mc5 - So the Danish guy dies

Well, we've all seen those promising trailers that make the worst films seem like the next Oscar winner - how about writing a description that makes a classic sound absolutely dire? e.g. So there's this teenager and he hates his mother and his stepdad and there's loads of drugs and gore and they all die. Only better, hopefully. And without Mel Gibson.

Passion of the Christ

Jesus bleeds. A lot. In aramaic, hebrew, and latin, with subtitles.

dirty dancing

Young american children dance in a slightly provocative fashion. In the end, no-one really minds. And their parents start doing it.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Remember that popular children's book it took Stephen Fry all Christmas Day to read on Radio 4? Well, we can do it in a millionth of the time with a whopping 2, 000 pence special effects budget. And some child actors.

Caligula

The (frequently naked) guy from Clockwork Orange shags everyone, including his sister (many times), Helen Mirren, and a hairy man. Like a Black Widow spider he then kills most of them and a large amount of passers-by and bystanders, and uses the word 'logical' a lot. Will Caligula get his comeuppance? Oh, graphically - now that's what we call poetic justice!

Cat People (the remake)

The (frequently topless) guy from Clockwork Orange follows his tedious sister around, trying to persuade her to shag him so that she won't turn into a vicious cat-like beast and claw to death whoever else she's shagging, the little minx. It's a remake.