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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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His tune for Elise
Can be played with some ease (Chalky) That doesn't rhyme! I dunno, woman of your calibre.
With your heart, with your hands, with your feet
[Kim] Have you heard Chalky speak? She's dreadfully posh, she'd get away with it.
This booklet is missing some pages
My interest it no more engages (pen) Did you mean that for me? :-)
'Cos the bits taken out
Were the ones all about [Rosie] "Beet" "delete", it's quite fine :P
The cut in our Directors' wages *blithely ignores Rosie's irony bypass*:-)
It's such a big shame that the boss
Aims never for profit, but loss
He's as stupid as sh*t
Which his arse doth em*t (Chalky) Not at all, m'dear. I wouldn't have put it up if I fought you was like higgonorant (Yes I would)
But the workers don't give a toss
If I'd known it would cause so much strife (Re: the one before last)
I would never have married my wife
Cause here rhyming is bad,
And her scansion is sad (assuming here=her)
In fact I don't know what she's on about half the time.
Salaciously creeping around
With my belly quite close to the ground
I bite on her heel
And erotic'ly kneel
Then howl like a love-seeking hound
Caressing my neck-hairs she said:
"I really wish you were dead"
"So I could shag your corpse" [rhyming challenge]
From here to Cleethorpes
(imagine inverted commas suitably arranged)
But I'll settle for Grimsby instead"
I'm counting the ways that I love
Each finger's own place in a glove
Though it's with mittens I'm smitten
Thus I've written the worst love poems in Britain when in Rome...
With my middle finger raised high above ... don't do as the other nuts do!
There once will be peace in this valley,
And soon we were counting the tally
Of those now departed time space continuum r us
As off they are carted Lucky them . . . .
to Bristol, to rot in an alley or dropped from an overhang onto a passing garbage scow
The prodigal son doth return
With a listhp and bad cathe of thun burn I don't know any more than anybody else, okay!
The fatted calf lows
Snicker-snack! So it goes
For his sound effects CD we yearn
A cat in a hat once said,
"Please get this daft thing off my head open quote alert
Or I'll crap on your chair
Cough up balls of my hair
And put mice and dead birds in your bed"
A School Bus Driver once said
"This bus driving won't keep me fed"
So he nicks all the sweeties
Contracts diabeeties
And from hypoglycaemia's'dead a grim tale for anyone thinking about stealing confectionery
I like stealing candy from kids
Except little Suzy McLids
'Cause her's is all covered
with drool, where she's hovered
And will transmit diseases like SIDS
I act as the spoke in the wheel
with lots of bananas to peel,
I'm a fruit addict, see?
No scurvy knave, me
As I prepare my vitamin meal
There once was a Lady so lewd,
That even the Essex Men booed
For when she disrobed
With her fingers she probed - I can feel a coat requirement coming on.
And outdid the goatse.cx man for good. Yes, it's a URL. No, you don't want to see it. NSA (Not Safe Anywhere).
At the times when I haven't a clue
I tend to join hands with a gnu [I'm clearly certifiable]
We smear the vast veldt
With wildebeest smelt
Then go for some females to screw (Bestial behavior amongst all those animals...)
I'm sure to enjoy Lanzarote
I've heard it's not rainy or grotty
But instead, clean and sunny
Good value for money,
Two bottles of wine for a zloty
For free you'll get crabs at the loo [sim]potty
You can boil them in lye to make glue
And should you be "loose"
Feel free to make use
Of the paper. Use one square, not two.
Each night we'll swim (nude) in the pool
Please join us ...I guarantee you'll
have fun and get wet,
Which is not all you'll get
When we swim, (nude) in the pool.
And should we decide to get dressed
The bishop will have us all blessed
Our midnight baptism
May well cause a schism
If Janet exposes her breast
Janet was always an odd sort
Aroused by the chance she'd get caught
Though her legs she keeps crossed,
She frets at the cost
Of all the rude clothing she bought
Yet Janet J's infamous bro
Don’t like when the nose he must blow
But he'll blow something else
OK, try again, But he'll blow other things
While undressing his strings
Like a flute, a trumpet, or a oboe
While scoffing a lemon curd tart
I felt a slight pain in my heart
T'was indigestion
Which did beg the question
“What did cause that loud smelly fart?”
Explain, then, how drums came to be
They sound much too noisy to me
And as for the cymbals
They're cacophonic symbols
Of storm, strife, and turbulent sea.
I wish that my friends were not feckless
And had guarded my new diamond necklace :-(
But instead they got high
On hash cakes (with rye)
And peckish, they ate it for breakfast (the jewelry, that is)
A dour dowager from Pisa
Who, frankly, was no Mona Lisa . . . . this do-WADG-er
Tried to drag me to bed
Said she needed my head ....and I'm not very bright either...
So I chopped it right off, just to please 'er
If you find yourself headless, take heed:
Do not ride on a galloping steed
With no head, you can't see
And you may hit a tree
('Though a headache pill you will not need)
My overindulgence in eggs Ain't no-one got rhythm? The penultimate one was a right clunker.
Has my tum encroaching my legs
I can't see my toes
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