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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Tony Blair
Labour's despair
May be brought down
By Gordon Brown. forced
Casanova
Was known to get his leg over
They say he also used protection
Despite the Pope's theological objection
Benjamin Disraeli
As PM was promoted to the Lords and spoke there daily
(As opposed to merely
twice yearly)
William Gladstone
Disdained the whole grubby business of canvassing, kissing babies and making extravagent promises to the electorate (as far as is known)
But became famous for his bag
and never losing his rag.
Nights
Loves good frights
But his essential commitments to his studies at The University Of Bath mean his sojourns here are no longer as regular as they used to be
But an ex-MCer is something I am sure he would refuse to be.
Napoleon and Josephine
Apparently, at night, together would ne'r be seen
He'd tell her "DON'T WASH"
And then this poem ended, the last line distinctly lacking panache.
The Dalai Lama
Couldn't be calmer
He ponders great things
And does not desire blings.
Ravi Shankar
Has rarely regretted defying his parents' wish for him to become a banker
HSBC's loss
Especially since Bank of America just hired Luther Vandross
Elton John Much belated praise for The Dalai Lama one before last. Excellent!
Is neither forgotten nor gone
Whereas Billy Joel
Is on the roll
Frodo Baggins
Went on a long and at times excruciatingly painful journey in payment for someone else's sins
Whereas Sam Gamgee
Might well have had a far less exhausting time of it if he'd simply suggested at Rivendell that those big Eagle fellas give his Master a lift straight to Mordor where he could've chucked the Ring in from the air, and been flown back home in time for tea.
Fay Weldon
Seldom
If ever
Said "Sir".
Boris Johnson
A haircut? He wants 'un.
Although, by and large, he'll tend to avoid Liverpudlian hairdressing salons
Those Judies have talons.
Robert Kilroy-Silk
Soured milk
whereas Tony Blair Don't all rush
Is yesterday's square.
Darth Vader
No friend of Ralph Nader
No father to Luke in any real sense other than biologically
And had a head remarkably resembling a bialy.
Sir Edmund Hillary
Climbed mountains all willy-nillary sorry...
And swore he would never rest
Until he was atop everest
Rosie *opens can of worms*
Interested, but never nosy
Sounds girly
But is, in reality, burly.
Gorgeous George Galloway
Was no Stanley Holloway
But his vitriolic performance in front of a US Congressional Committee
Gave rise to a really interesting Billy Bragg ditty.
Glenn Miller (pen) Ooh, I dunno. 5' 8", 11 stone 12. Empties can of worms into saucepan. Yummy!
A musical pillar
Played "Little Brown Jug" (the only thing I know about him)
And disappeared on his way to Paris in a fug. [Raak] bugger to rhyme, better than Pennsylvania 65000 though
Senator John Glenn
Went to the moon, but then came back again
But Captain Scott (Raak) "In the mood", "String of pearls", Tons of stuff. You're not old enough. :-)
Went to the South Pole and came back - not!
John Travolta
Went to Malta
But Olivia Newton-John
Took literally the old joke about Jamaica and so went to Kingston
Rumpole of the Bailey
A bottle of port daily
But Perry Mason
Only every other day, son.
René Descartes Careful . . .
Married geometry with classical algebra, two studies that had until then been thought irreconcilably apart oh, always.
Whereas Isaac Newton
Intrigued himself with laws of motion, the development of calculus, and was not involved in any way with the KGB, as was Putin.
Ethelred the Unready
Once he's got to the stage of getting Ready, then Steady
, went
And had sixteen children with Aelfgifu and the daughter of Thored, but never did make out with the Duchess of Kent.
Showy starman David Bowie
Disliked pizzas that were too doughy
The effect of these on his adrogynous persona
Was that his fans thought him bona
Anakin Skywalker
Expressed so much remorse at the death of Padme, but in such a totally rubbish way ("Noooooo!!!!" - I mean, what was that all about?) that he'll never be a top drawer after dinnertalker
His acting ability, rather than tears, evokes mucus
He might as well nuke us
James Watt
Noted Scot
Watched a kettle
Made of metal
Michael Palin
Acquired an exquisite collection of whale baleen
While Ann Boleyn
Found her head in the bin.
Jason, hero of ancient Greece [thanks for ending that one, Rosie]
Took his argonauts on a legendary journey to find a golden sheepskin that was in one piece
These lusty rowers (Juxt) It needed a mercy killing, unlike Ms Boleyn. :-)
Really messed up on their return and Jason's esteem lowers.
Jacques Chirac
Was denied a "d'ac!"
He may have to go (Raak) Nice!
Il n'est pas bien dans sa peau.
Silvio Berlusconi (Softers) Yet more classy stuff. :-)
Could win a 'Tony'
As Blair blags free holidays at posh Italian villas [Rosie] :-)
He keeps spouting hot air which would be sufficient to power a dwelling a bit like Windy Miller's.
Paris Hilton
Has a penchant for cheese, particularly Stilton
Also gorges on Cheddar
Which would possibly explain the fact that even when I see her with no clothes on I get a wilt on With no apologies
[Botherer] You should have rhymed with "Cheddar" and not "Stilton." It's Clerihews, not Glow Worms! Here's a replacment:-Which explains why I don't want to bed 'er
Bree van der Kamp
Is she a lady? Or a tramp?
Maybe both, according to the song
Thirty million Frenchmen can't be wrong.
Sydney Poitier
Doesn't wear anything designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier
Because he thinks [Darren] oops... too many games, not enough time...
Chic stinks.
Henry Ford
Sold Model Ts and got himself a multi-million dollar hoard
Whereas John Delorean
Wasted even morean.
Mahatma Gandhi
Shunned vodka and brandy, and to my knowledge never did date Jessica Tandy
Violence wasn't his thing
Neither was bling.
Michael Portillo (Botherer) :-)
Who, alegedly, many women would like to find on their pillow
Lost his seat
He was quite soundly beat
Bob Geldof
Thinks that the wife who left him for Michael Hutchence could have held off
That's why he swears
He only eats pears.
Home-style guru Martha Stewart, ex-con
Whose wealth outstrips the combined resources of The Queen, Delia Smith and Madonn...
Aims to top Bill Gates
As the person the world most hates.
Rudolf Diesel
Despite his fame for the combustion engine had all the endearing traits of a weasel
Whereas James Watt
Did not!
Isambard Kingdom Brunell
Designed the world's first steam-driven transatlantic carousel
Better known for his bridges
But unlike Jacob Perkins, not for fridges.
Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting
Has found his much vaunted and sickeningly overrated team somewhat wanting
On the other hand, Michael Vaugha
Thinks Ponting wishes he (Michael) was never born.
Mohammad Ashraful Did you watch it, DrQu+? Talk about warm the cockles of the heart.
Proved that Bangladesh, while still a little rough round the edges, can't be written off as dull Or so I understand from a 30-second perusal of the headlines....
While Inzamam-ul-Haq
Is wont to make a quick knock. I missed that one, and was quite floored by the headline. I did catch the England/Australia match from Bristol, which featured the awesome thwappings of...
Kevin Pietersen
Whose 25th birthday is in six days (June 27) is a good sportsman and quite a neat person
But he's no Andrew Flintoff
Neither will he have quite the political impact of Dom Mintoff. Thank God that one's over. :-(
Attila the Hun
Was a bundle of fun
His passion for terror
Left his men no margin for error
Charles de Gaulle
Was incredibly tall
"Après moi le déluge"
But it was Pompidou, his stooge.
Inspector Clouseau
Would practice judo
And Robinson Crusoe
Knew so.
Sir Christopher Wren
Has done it again
St. Paul's
Enthralls.
Theophilus Monk
Argued images are not junk (St. Theophilus, persecuted for defending the veneration of holy icons.)
But Leo the Isaurian
Rose to be an 8th century Byzantine Emperor through his prowess in the military, though it's uncertain whether he was ever a centurion
Sylvester Stallone
Has a voice like an agonised moan
Whereas Arnold Schwarzenegger
Is just a noisy beggar.
Harold Wilson
Never did date model Glenda Gilson (www.assetsmodels.com/female_models.php?model=19&i=6 - )
Neither, one strongly suspects, did his successor Edward Heath
Who is thought to have had a thing for Yasmine Bleeth.
David Hasselhoff
Told the residents of Basel off
For selling him a faulty signature line Mel Tormé "Swatch"
They offered him some scotch.
Batman begins
Almost as fast as Hurricane Higgins It's easy rhyme day, I see...
But cartoon mouse Speedy Gonzalez (Andele, Andele! Arriba, Arriba!))
fortunately frequents the bar less.
Katie Holmes
Allegedly prefers shorter men and gnomes
This predeliction
Surely must be fiction.
Speilberg's interpretation of War Of the Worlds
Makes your hair stand on end and straightens out your curls
While the 1938 broadcast by Orson Wells
Let loose all Hells.
Alfred Hitchcock
set his alarm clock [Software] that's Welles, please.
To a time that remains a mystery - invoking blindingly obvious feed-rhyme
The rest is history, Happy to oblige, Chalks
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
Is fluent in Bengali
This should serve him well
But who can tell?
Bob Geldof
Thinks the world of
Catherine Zeta-Jones (as so many do)
He'd like to jump her bones.
Stephen Fry
What a guy!
A prince, a pearl, a polymath
But not (as far as is known) an osteopath
Groucho Marx
enjoyed his larks
While brother Harpo
Parodied the Gestapo.
Leif the Lucky, viking gent
Gave up mead and strong ale for Lent
But Hagar the Horrible, contrarily
Continued to indulge, keeping it from Helga, warily.
Edward Heath inevitably
On losing the leadership of the Conservative Party to Margaret Thatcher was for the rest of his life fed up to back teeth
But, nevertheless, enjoyed his sailing
That is, when he wasn't bailing.
Ken Livingstone Nice one, Rosie
With his Estuarine drone
As Mayor of London
Has left a lot undone.
Former Transport Minister Stephen Byers
Hoped to impose a tax on frequent flyers
And on railways he told porkies
Hoping that we'd all go walkies
Franz Liszt
For all we know may well have met Johannes Brahms in Vienna and got pissed
Whereas, when he encountered Johann Strauss
He had the presence of mind not to ask about his latest spouse.
The noble canine Lassie *wince*
Was played in the movies by male dogs as bitches were far too sassy.
While Toto in "The Wizard of Oz"
Didn't care which sex it was. So they say.
Elizabeth Arden
Laces her cosmetics with 2-chloro-3-ethoxyphenyl-5-methylparaben
Which makes her lippy shiny
But has the side-effect of making sipped coffee taste briny
Sinn Fein President Gerry Adams
Has a strange rapport with bordello madams
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