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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Charlotte Church
Should be given the birch
For beating up boyfriend's who have no discression or tact
Let her be whacked.
It's a foregone conclusion
That some of these poems instead of naming the subject straight off will only reference them by allusion
And, inevitably, while some will be formatted incorrectly,
others, though orthodox in form and hoping to excite the reader, will, through laborious witlessness, fail abjectly. Not getting at anyone, no, really.
Once paid a visit to Crewe
Sadly, he really wanted to be in Birmingham
Where he could have exercised his flabby thighs and begun firming 'em.
Charlotte Green Yummy! though not as yummy as Corrie Corfield, R4 fans.
Chocolate voice, serene With you all the way, Rosie:-)
Though she doesn't have the gherkins Euphemism invoked, and next rhyme forced.
Bun, lettuce, mayo, cheese, beef pattie and special sauce of Brian Perkins *sigh* I am so pleased that's over.
The itinerant, St Patrick
Never bowled a hat trick
As cricket had not been invented
He had to devise other ways of driving people demented
Ray Mears
Appears to have no fears
And can do without ordinary household goods
But I bet his cameramen don't sh*t in the woods.
John DeLorean
Is a name you have probably completely forgotten by now, unless you work in the automobile industry (like penelope), or are a historian
Conned the British government into shelling out millions to build a car of stailess steel
But, thanks to Back to the Future, most people don't realise the car was real.
[CdM] 'e's dead. It was on the front page of BBC news today :o) (And I was a fan of Back to the Future)
Roddy McDowall
Whose name has a rather high ratio of consonant to vowel
Inspired nobody three days!!
To lust for his body.
Doctor Who
Started out alone but now has a very large crew
This includes Dr Zhivago and Dr Kildare
For whom one of the main attractions of travelling through time and space is that they don't lose their hair
Rose Tyler oblig.
Has necessitated Hackney Borough Council to introduce a new Bye-law
Viz:
No police boxes without planning permission, no matter who you are with.
Pope John Paul II
Remained serene as death beckoned
Though retirement was never an option
He at no time regretted his office's adoption
Jamie Oliver, chef extraordinaire
Has exposed the disgusting nature of children's school fare
From Greenwich to Goodge Street, Peckham to Pinner
And now, with more governmental money for school meals, our children will all be fitter and thinner.
The next Pope
Is unlikely to have ever smoked dope
Mind you...
Noone knows what long-term exposure to incense can do.
David Blaine [R,I,Z,S... nice.]
Is a teensy bit insane
David Copperfield, on the other hand
Is rather bland
Charles and Camilla
Do not, unlike Nigel Kennedy, support Aston Villa . . . for which much thanks.
But does anyone really give a toss?
It's their loss.
Camilla and Charles Round Two
Are quite unlikely to spend their honeymoon in Avignon, Carpentras, Nîmes or Arles
Whilst they have nothing specifically against those places
There's something enticing about his mothers large collection of palaces
Tony Blair
Labour's despair
May be brought down
By Gordon Brown. forced
Casanova
Was known to get his leg over
They say he also used protection
Despite the Pope's theological objection
Benjamin Disraeli
As PM was promoted to the Lords and spoke there daily
(As opposed to merely
twice yearly)
William Gladstone
Disdained the whole grubby business of canvassing, kissing babies and making extravagent promises to the electorate (as far as is known)
But became famous for his bag
and never losing his rag.
Nights
Loves good frights
But his essential commitments to his studies at The University Of Bath mean his sojourns here are no longer as regular as they used to be
But an ex-MCer is something I am sure he would refuse to be.
Napoleon and Josephine
Apparently, at night, together would ne'r be seen
He'd tell her "DON'T WASH"
And then this poem ended, the last line distinctly lacking panache.
The Dalai Lama
Couldn't be calmer
He ponders great things
And does not desire blings.
Ravi Shankar
Has rarely regretted defying his parents' wish for him to become a banker
HSBC's loss
Especially since Bank of America just hired Luther Vandross
Elton John Much belated praise for The Dalai Lama one before last. Excellent!
Is neither forgotten nor gone
Whereas Billy Joel
Is on the roll
Frodo Baggins
Went on a long and at times excruciatingly painful journey in payment for someone else's sins
Whereas Sam Gamgee
Might well have had a far less exhausting time of it if he'd simply suggested at Rivendell that those big Eagle fellas give his Master a lift straight to Mordor where he could've chucked the Ring in from the air, and been flown back home in time for tea.
Fay Weldon
Seldom
If ever
Said "Sir".
Boris Johnson
A haircut? He wants 'un.
Although, by and large, he'll tend to avoid Liverpudlian hairdressing salons
Those Judies have talons.
Robert Kilroy-Silk
Soured milk
whereas Tony Blair Don't all rush
Is yesterday's square.
Darth Vader
No friend of Ralph Nader
No father to Luke in any real sense other than biologically
And had a head remarkably resembling a bialy.
Sir Edmund Hillary
Climbed mountains all willy-nillary sorry...
And swore he would never rest
Until he was atop everest
Rosie *opens can of worms*
Interested, but never nosy
Sounds girly
But is, in reality, burly.
Gorgeous George Galloway
Was no Stanley Holloway
But his vitriolic performance in front of a US Congressional Committee
Gave rise to a really interesting Billy Bragg ditty.
Glenn Miller (pen) Ooh, I dunno. 5' 8", 11 stone 12. Empties can of worms into saucepan. Yummy!
A musical pillar
Played "Little Brown Jug" (the only thing I know about him)
And disappeared on his way to Paris in a fug. [Raak] bugger to rhyme, better than Pennsylvania 65000 though
Senator John Glenn
Went to the moon, but then came back again
But Captain Scott (Raak) "In the mood", "String of pearls", Tons of stuff. You're not old enough. :-)
Went to the South Pole and came back - not!
John Travolta
Went to Malta
But Olivia Newton-John
Took literally the old joke about Jamaica and so went to Kingston
Rumpole of the Bailey
A bottle of port daily
But Perry Mason
Only every other day, son.
René Descartes Careful . . .
Married geometry with classical algebra, two studies that had until then been thought irreconcilably apart oh, always.
Whereas Isaac Newton
Intrigued himself with laws of motion, the development of calculus, and was not involved in any way with the KGB, as was Putin.
Ethelred the Unready
Once he's got to the stage of getting Ready, then Steady
, went
And had sixteen children with Aelfgifu and the daughter of Thored, but never did make out with the Duchess of Kent.
Showy starman David Bowie
Disliked pizzas that were too doughy
The effect of these on his adrogynous persona
Was that his fans thought him bona
Anakin Skywalker
Expressed so much remorse at the death of Padme, but in such a totally rubbish way ("Noooooo!!!!" - I mean, what was that all about?) that he'll never be a top drawer after dinnertalker
His acting ability, rather than tears, evokes mucus
He might as well nuke us
James Watt
Noted Scot
Watched a kettle
Made of metal
Michael Palin
Acquired an exquisite collection of whale baleen
While Ann Boleyn
Found her head in the bin.
Jason, hero of ancient Greece [thanks for ending that one, Rosie]
Took his argonauts on a legendary journey to find a golden sheepskin that was in one piece
These lusty rowers (Juxt) It needed a mercy killing, unlike Ms Boleyn. :-)
Really messed up on their return and Jason's esteem lowers.
Jacques Chirac
Was denied a "d'ac!"
He may have to go (Raak) Nice!
Il n'est pas bien dans sa peau.
Silvio Berlusconi (Softers) Yet more classy stuff. :-)
Could win a 'Tony'
As Blair blags free holidays at posh Italian villas [Rosie] :-)
He keeps spouting hot air which would be sufficient to power a dwelling a bit like Windy Miller's.
Paris Hilton
Has a penchant for cheese, particularly Stilton
Also gorges on Cheddar
Which would possibly explain the fact that even when I see her with no clothes on I get a wilt on With no apologies
[Botherer] You should have rhymed with "Cheddar" and not "Stilton." It's Clerihews, not Glow Worms! Here's a replacment:-Which explains why I don't want to bed 'er
Bree van der Kamp
Is she a lady? Or a tramp?
Maybe both, according to the song
Thirty million Frenchmen can't be wrong.
Sydney Poitier
Doesn't wear anything designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier
Because he thinks [Darren] oops... too many games, not enough time...
Chic stinks.
Henry Ford
Sold Model Ts and got himself a multi-million dollar hoard
Whereas John Delorean
Wasted even morean.
Mahatma Gandhi
Shunned vodka and brandy, and to my knowledge never did date Jessica Tandy
Violence wasn't his thing
Neither was bling.
Michael Portillo (Botherer) :-)
Who, alegedly, many women would like to find on their pillow
Lost his seat
He was quite soundly beat
Bob Geldof
Thinks that the wife who left him for Michael Hutchence could have held off
That's why he swears
He only eats pears.
Home-style guru Martha Stewart, ex-con
Whose wealth outstrips the combined resources of The Queen, Delia Smith and Madonn...
Aims to top Bill Gates
As the person the world most hates.
Rudolf Diesel
Despite his fame for the combustion engine had all the endearing traits of a weasel
Whereas James Watt
Did not!
Isambard Kingdom Brunell
Designed the world's first steam-driven transatlantic carousel
Better known for his bridges
But unlike Jacob Perkins, not for fridges.
Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting
Has found his much vaunted and sickeningly overrated team somewhat wanting
On the other hand, Michael Vaugha
Thinks Ponting wishes he (Michael) was never born.
Mohammad Ashraful Did you watch it, DrQu+? Talk about warm the cockles of the heart.
Proved that Bangladesh, while still a little rough round the edges, can't be written off as dull Or so I understand from a 30-second perusal of the headlines....
While Inzamam-ul-Haq
Is wont to make a quick knock. I missed that one, and was quite floored by the headline. I did catch the England/Australia match from Bristol, which featured the awesome thwappings of...
Kevin Pietersen
Whose 25th birthday is in six days (June 27) is a good sportsman and quite a neat person
But he's no Andrew Flintoff
Neither will he have quite the political impact of Dom Mintoff. Thank God that one's over. :-(
Attila the Hun
Was a bundle of fun
His passion for terror
Left his men no margin for error
Charles de Gaulle
Was incredibly tall
"Après moi le déluge"
But it was Pompidou, his stooge.
Inspector Clouseau
Would practice judo
And Robinson Crusoe
Knew so.
Sir Christopher Wren
Has done it again
St. Paul's
Enthralls.
Theophilus Monk
Argued images are not junk (St. Theophilus, persecuted for defending the veneration of holy icons.)
But Leo the Isaurian
Rose to be an 8th century Byzantine Emperor through his prowess in the military, though it's uncertain whether he was ever a centurion
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