arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
The Obligatory Limericks Game
help
When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
arrow_circle_up
one must crawl on one's hands and one's knees
And look for a clue
About what to do
Re. the mating behaviour of fleas
In Ottawa, during the blackout, (Just got back)
I got my adventuring pack out [UK] Love the last line of the budgie one.
My Leatherman tool
My good old slide rule
And a Packet of three (just about) My good old slide rule
It was just as the night turned to dawn
When I decided to blow on my horn
I woke up the neighbours
By tossing them cabers
I sell it as DIY porn
A spider just ran up my leg just to creep certain people out..:)
And left, in my knickers, an egg (there are certain recurring themes here...)
For warm incubating . . . assuming the knickers are warm
And the chance of creating
Thousands of spiders - oh smeg!
A wasp laid its eggs in my foot
Then stung me, the ungrateful brute What is this? David Cronenberg Limerick hour? yeuugh...
[blamelewis] I'll spare you "There are maggots infesting my brain" then.
Its progeny hatched - Does Software not know about the magic of the >b< tag?
>b< even.
I give up.
and were swiftly despatched . . . having problems Darren? hehehe.
By a blow to the head from my boot - How about the magic <b> tag, Darren? - I find it works better :)
With killer bugs eating my face,
I sprayed myself well with some Mace
Then to cut out the pain
I cut out my brain
And replaced it with Chantilly lace . . . like you do :-)
Thus spake Zarathrustra (to me):
"It's lovely to be a Parsee"
For when you are dead
You get breakfast in bed
and in mid-afternoon, you get tea.
"Ecce homo!" he cried to the crowd
"How dare you?" I replied aloud
He said, "Ooh get her!"
Then his fists were a blur
Thus to prove his manhood and stand proud.
With a deafening cry of "Eureka!"
Duncan Smith took a swing at the Speaker.
He took up the Mace
Wiped the egg off his face
And became the Commons' first streaker.
I've run up a slate at the bar
As a Silk this is just about par.
Then I ran down a bike,
Ran into a dyke,
Which won't take my career very far slack... but a mercy killing.
The rich make their to Cancun
Gah! YES! let's try again..
The rich make their way to Cancun
The poor remain stuck in Rangoon
And that's where they'll stay
'Til they make their way
to their graves, with their rice bowl and spoon.
There's nothing like bright merry laughter
For post-coital gloom the day after
So tickle me pink
With a blinky wink wink
On the other hand - just go and shaft 'er. - COAT!!!
Oh, dear! I appear to be dead.
I wish I was living instead.
I should not have jumped
Can I claim I was bumped?
Or I sleepwalked off of Beachy Head?
Your Honour, the verdict is clear.
And I tell you, without any fear
The defendant's a duck
At him throw the book
- he's guilty of rhymes worse than Lear. phew!
The trouble with Britain today
Is the Gummint won't do things my way
If I were dictator
I'd sort out this state, or
sulk, pout and call you all "Gay"!
The head of Alfredo Garcia
Is, sadly, now missing an ear
It got pulled right off
By a dodgy old toff
Who'd had far to many crates of Beer
Announcing my can-di-da-cy,
I'd like to become an MP
I've reached the right weight
Appeared on 'Blind Date'
And now, Captain Peacock, I'm free-eee
Alighting the train in Pristina
I met a cute girl called Christina
She was going my way
(and we did have all day)
But all she would drink was Ribena
The best way to piss off a rhino
Is to tweak him and call him a wino
Then pull down your pants
Do the St Vitus dance
Mind the horn, though 'cos it can be final! (employing "Cockney Cheeky Chappy" convention)
While out in the bush, hunting dik-dik,
I ran from a snake, very quik-quik
However, the beetle
Though not eating meat'll
Still make a bloke feel quite sick-sick.
Let's all go and moon David Blaineyarr..
Yes! We could meet up on the train! Arrr!!
We'll stand in a line Avast! what a sight we be! Yarrr!
And drink buckets of Wine
And drop all our pants in the rain
[Sorry to hog two lines, but I have to know...]
Will somebody kindly explain
The point of this tit, David Blaine
Is it just show biz
Does anyone know? Is
It worth bringing him up again?
If you swallowed him bring him up quick!
He'll be right if you make yourself sick!
Your face went quite red
At the mention of Fred
Have you eaten him too, you great prick? - I'll be needing that coat after all.
Well, now that I've broken my wrist - and will be in agonising pain for the next 4-6 weeks thanks to some idjit learner driver...
You'll be spared the caress of my fist[MF] Commiserations. Sue!
And the way that I pass
my hand over your ass sorrysorrysorry - I don't know what's come over my this morning ...
To fondle your sebaceous cyst - yughk ! [pen] Don't call Martha, Sue, he doesn't like it.
I hate that I've become a mute I've still got no voice!
But still I am sexy and cute
The sight of my curves
And my shimmying swerves
Is sweeter than the sound of a lute.
[D, UK, R & Bm] dead right too :o)
Discovered "in flagrant delight",
I am on display every night
Flagrante delicto
With my fragrant big toe
Who says such a thing can't be right?
I've recorded my thoughts onto tape
on the music from "The Great Escape"
This suicide note
I leave in your coat
as you seem to have mislaid your cape
Come workers, and throw off your chains!
Let's go, and destroy all the trains!
Our bold insurrection
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord