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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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My undies have turned pink and blue......It's been a bit like that, Rosie, I too have left a few for others of late. I suspect it's just 'one of those things'.
And I owe the whole thing to you
Colours don't mix with whites [Rosie] I'm going to be working nights come next month, so I anticipate doing some entire limericks myself...
And I'm working nights (sorry to hog two lines but frankly BM's line was too good to pass up)
But in darkness, you can't see the hue.
[Rosie: I seem to find myself doing a lot of first lines. Perhaps its all in the timing. Should we set up a kind of limerick tag-team?]
It's Monday again. What a pain!
Let's get naked and dance in the rain!
But there's work to be done!
And that man's got a gun!
Still, better than being David Blaine.
There's a rumour down St. Austell way
That the vicar's an awfully good lay
The rev's a woman, you see
So let's, after tea
Get down on our knees and then prey. yes, I can spell ...
As God said to me yesterday
'It's a shame that mans' feet are of clay,'
"But women's are wood"
"which isn't much good"leaving an opening for a grand finale....
When rolling around in the hay.... that was pantsy wasnt it?... onwards and downwards...
The voices I hear in my head
Say, "Kill them all, make them all dead!"
So keep out of my way
If you're planning to stay
Alive, and not copiously bled.
Beware! There's a beast on the loose
It's already beheaded a moose
It's got massive claws
And three sets of jaws
All SNARLY like big men called Bruce.
apologies to any non-snarling mild-mannered Bruces out there
I wish to object very strongly
For being treated so wrongly (I know, I know!)
You cad, oh, you fiend
I feel so demeaned
And you have made my face grow long-ly
And now I shall sue you for slander! [invoking more fiendish rhymes]
For you called me 'a cad and a bahnder'
But wives make good secs topicality invoked
And they come with free specs [doubling entendre]
And they all call their husbands, "Commander" That was a bizarre swerve, Projoy!
Darren - didn't you realise that IDS's given name is Longfaced Bruce?
Evidently not.
There's a lot of <HR> tags above!
Yeah. 'Fess up.
But still, it is you that I love!
ahem..
There's a lot of HR tags above!
But still, it is you that I love!
May I be so <bold>
Ahem...
May I be so <bold%gt;
You're simply too old (I thought I'd get a few in the bank back there.)
And you're ugly, when push comes to shove. [Darren] Well, I was recalling that IDS had threatened to sue anyone who impugned his character over the matter of his sec's life.
I'd risk all the world for your smile
As you smile in a very strange style
Your teeth are perfection
Despite the infection
which makes your gums shrink back a mile
Your feet are the colour of sin
So let's just pop them back in the bin
Your hands, I shall chop
To sell in my shop
With a pie with your entrails in
That last name made the homepage all wide and ugly. This is not the start of a limerick.
This is:
The homepage is ugly and wide
And all rotten and stinky inside
We have rab to thank
for the stink that it stank
- He caused it, though much he denied!
A magician, on doing a stunt,
That was *meant* to start a new limerick
Made sure that his knives were all blunt
His assistant insisted
That on throwing, they twisted
And kept well away from her front! (see how clean and restrained I managed to be)
It is said there's naught like a full moon
To encourage a lowly buffoon
to pull down his pants
And bathe in red ants
Till his buttocks are like a balloon.
I heard it once said in jest:
That Carlsberg is "prob'ly" the best
But Heineken reaches
the parts that one teaches
To stick their hands up ladies' vests.
When dancing at the P'liceman's Ball
I said, "No, dear sir, not at all!"
"I will not grab hold"
"Do you think me so bold"
"As 'pride' comes just 'fore a 'fall'"
A Chinese has been up into space
Wins the 'Great British Takeaway' race
Now the Yanks are all jealous
and that seems to tell us
Competition's the thing they can't face.
A Yank and a Chink in a bar
One in armour, and one on guitar
The Chink went clink
The Yank tried to think
But for a Yank, that just goes too far. Yup, I love our cousins across the pond. But they are Canadian ...
Gay bishops will guide us henceforth
(They're the one's who don't know south from the north)
They'll be quick to preach...
And then they will reach (dot dot dot)
Shirtlifters the way of the cloth Pronounced clorth by all Dick Emery style vicars, as you will recall.
err ... substitute the for with :o)
blimey - well done Software. I realised after I'd posted that first line - there are only two true rhymes.
Intelligent bio-design
is awfully fiendish to rhyme
But nevertheless
I'll try to impress
By invoking the presence divine.
[P, s, r, D & K] - satisfyingly concise and to the point!
If I end all parental controls
Will my offspring turn out to be trolls?
Or will they just lurk?
and never get work
, indulgence being one of their goals.
If I could go backwards in time
All the things that I'd do
I'd teach you a new way to rhyme (Since Projoy has varied from the Limerick form, let's just see where this goes. I've started what seems to be an ABAB pattern.)
And I'd keep winning the Lottery, too I memorise the numbers every week on the offchance that I will fall into a wormhole and go back to last month...
[Darren] I was actually shooting for a reverse limerick there (i.e. mine was line 4) but no matter...
The perfect acausal-type crime (unfinished sentence alert)
All the bits seem to be there, so shall we move on?>< hr>
On Sundays, I just like to laze
On Saturdays, shirk... since the last reverse failed, let's try again
'Til Friday I work
The week passes by in a haze
On Mondays my head's in a daze ... that gets the job done
How about a word reversal one now ...
reverse to has just one sometimes
perverse so be often can rhymes
kilter off up end you
filter a need words do?
.....verse of form this 'gainst many are crimes
Again! Again!
then okay ...
low brought often is scansion the where...
show to eager who're experts are there ... Double enders, eh? Excellent.
are they clever how
far too goes it now
foe formidable a metre's rare
Time in backwards go could I if
,thyme and parsley and rosem'ry sniff,
past the of think I
vast was garden My
crime a are looks youthful Richards Cliff
There's hardly a day that goes by
When you see people screaming out, "Why?"
Are they stupid, or mad .... [Chalky] you missed 'sage' above - sorry, I rather like S&G.
When they talk of Baghdad?
No, they once met Uday and Qusay.
Whilst hunting around for some sage
I met a bacteriophage
He had a big microscope
Which used a rare isotope ... Obviously not a scanning device
In a sensor wired up to a gauge
[Tina] If you want to highlight your entries, there are some helpful tips in the 'Banter Game' - about 4 or 5 pages back :-)
Biology's all very well
For people with no sense of smell-Thanks Chalky
But ammonia gas
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