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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
The fragrant Camilla
Is as likely to become Queen of England as Gus the Gorilla (just reinforcing the point about scansion, rhythm and metre)
But Charles loves the wizened old hag
Which is understandable, since various parts of his body also sag.
MacArthur will soon be a dame
Which is not at all a shame
When you take into account
the mileage she managed to amount.
Henry Ford
Told his board
That the company would take a different tack
So he gave himself the sack.
Condoleeza Rice
Is she naughty or nice?
Given that her name sounds like a high-rise prostitute [2 z's, I think - Condoleezza]
It may be to the Americans' advantage that they found a substitute.
The millionaire businessman, Alan Sugar
Prefers football to rugger
Although his favourite football team
Appears to have run out of steam.
Jeremy Paxman (Darren) And coal, and water, and oil, and the driver doesn't "know the road".
Is known to his friends as "The Axeman"
Ever since
He chopped Michael Howard into mince. Did you threaten to overrule him?
Michel Pignolet de Montéclair
Often thought it was terribly unfair
He didn't have enough time to compose
But may still influence future Rameau's
The Master of the West Kent Hunt
Is more than happy to bear the brunt
Of Tony's wrath
And tell it not in Gath.
Saff African Retief Goosen *several accents declared*
Stephen Leaney's game will loosen I had to research this, you know! The only golfer I know is Jack Nicklaus..:)
But not his pants I'm plumbing the depths because I'm refusing to research anything.
Which are held up by ants I'm beyond caring about anything...
Ken Livingstone
Is on the phone
He's concerned that people think him sim'lar
To a sketch Gerald Scarfe had made of Picasso drawing a picture of Queen Victoria channeling the future spirit of Derek Acorah picking up a psychic message from Frankie Howerd concerning the reproductive equipment of Heinrich Himmler.
Snookerist Jimmy White
Held his cue too tight
And because of this
Played like piss.
Ernö Rubik
Made puzzles cubic
For a time they were de rigeur
Although why is hard to figure.
"Still-in-the-running" Lord Coe
Has an Olympic bid on the go
But we'll always remember him best
As a man who ran fast in a vest
[K,R,D,T] :-)
Risque comedian Chris Rock
Will, during the Oscars, mock
many, but Razzie-winner Halle Berry
Will escape with just a gentle poke from England and Chelsea defender, John Terry. allegedly
H. G. Wells
Was driven to the end of his tether by the sound of bells
Whereas Edgar Allan Poe
Gladly gave them a go.
Tim Brooke-Taylor
Is, in all but the following respect, completely unlike Norman Mailer:
Tim is on I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue,
In which he claims he was, like Mailer, a sergeant in the US Army during World War II.
Humphrey Lyttelton
Ever admired, not a belittled 'un Bastard rhyme, Tuj.
Is assisted by Sven and Samantha
Who, as anyone knows, are about as real as The Pink Panther.
Peter Sellers
An actor more liked by women than by fellers Speaking of bastard rhymes...
Goodness gracious!
His appetite for ladies was really quite voracious.
Rudolf Hess [Rosie] Oops, sorry! [D,I,R,S] Nice one, right out of the music hall!
Got into a mess
When he heard Spandau Ballet's famous hit record, "Gold",
He then knew why to stay in prison he was told.
Rudolf Hess, Commandant of Auschwitz
Was known to have a soft spot for us Brits
And eventually, when he was found by the Scots
who, despite his good intentions, concluded that the leopard cannot change its spots.
[Darren] No, no, no. You are confusing Rudolf Hess, the subject of the prior clerihew, with Rudolf Hess.
[CdM] I wondered if there were two Rudolf Hesses, and indeed asked at the pilg at the weekend about this, but the consensus was that there was only one. Now, assuming you're right and there were two, it's still the case that most people in my survey weren't aware of that fact and really you have to expect this kind of confusion.
[Darren] Well, if you are going to take the word of a bunch of drunk Crescenters over that of the Great And Mighty Google, you really only have yourself to blame. :-) But, oddly enough, yes there were two senior Nazis called Rudolf Hess (although the Auschwitz Hess is sometimes written as Hoss, or Hoess, or Hoss with an umlaut).
Er, can I start another one. Oh good.
Mark Twain
Travelled here to Europe, then went home again
The only thing that can be said about what he wrote
Is that he wrote prose and was not a pote.
Marco Polo
Went solo
Whereas Vasco de Gama
Was accompanied by a llama.
Guglielmo Marconi
Was considered by some to be a phoney
But by signalling across the Atltantic
He allowed The Times' American correspondents to become less frantic
What is it with this game and bastard rhymes?

Former Prime Minister Edward Heath (Irouleguy) It's a pedantic semantic antic.
Was proud of his teeth
In certain places better known as the Grocer
A ladies' man? Oh, no sir!
Maggie Thatcher
Can anyone match her?
What? The Iron Lady? Handbags at Dawn?
"Sink the Belgrano!" She gave Little Englanders the horn.
William Shatner
Took 'is missus by the scruff of the neck and threatened to flatten'er
Then sang "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"
And took care to over-emphasise the rhymonds [Raak] You're evidently in sadistic rhyming mood.
Charlotte Church
Should be given the birch
For beating up boyfriend's who have no discression or tact
Let her be whacked.
It's a foregone conclusion
That some of these poems instead of naming the subject straight off will only reference them by allusion
And, inevitably, while some will be formatted incorrectly,
others, though orthodox in form and hoping to excite the reader, will, through laborious witlessness, fail abjectly. Not getting at anyone, no, really.
Once paid a visit to Crewe
Sadly, he really wanted to be in Birmingham
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