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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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She said "It'll set.... (Run-on)
In your creases, I'll bet!"
"so we'll just roll you out on the path!"
Using only Weetabix and mice
(And ignoring my father's advice)
My latest invention
got my mother's attention
By bringing her breakfast up (twice)
Since Darren can't access this site, - heh heh...
I can say whatever I want out of spite.
He'll return full of ire
With his friend of the 'spire'......Sorry, Chalky
And us with pestilence blight
hmmm ... apology accepted.
That Darren's a marvellous chap
When he purrs and curls up in your lap
But if you arouse his
Feline-fur trousis gimme a C!, gimme an O!, gimme an A!, gimme a T!
He'll join in with meaningless pap.
I love to peel a banana
And wrap the peel round a sultana
When boiled in wine,
And Seasoned with Thyme, Riff - use < b >tags< /b > to make your message bolder.
tastes great while grooving Santana
An indigent bookbinder's clerk
Rode a broomstick to get into work
. He saved money on petrol
But got his pants wet-rol
-ler skating in rain, what a berk. oh dear...
"Trick or treat" say the kids at my door (Darren, Big Dave) Real class!
so I sit tight and them I ignore
They pelt me with eggs
Shall I break their legs?
Then trick them to treats off the floor. .. heh heh
A good thing to say to a ghost
might be: "Hi - can you please pass the toast?"
A breakfasttime spectre
is a good dust collector
But reality comes with the post.
There is a huge flare on its way
Perhaps I could try that again?
There is a huge flare on its way
Well, the Sixties are back, so they say
it won't be so bright
If my trousers aren't right
Floral hipsters are just so passé!
I've just heard that Jon Snow's in the dock
for failing to adhere to the clock
like a well-dispatched fly
kept zipped, bye and bye
just listening to the tickity tock.
The problem with video games
Is they've got such ridiculous names
The Sims and the Lemmings
There's even Ian Flemming's
"Bond's Name Is No Longer James"
The trouble with very long bridges
Is they have lots of rust in long ridges
That's the problem with steel
Provided it's real
It attracts lots of magnetic midges
It'll soon be the Fifth of November
With fireworks and parkin, remember?
The Gunpowder Plot
Bonfires, hot
And annoying small brats, to dismember I'm not old and bitter, me..
The sixth of November will bring
The first signs of Global Warming
Unseas'nable weather
Cuckoos in't heather
And tides in the main street of Tring
just for Blob's benefit
The thing with the liner Aurora
Is it keeps getting smaller and smaller dodgy, but...
'Til it's just a mere speck.
but the people on deck
's arses are still getting sorer
In Paris, one might say it's chic
To be battre avec le 'ugly stick'
In the Rue de Montmartre
You can see Jean-Paul Sartre
Searching the ground for du fric
There was a young man from Nantucket
Who lived all his life in a bucket
To the end of his days
his oddly strange ways
were why passersby always struck it.
When invited to dine with the Queen,
Prince Phillip created a scene
He swore and he cussed
But Her Maj was non-plussed
by the way his nose glowed tangerine.
On a bath day, when losing the soap,
Is the best time for having a grope
For an innocent fumble
Is no cause to grumble
Just make sure the soap's on a rope!
Guy Fawkes was a wonderful chap
He's been given a terrible rap
He just wanted to say
'Being Catholic's okay'
'Boom boom, folks, now please mind the gap'
Tchaikovski found fortune and fame
By playing a tedious game
He used to subscribe [Projoy] Last line above - awesome!
To a Balinese tribe
Who never could quite spell his last name
In the middle of singing a tune
That Ruby Wax caused me to swoon
For her grasp of tonality
and vocal neutrality
Were nil. Ought to try the bassoon. On second thoughts...
*applauds* Whilst staying just south of Milan
I began to dance a "can-can"
- except that I can't
'cause my recent implant
Is still sore (But at last I'm a man!)
In the middle of making a toast
To my flatulent ill-mannered host - [st d] superb!
I felt a deep rumble
my bowel, it did grumble
And then my gas gave up the ghost.
Mr Howard is now Tory Leader
Another smug and fawning bleeder
It seems they can't win
It makes Kennedy grin
That damn little Scot ginger weed - er
I would like to point out at this time I have nothing against Scots, ginger people or indeed the Lib Dems.
It's goodbye to Iain Duncan-Smith
We will all shed a tear and a sniff (sorry)
who returns to the darkness forthwith.
BUGGER - SIMULPOST. How did that happen?
(Bifurcating then...)
He was Labour's best hope / He was banished by Howard
Now it's gone up in smoke/The backstabbing coward
And he's now been replaced by a twit-h
Many terrible deeds at the palace
none commited, however, by Alice
All we know is - a writ
We'll know more in a bit ...
But I bet it involves a royal phallus
Last night I dreamt I was walking
Surrey streets in a town known as Dorking
And when I awoke (Ken T) I see you've got here at last. :-)
I was really in Stoke
Being arrested for illegal stalking. [plump] Actually a servant's, according to what I hear... you didn't get it from me though...
If you want to develop your pecs
Take a hint from good old T-Rex
Just strum your guitar
and don't wear a bra
And engage dear Prince ********** in sex sorry if I lowered the tone at all...
How do you get a line in here?
Like this.
In the middle of sueing for slander
(for they spoke out with far too much candour)
We stopped for a dance [barbacoa] <hr> - I remember it as short for "horizontal rule"
Just on the off chance
A Cha-Cha with Chi-Chi the panda
There's an injunction on part of this verse
For the censored censored, it gets worse!
The Guardian's screaming
The lawyers are beaming
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