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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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it's hormones, you see The last time I was mislaid in the back of a van.........;-)
Causing trouble for me
and the poor sod who has no idea how to make this last line scan. (Thos) No, actually it was Ashton Underline. Sorry!
Bugger! Done it again.
Summer comes with the much warmer weather
And the crack of bare willow on leather.
By "leather," I mean
my pants, Josephine
When I'm fastened to you by a tether
Rosie/pen - oh-ho! It looked so innocuous until it got that far!
The trouble with wasting one's time
Over looking around for a rhyme
Is that some are so tricky
That you can't be too picky
and ridiculous displaces sublime. Alas!
I seem to be finishing an awful lot of these, maybe because I go to bed rather late and don't really do mornings. The joys of retirement! It's not one o'clock yet so maybe some night owl can start one.
My undies have turned pink and blue......It's been a bit like that, Rosie, I too have left a few for others of late. I suspect it's just 'one of those things'.
And I owe the whole thing to you
Colours don't mix with whites [Rosie] I'm going to be working nights come next month, so I anticipate doing some entire limericks myself...
And I'm working nights (sorry to hog two lines but frankly BM's line was too good to pass up)
But in darkness, you can't see the hue.
[Rosie: I seem to find myself doing a lot of first lines. Perhaps its all in the timing. Should we set up a kind of limerick tag-team?]
It's Monday again. What a pain!
Let's get naked and dance in the rain!
But there's work to be done!
And that man's got a gun!
Still, better than being David Blaine.
There's a rumour down St. Austell way
That the vicar's an awfully good lay
The rev's a woman, you see
So let's, after tea
Get down on our knees and then prey. yes, I can spell ...
As God said to me yesterday
'It's a shame that mans' feet are of clay,'
"But women's are wood"
"which isn't much good"leaving an opening for a grand finale....
When rolling around in the hay.... that was pantsy wasnt it?... onwards and downwards...
The voices I hear in my head
Say, "Kill them all, make them all dead!"
So keep out of my way
If you're planning to stay
Alive, and not copiously bled.
Beware! There's a beast on the loose
It's already beheaded a moose
It's got massive claws
And three sets of jaws
All SNARLY like big men called Bruce.
apologies to any non-snarling mild-mannered Bruces out there
I wish to object very strongly
For being treated so wrongly (I know, I know!)
You cad, oh, you fiend
I feel so demeaned
And you have made my face grow long-ly
And now I shall sue you for slander! [invoking more fiendish rhymes]
For you called me 'a cad and a bahnder'
But wives make good secs topicality invoked
And they come with free specs [doubling entendre]
And they all call their husbands, "Commander" That was a bizarre swerve, Projoy!
Darren - didn't you realise that IDS's given name is Longfaced Bruce?
Evidently not.
There's a lot of <HR> tags above!
Yeah. 'Fess up.
But still, it is you that I love!
ahem..
There's a lot of HR tags above!
But still, it is you that I love!
May I be so <bold>
Ahem...
May I be so <bold%gt;
You're simply too old (I thought I'd get a few in the bank back there.)
And you're ugly, when push comes to shove. [Darren] Well, I was recalling that IDS had threatened to sue anyone who impugned his character over the matter of his sec's life.
I'd risk all the world for your smile
As you smile in a very strange style
Your teeth are perfection
Despite the infection
which makes your gums shrink back a mile
Your feet are the colour of sin
So let's just pop them back in the bin
Your hands, I shall chop
To sell in my shop
With a pie with your entrails in
That last name made the homepage all wide and ugly. This is not the start of a limerick.
This is:
The homepage is ugly and wide
And all rotten and stinky inside
We have rab to thank
for the stink that it stank
- He caused it, though much he denied!
A magician, on doing a stunt,
That was *meant* to start a new limerick
Made sure that his knives were all blunt
His assistant insisted
That on throwing, they twisted
And kept well away from her front! (see how clean and restrained I managed to be)
It is said there's naught like a full moon
To encourage a lowly buffoon
to pull down his pants
And bathe in red ants
Till his buttocks are like a balloon.
I heard it once said in jest:
That Carlsberg is "prob'ly" the best
But Heineken reaches
the parts that one teaches
To stick their hands up ladies' vests.
When dancing at the P'liceman's Ball
I said, "No, dear sir, not at all!"
"I will not grab hold"
"Do you think me so bold"
"As 'pride' comes just 'fore a 'fall'"
A Chinese has been up into space
Wins the 'Great British Takeaway' race
Now the Yanks are all jealous
and that seems to tell us
Competition's the thing they can't face.
A Yank and a Chink in a bar
One in armour, and one on guitar
The Chink went clink
The Yank tried to think
But for a Yank, that just goes too far. Yup, I love our cousins across the pond. But they are Canadian ...
Gay bishops will guide us henceforth
(They're the one's who don't know south from the north)
They'll be quick to preach...
And then they will reach (dot dot dot)
Shirtlifters the way of the cloth Pronounced clorth by all Dick Emery style vicars, as you will recall.
err ... substitute the for with :o)
blimey - well done Software. I realised after I'd posted that first line - there are only two true rhymes.
Intelligent bio-design
is awfully fiendish to rhyme
But nevertheless
I'll try to impress
By invoking the presence divine.
[P, s, r, D & K] - satisfyingly concise and to the point!
If I end all parental controls
Will my offspring turn out to be trolls?
Or will they just lurk?
and never get work
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