i am speaking out on garbage disposal units. i am for 'em.

Ah, I reckon my vicar would disagree with you and insist on mass recycling. Very environmentally conscious man. Our parson's green, you know.

I know how that feels, my vicar's always preaching the virtues of recycling as well. Anyone who doesn't put there green bin out get a lecture until he manages to turn 'em green.

My older son's getting quite good at maths. In measuring the area of a cirle, he's worked out that if you reduce the radius then there's less to square.

When I was young, our local bread shop used to produce special loaves for Haloween, it was a kind of baker's treat.

Our bread shop tried that one year. He baked laxatives into the bread, we got our own back though. You should have seen the baker loo after we'd done with it.

Some joker has rigged all the seats in my office with an unpleasant surprise for the owners. When someone sits in one they soon discover the arse-nail the swine left for them.

[Bif] That's quite a common trick, known colloquially as the pinner.

My local butcher has been advertising celebrity pork products, he is attempting to make some kind of clap ham? Comm'on, noboy will ever fall for it.

All the shops around here have there christmas stuff out. Before I moved I never saw a christmas tree up prior to December 12th. I wish I was still in my old street.

If Cindy can't, Barbie can.

Forgive me, that was far too bold. Hope I'm not too unpop'lar.

I've taken up breeding chickens. It's not working very well though; the cock fosters no feelings for any of the hens.

Bloody hell! Both my neighbours have let the maintenance on their vehicles go for too long, and now every morning I am awakened by the sound of badly adjusted rockers rattling like the Coyote's teeth after a dinner of Acme Earthquake Pills™. My street should be called the Cam Din Road if you ask me.

There's a big rock in the middle of my vegetable patch. I can't lift it and I hoe round it. I told my friend and he said "You can't hoe 'round? So, hoe square" Frankly I could've killed him for that.

The lower half of my leg has gone to sleep. Wake up, knee!

Kim] I find a good slap with a rolled-up copy of last month's What Ford? magazine generally cures any pins and needles.

I'm just a sucker for "easy listening" music, such as the Tijuana Brass with Herb Alpert on trumpet.