laziness because he wasn't all that bad, really.)
John Lennon (Let's go the whole hog.)
Who, although a multi-millionaire, wrote 'Imagine no possessions'
While Ringo
Had no such pretentious lingo. . . .thank God.
George Harrison (continuing the theme
Did not play lead guitar with a military band of Her Majesty's garrison
but the sainted Paul
Once knighted by her, often played with that band at hallowed Albert Hall.
.
Pete Best (flogging this one to death)
Dismissed by the Beatles in 1962, went to Germany to play drums at Oktoberfest
Whereas George Best
Never gives that kicking leg of his a rest.
Beatles manager Brian Epstein at least it can't get worse...
Had a fondness for alcholic beverages - except wine
On the other hand, George Martin
Arranged all the songs that had any art in.
Cher
Wears a wig because she has inadequate hair
While her ex-partner Sonny
Skied into a tree and didn't think it funny.
Steve Martin
Had absolutely nothing to do with the Rowan and Martin Laugh-in
This appellative similarity has yet, to my knowledge, to cause any great confusion
Yet stylistically one could be forgiven for not immediately coming to that conclusion.
Michael Caine
Failed to land a part in 'Citizen Kane'
While Orson Wells
Became cross when his name was spelled like "bells" and not like "belles".
Pianist and conductor Vladimir Ashkenazy
Is known for his tendency to visit the kazi
While Liberace
Was probably more interested in Versace (Chalky) That's uncanny! It's almost exactly the same as what I was thinking of as a possible rhyme. Clearly you are as lavatorial as I am. Dear me.
Heather Locklear
had an infected cochlea You heard it here first.
As did John Wayne which apparently excused him from service in WW2 despite all the films suggesting the contrary view
Who just gritted his teeth and insisted it caused him no pain
Marco Polo
Did not travel solo
Unlike Sir Francis Chichester
Which is why he did not remain Mister
Isambard Republic Kingdom Brunel
Ranks fairly high on the list of Historical Lucicrous Names, though to be fair his is more or less phoenetic to spell
Whereas Zbigniew Brzezinski
Unlike IKB lived outside his country of birth rather like the famous Russian ballet dancer Nijinski
Rogers and Hammerstein
Had little time for Palestine
While Gilbert and Sullivan
Were diatonic; dull even. (Juxtapose) Yeah, lucicrous. Hard luck. :-)
Ariel Sharon
Would never bungle a word like "ludicrous," as his talent for typing is well-known
Whereas Binyamin Netanyahu
Does the world's worst imitation of Homer Simpson pumping his arms and yelling "WOO-HOO!
Kenneth Horne
Starred in Beyond Our Ken without which it is unlikely that the more often quoted Round the Horne would never have been born.
But Kenneth Williams
Was in 'Carry-on' filliams
Milli Vanilli
Were very silly oblig.
So was Screaming Lord Sutch
Of talent neither had much.
Freddie Flintoff
Not really an In toff
Bur Shane Warne
Bur = but
Has been since the day he was born
Uriah Heep
Was unctuous, selfish and cheap
Why did Dickens write such an antagonist?
no particular reason.... he was pissed
Wayne Rooney Let's have an easy one.
A complete loony I guess that's what you had in mind, Rosie
He thinks a red card
Is well 'ard sorrysorrysorry
Alan Bennett . . . . not so easy . . . (pen) Naughty but good. :-)
When not appearing on TV tinkers with making cheeses without rennet
He is famous for his Northerness [pen] good one.
Which shone through in an accent he made no attempt to suppress
Kate Moss ...topical or what?
Who gives a toss?
What supermodels snort
I care naught
.
Hugo Weaving
Acts in films unlike those from Ealing
His films these days tend to have lots of effects
But not enough sex.
Juan Pablo Montoya
A veggie, into soya
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
His combined realism and fantasy batters your head
Madonna
Or, more boldly,
Madonna
Her husband's new film, Revolver seems to be a gonner
While she dabbles in Kaballah
An activity that will do little to improve her pallor.
The Sultan of Brunei
Knows of only two things he cannot buy:
My undying love,
And Allah, above.
Ashton Kutcher
Halal butcher Could be. Day job.
As far as I am concerned it doesn't matter
How the meat gets from the field onto my platter
Muhammad Ali
Was better than even Mr. T in Rocky III
However, the latter had the upper hand
Over Henry Cooper in this land.
Long Ben, The Pirate
Had a musket but couldn't fire it
d'Artagnan, on the other hand
Seemed to use his sword, just like the rest of the band.
Ken Clarke
Would make an excellent Bellman if they ever filmed 'The hunting of the snark'
Whereas Michael Howard
His career is soured. Rule 1 - All Welsh Tories shall have names beginning with H. (Howe, Heseltine, Howard). Rule 2 - None shall have a Welsh accent, ever.
David Davies Based on Rosie's analysis, obviously unelectable
Has been distracted from the leadership battle by his love of gravies
His attention to diet (Softers) I think he's a Davis, and not Welsh AFAIK.
Was cleverly instilled subliminally by his opposition to keep him quiet. Bizarre conspiracies #11603
The late, great Ronnie Barker Re - Tories. The disturbing thought has occurred to me that I am of 100% Welsh descent, have a surname beginning with 'H' and do not have a Welsh accent. Dear Agony Aunt, am I a Tory?
For television commedians, the marker
Four candles we'll light to remember
And keep lit 'til just before it turns November. fitting tribute, even by accident
The sightless David Blunkett
Who has been known to take the odd junket
Has a rather uneven beard
And a staggering degree of arrogance and cupidity that in anybody, let alone one who professes to be a so-called 'socialist', is quite frankly wierd. But I'm sure he's a nice guy, really ... It's not his fault alone that his meagre political achievements are writ in sand, and the tide is nearly in already.
Queen Boudicca Pronounce it as you will . . .
Proud leader of the Iceni who despite worshipping pagan gods were not wicca
Had a bit of a thing against the Roman invaders
And was born before the invention of rubber waders.
Morgan Freeman *nodded assent to Darren*
Is noted for for having fluorescent green socks which are frequently coated in monkey semen
And while that may seem just a little bizarre
That's the way left-handed people are. I should know.
Karl Rove
Is slithy as a tove
While Dick Cheney
Aint so brainy
Guy Fawkes
Only cost one penny and had a football for a head, and presumably his voice sounded a bit like Tony Hawks
He was known for his dire works
In November 1605, beneath the Houses of Parliament he plots and lurks
Mrs Beeton
Her tomes on household manaqement are well known and her recipes are often eaten
Except for the braised lamb shank
Which needs marinading for so long that it always ends up tasting rank
Jacques Chirac
Regularly examines the Paris Cac
Currently, he has a burning question
Which is giving him acute indigestion.
Pikachu
Was a nasty little computer virus
Like
(If you ignore the computer virus bit) David Icke
Faux fur
Oft worn by famous personalities such as Cher
Who also has a new arse Wonder who he is. (nfras) First line is supposed to be a person.
After a faux pas by nfras
James Bond
Is wont to throw villains into the nearest shark pond
Whereas Pussy Galore
Tried to show him the door.
Isaac Bashevis Singer
For Gollum was something of a dead ringer (according to this photo)
However
He'd never been to Micheldever.
Marcus Trescothick
Always travels with a lucky red brick
Presumably to assist his stonewall batting
Like, say, Mike Gatting.
Paul McDermott
Seems to get about a lot
While Paul Simon
Prefers rhymin'.
Antonio Stradivari
Probably didn't speak Polari
But Bartolomeo Guarneri
Sounded just like Julian Clary. String 'em up, I say
Robert Schumann
A genius, with failings all too human
Some of his works were destroyed by Brahms
A fact about which some people are up in arms.
Rudyard Kipling
Had muscles so rippling
That If he wrote
He'd rock the boat.
knew
She
Would dump you if she caught you kissing her best friend in Argos full on the lips, so don't even think of blaming me.
Sir Philip Sydney
Was shot at Zutphen (though not in the kidney)
"An Apology for Poetry," perhaps like this, was something he wrote
Whilst observing his favourite beast, the mountain goat. ".. ye goat-herd Gods that love the grassy mountains .." *sigh* they don't write them like that any more ..
Percy Bysshe Shelley
A died in the wool conservative? No, not on your nelly!
Atheist, freethinker and rebel
If the Library won't help then perhaps the Web'll.
[softers] dyed, dyed, dyed. One hundred times please :o)
Sorry, miss. Will you spank me? dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed. :-)
Lady Di ...pronounced "dye"
[softers] No. Don't ask again.
Didst die ...pronounced "dai"
In a Paris car crash ..pronounced "ker-ash"
Some might say that was a bit rash.
Galileo Galilei
Made a telescope with which to spy
While Nicolaus Copernicus
Caused a fuss.
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
Has been silent since
He was asked to pronounce his new name
Since when he's never been quite the same
Dolly the sheep
Was rather surprisingly found to be philosophically deep
However, her sibling, also called Dolly
Said very little except for, "Oh golly!"
Little Bo Peep
May have inadvertantly started an urban legend by falling asleep
Of greater consequence is her ovine misplacement
Nevertheless, an otherwise disasterous situation was fortunately averted by the sheep's intrinsic capacity to reorient.
Tommy Steele
Nostalgic appeal (Softers) 'Ere, that don't rhyme.
[Rosie] I saw him in "Scrooge" at the Palladium last night, incidentally.
Not dead yet
His maker he's not met.
Terry Dean Whilst in nostalgia mode. [Rosie] mmm, it was a bit tricky, it does end in '-ent' :-)
When Googled gives 153,000 options to glean
My money's on the New Zealand rocker
I doubt he remembers Jarvis Cocker
Kingsley Amis
Yes - that's what his name is -
Has a brother
With whom he shares a mother
John Le Carré
used to go dancing at the Hammersmith Palais
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Choreographer
Now that the Cold War is over, his next book is rumoured to be about a geographer.
Rupert Sheldrake
Has resonantly morphed into a corncrake
Our collective memory won't let us forget him
And his belief that animals communicate through telepathy was memorably tested in The colour of magic when Rincewind and Twoflower impersonated chelonauts and were launched (closely followed by The Luggage) over the Disc's Rim
Christian author C.S.Lewis
Intended his work to be sung to music by Peter Brewis
However, his writings in moralistic parables using imaginary creatures from fantasy worlds
Endeared him, particularly in the North-East, to children sitting at home suffering from curlds. (y'knaa)
Roald Dahl
Wrote books with characters that would often snarl
Whereas Enid Blyton
Had famously five and secretly seven to write on.
George Orwell
Seemed to foretell
Reality telly
And farms being taken over by George Melly
Colin Sell
Contrary to popular belief, can play the piano rather well
While Liberace (cf)
To my untrained ear, sounds rather starchy
Saint Nicholas
Is traditionally greeted by a cry of, "Please tickle us!"
Whereas Saint Christopher
In his sheepskin, is "Mr Fur".
Good King Wenceslas
Felt cold, so he sent for 'is lass
She, as the Queen of Bohemia
,Made things somewhat steamier
George Frederick Handel
Wrote mostly by the light of a candle
But Benjamin Britten
Was with gaslight smitten
Edgar Allen Poe
Was only 40 when he had to go
Fifteen years older than his late wife Virginia
Who was 25, but you knew that didn'ya?
Harriet Beecher Stowe (continuing trinomiality)
Never hunted polar bears on an ice floe
Although the subtext of Uncle Tom's Cabin
Absolutely fascinated Premier Yitzhak Rabin.
Margaret Bleeding Thatcher . . . . and happy to continue yet further . . .
Ran so fast no one could catch her
While her embarassing non-identical twins
Raided Oddbins
Richard Milhous Nixon
Was married to an alcoholic vixen
Whereas James Earl Carter (irach) The founder of Fucks Fox News?
Married his next door neighbour, who certainly was less of a lush but not much smarter.
Dwight David Eisenhower
Wielded supreme executive power
So, alas, did Joseph Vissarionovich Djugashvili
Who ruled with a firm iron fist, albeit willy-nilly.
George MacDonald Fraser
Rarely went out without his Household Cavalry blazer
Quite unlike Norman Stanley Fletcher, old lag
Who never went out at all while he was banged up for a blag.
Thomas Stearns Eliot
A Yank, and Nobel Prize Laureate
Was,like William Butler Yeats,
A poet frequently called upon to open fêtes
William Topaz McGonagall
Wrote much deathless verse, such as his lament on the Tay Bridge disaster, which will never pall
whereas e e cummings
had all his teeth. removed without. Numbings.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Had he been born a couple of centuries later, would probably have ended his days as a minor celebrity who showed up in second-rate quiz shows on the telly.
As it was, he died in 1822
Which made Mary blue
Julius Henry Marx
Amused us with his larks
While George Bernard Shaw
Was rather more of a bore.
Jeremy John Durham Ashdown
Often pictured with a frown
Not becoming Prime Minister must have been a bit annoying
But he made up for the disappointment with his quasi-military envoying.
Simon Phillip Hugh Francis Neil Callow
Has achieved the unlikely feat of making reality TV even more shallow
In bold, obviously
Openly gay and acts the part
Wherever do his talents start?
Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde
Comitted buggery and was then reviled
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