Who'll ensure that with piss-holes it's riven.
This year I have only one plea [jim] sure. the dog is a german shepherd.
Please give all your presents to me
And when you've done that [Rosie] well played - you'd be amazed at the amount of time I spent conjuring up 'acts' on a snowman to guarantee a last line ending 'riven' or striven' - I obviously have nothing better to do this time of year :-)
You can don this daft hat (Chalky) Cheers. The busiest thing I am doing at this time of the year is firing off apologetic letters to all those who sent a Christmas card to my late Mum. Oh, the sins of omission.
While I *hum* a refrain at your knee. [slipping out the back door]
"Here's to you, Mrs R!" Ben declared.
To which Mrs R said: "Don't be scared" [Rosie] see Banter
And slipped off her coat
Her charms to promote (Chalky) Seen it. :-)
'Twas more than her soul that she bared.
'Tis the season for to be jolly
via HYPnotic trance of svengali
whose staring mince pies
, boring deep in my thighs,
have detected both ivy and holly.
When cold in the morning, it's best
To pack up one's back and head west
s/back/bag
Get right out of town
And dress up as a clown
But do not join the legion, Beau Geste.
A jelly what sits on a plate
Is the latest thing in the TATE
Its wobbly appeal
As an artistic meal
Was reduced when it passed sell-by date
This shed (first a shed, then a boat)
Needs treating with fresh creosote
This strange piece of art
is falling apart
And the artist has just got his coat...
The champion liverwurst maker
Has retired as town undertaker
The deli's now broke
And he's moved down to Stoke
For a life as a pottery maker
Whilst opening a tin of sardines
I squirted some sauce on my jeans
Then opened the tin
What the sardines were in
Then ate them with toast and beans Sounds pretty average for the lone eater just in from a long day :-(
'Twas the night before Christmas and all
Panto Dames had gone to the ball
Not one ugly sister
to ruin the vista
Cinders was left, with mice et al.
It's over, you've eaten. Go home!
Do not roam over land, sea or foam
And don't you dare linger
Or phantom flan flinger
Will splatter your cranial dome - is it me, or have limerick standards slipped lately, particularly at MCiOS ?
The winter sun shines on my screen (Phil) It's not you. Rhythm and humour in short supply - even rhyme sometimes.
Why, oh why, is this golden beam
So bright, yet so cold
And so young yet so old | [Phil] I agree. It was never brilliant (check the archives for evidence), but the art of scansion in particular seems to be crumbling lately.
(Compare some our current efforts with the Platonic limerick)
Only indoors this scene should be seen.
There once was a lim'rick so poor
Out of twenty, I'd give it a four
That lousy attempt
Was crude and unkempt
Now we're back to high standards once more.
Today it's so cold that I shiver (Projoy) There's posh. How do you do that? Point well made but the melody's crap. :-)
Drink hot rum, tho' it'll fu*k up your liver
A bobbly hat
A romp in my flat
Who can say there's no fun en hiver?
Inside of a hive you'll find bees
They can spell, and all have great knees
And what's even better,
They fill out a sweater,
So long as there's no absentees
This caffeine will give me a lift
The lead in my head it will shift
but as for my liver...
It will cry a river
What will spill when my flood gates are rift
So welcome to 2006
I shall learn every day some new tricks
Involving some rope
And our new model Pope
and a very large box of matchsticks Cor strike-a-light guv'nor! and other such 'Van Dyke cockernee'
Resolutions are most often broken
In ways which are better not spoken
Are those such as these:
Oops, I didn't notice the "are" in the first line, or I imagined a "which", so mine makes no grammatical sense. Try this instead:
One's New Year intention
One's New Year intention
Of modest dimension
Is less use than a £1 book token
This stance is under inspection
It seems to need no correction
But since golf requires
Lots of land in the shires
It attracts some rural attention
I'm off out to hunt for wild boar
I've got bullets enough to shoot four
Provided I aim
To kill, not to maim
Protestations I'll choose to ignore
I'd say to be fluent in Latin
You'd choose the right chair to be sat in
Whilst gargling with petrol
I'm ready to bet you'll
Achieve a result by le matin.
Well, that was really average.
A sailor from far-off Malay
Well, that was really average.
A sailor from far-off Malay
Denied that his boyfriend was gay
He did, though, admit
That he managed to fit
The figurehead in his back way
Now THAT was well above average:-)
My father would often insist
He could fit, in his mouth, a whole fist
but we said, "We don't care."
So he showed us with flair
He put hand to mouth, and he missed
There was a young lady called Karen
Who knew a young lady called Sharon
The one was delightful
The other, most frightful
But both will be punted by Charon
This scotch in my slippers is yummy
This scotch in my slippers is yummy
The taste is OK, but it smells hummy
The aroma's not peaty
But rather quite meaty
And smells like my feety, says Mummy
Have you ever been in a canoe?
And if so, do you know what to do...
In an eskimo roll
You must waggle your pole
And watch out for where the bears poo
In my hat is some dry Plymouth gin - continuing Projoy's theme
That enters my head through my skin.
To drink through osmosis
Halts liver cirrhosis
Allowing unlimited sin.
Bravo! Wit, scansion, clever rhymes! That one had the lot!
It's time to play Beethoven loud!
It's time to play Beethoven loud!
Come one and come all, join the crowd!
The Ninth in D Minor