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You know you're getting old when.......
help
As life moves on there are signs which tell us, without any chance of doubt, that we are getting older, going downhill, coming off the final bend or generally ready to turn off the lights, lock the door and depart gracefully. What is/are your particular tell-tale symptoms?
.... lolly-pop ladies start to look young.
Lolly-pop ladies are sometimes men, and are known as the more politically correct Highway Crossing Enablement Operatives.
You know exactly how much money you are going to make over the rest of your working life.
so far, I haven't scored :o)
...you leave letters out of your name.
...you forget to use <b> tags.
You realise that the chance that you are less than half-way through your life span has decreased from "certain" through "likely" and now lies somewhere between "staggeringly unlikely" and "requiring the use of the Probability Drive".
You stop at all junctions to look both ways several times....you can never br too careful young man
You use phrases like "you can never be too careful, young man".
You refuse to embolden things because that's not how it was done back in your day. The late such-such always neglected his bold, of course. We wouldn't have dreamt it, oh no.
...you realise that your "get-up-and-go" has got up and gone.
You check the obituary pages to make sure you aren't in them.
....it takes you all night to do things that you used to do all night.
Radio 2 plays all the music you used to listen to on Radio 1.
...having sex with someone half your age is a major coup instead of a crime.
... The urge to sleep becomes a daytime feeling while at night time there is no urge at all.
... You notice a tweed jacket in a shop window and seriously consider a purchase [Chalky] Apologies. But I dont notice the men on principal]
... and spot a fetching cap to wear with it.
You think thermal underwear is a good idea and wonder why more people don't wear it
You go shopping for 'a nice bit of fish for tea'
[Snodgrass] I was being rather too cynical rather than personal so no criticism was intended and no apology needed :-)
, having gone through a period of telling young people to behave to their faces, because you didn't care any more about being unpopular, you now avoid it because you think you'll get beaten up.
[Raak] The turning point is about 38 for men, 40 for women. I looked it up.
You don't care that you've never heard of the band your colleague went to see last night.
You rest on the chairs provided by ladies department of large stores....and not staring the lingerie.
You stop making plans for what you'll be doing in ten years' time
you go supermarket shopping before 9am. scaaary old people bothering me in the first half hour of my shift, beware.
Getting up in the night no longer means what it used to.
For you there is no such thing as Designer Stubble. I could go on, of course :-)
Dujon] I don't think that one counts. That's a very studenty thing.
[Tuj] It was deliberately ambiguous. You are obviously too young.    ;-)
A pregnant lady offers you her seat on the 'bus.
You've got friends like Dujon. Forgive me.
. . . but older [Rosie] No! Gotcha.
Ye cannot read the cussid newspaper without holding it at arms length.
You need one pair of glasses to look for the other pair. I've watched my parents both do this this morning. nice to be home.
When policemen's faces all look young to you, apparently (OK, Dujon, maybe I am. But he's not, surely?).
When you are continually delighted about how reliable modern cars are.
When you find yourself nodding in agreement with the hangers and floggers in the Any Questions? audience.
...when you run out of advice for your children and just accept you really don't know any more.
...you finally accept that not only are you not part of the younger generation, you're not even part of their parents' generation.
Your creeping long-sightedness starts to cancel out the shortsightedness you used to suffer from
You resign yourself to the fact that none of the things that have gone wrong with your body are ever going to be fixed.
You pay off a 25-year mortgage.
...you think school uniform and faith-based schools are probably a good idea
Those old clothes that you do the gardening in are trendy again.
Never mind hours in the day, there aren't enough hours left in your life to read all of Terry Pratchett.
You stay up until 1am to watch a documentary about The Magic Roundabout on BBC4.
...you feel the need to tell everyone that you stayed up till 1am. *toothless grin*
You listen to Radio 4 all day.
... you listen to talk radio and talk back my addiction to talksport still raging
You realise there are entire nations younger than you.
...you stop caring about how you'll be remembered
au contraire, Projoy. You start caring about how you'll be remembered.
No, no. Your teens and twenties are the time when you care about your legacy, because those are the years where it looks as if you might actually achieve something of note. :)
No, no... you're confusing teenage ego with the development of a truly noteworthy talent! Or maybe this is just me?
You develop delusions of grandeur.
What you view as nostalgia, your colleagues view as history.
...you never say "that's a novel idea" any more.
You view household plants as members of your family.
The woman across the table has crows feet in the corners of her eyes, a little-to-medium second chin and a couple of droopy bits - and you are still attracted to her.
"Sex" is just another word.
You suddenly realize that a cardigan really does have its advantages.
Your waistcoat starts to look more like a bra.
When your old belts now hold up tomato plants instead of your trousers.
The creak of your knees leads you to think that the floorboards are in need of attention.
You may not be able to remember your daughter's name but you can describe every boyfriend she ever had.
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