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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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"Any chance of a fork?"
I asked of a dork
Then I tucked into him straight-away!
When exposing a snake in the grass
Be careful you act with some class
Otherwise, keep it schtum
By inserting your thumb
And heading it off at the pass
It's painful to make the admission
That your power is from nuclear fission
But it's safer than coal
But on the whole
just leave it to your electrician
Garden sparrows, wrens, finches and tits
Can all be assembled from kits
Using small bits of wire
And an old rubber tyre
And a car engine, taken to bits.
The beauty of avian construction
Is the match of its form to its function
You must get this right
For the things to take flight
Lest they plummet on down to destruction.
The terrible thing about crows
Is that I've got three stuck up my nose
They peck at my eyes
Unbutton my flies
and crap all over my toes
My budgie looks terribly strange
I think it's got some sort of mange
It's purple and green
It's lost all its sheen
And it's singing "Oh, Home on the Range"
To make sense of the birds and the bees
one must crawl on one's hands and one's knees
And look for a clue
About what to do
Re. the mating behaviour of fleas
In Ottawa, during the blackout, (Just got back)
I got my adventuring pack out [UK] Love the last line of the budgie one.
My Leatherman tool
My good old slide rule
And a Packet of three (just about) My good old slide rule
It was just as the night turned to dawn
When I decided to blow on my horn
I woke up the neighbours
By tossing them cabers
I sell it as DIY porn
A spider just ran up my leg just to creep certain people out..:)
And left, in my knickers, an egg (there are certain recurring themes here...)
For warm incubating . . . assuming the knickers are warm
And the chance of creating
Thousands of spiders - oh smeg!
A wasp laid its eggs in my foot
Then stung me, the ungrateful brute What is this? David Cronenberg Limerick hour? yeuugh...
[blamelewis] I'll spare you "There are maggots infesting my brain" then.
Its progeny hatched - Does Software not know about the magic of the >b< tag?
>b< even.
I give up.
and were swiftly despatched . . . having problems Darren? hehehe.
By a blow to the head from my boot - How about the magic <b> tag, Darren? - I find it works better :)
With killer bugs eating my face,
I sprayed myself well with some Mace
Then to cut out the pain
I cut out my brain
And replaced it with Chantilly lace . . . like you do :-)
Thus spake Zarathrustra (to me):
"It's lovely to be a Parsee"
For when you are dead
You get breakfast in bed
and in mid-afternoon, you get tea.
"Ecce homo!" he cried to the crowd
"How dare you?" I replied aloud
He said, "Ooh get her!"
Then his fists were a blur
Thus to prove his manhood and stand proud.
With a deafening cry of "Eureka!"
Duncan Smith took a swing at the Speaker.
He took up the Mace
Wiped the egg off his face
And became the Commons' first streaker.
I've run up a slate at the bar
As a Silk this is just about par.
Then I ran down a bike,
Ran into a dyke,
Which won't take my career very far slack... but a mercy killing.
The rich make their to Cancun
Gah! YES! let's try again..
The rich make their way to Cancun
The poor remain stuck in Rangoon
And that's where they'll stay
'Til they make their way
to their graves, with their rice bowl and spoon.
There's nothing like bright merry laughter
For post-coital gloom the day after
So tickle me pink
With a blinky wink wink
On the other hand - just go and shaft 'er. - COAT!!!
Oh, dear! I appear to be dead.
I wish I was living instead.
I should not have jumped
Can I claim I was bumped?
Or I sleepwalked off of Beachy Head?
Your Honour, the verdict is clear.
And I tell you, without any fear
The defendant's a duck
At him throw the book
- he's guilty of rhymes worse than Lear. phew!
The trouble with Britain today
Is the Gummint won't do things my way
If I were dictator
I'd sort out this state, or
sulk, pout and call you all "Gay"!
The head of Alfredo Garcia
Is, sadly, now missing an ear
It got pulled right off
By a dodgy old toff
Who'd had far to many crates of Beer
Announcing my can-di-da-cy,
I'd like to become an MP
I've reached the right weight
Appeared on 'Blind Date'
And now, Captain Peacock, I'm free-eee
Alighting the train in Pristina
I met a cute girl called Christina
She was going my way
(and we did have all day)
But all she would drink was Ribena
The best way to piss off a rhino
Is to tweak him and call him a wino
Then pull down your pants
Do the St Vitus dance
Mind the horn, though 'cos it can be final! (employing "Cockney Cheeky Chappy" convention)
While out in the bush, hunting dik-dik,
I ran from a snake, very quik-quik
However, the beetle
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