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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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If only they knew
They're just specks of poo
And the promise of fame is all lies.
My handbag's possessed by a demon
Actually, forget that. Not very rhymable.
Copernicus brought down the Earth
To a much more acceptable girth
He then set about
To prove without doubt
what heliocentricity's worth. (Projoy) Your HAND-BAAAG??
Father Christmas has multiple forms
But one nature, to which they all conform
And on Christmas Eve
(so they'd have us believe)
A fat 'Ho-ho-Ho' is the norm
The Geese are getting quite fat Do you want stuffing?
I don't really care for all that Get Stuffed! yourself...
Succulent marinaise I'll have potatoes wit that if you don' mind!
On these festive days
Is best served alongside your cat
I looked in the mirror; it cracked
You'd think it'd've shown more tact
But an ugly boat-race
Has rowed over my face
In a mutual suicide pact
With Thomas and Richard and Harry
Lay Dierdrie and Senga and Carrie
They'd all lost a bet
as to whether they'd get
Themselves out of a duty to marry
The motion of trees in the night
Without wind, is a worrying sight
The dryads will walk
The Triffids will talk
Our lives the spirits will blight
Play chess on the roof of your shack
Your imagin'ry friend can play black
So if he says 'mate'
You can nail in a slate
And if he says 'check,' shoot his back
I sense an impending disaster
And so I have brought a small plaster
I've some ointment as well
For use when all hell
Breaketh loose and becometh the master
Courgettes - which are Jewish, of course -
Must not be combined with stewed horse
So take your zucchini
Marinate in Martini
Then stew with some beetroots for borsch
I like a good seasonal stew
There's a very fine place down at Kew
Where they stew a live dog
In eau de la bog
(Please take over my place in the queue!)Yuk!! .....seasonal?
A snowman is best if he's given
The eyes and nose of David Niven
Sean Connery's hat
And Dr. No's cat
Who'll ensure that with piss-holes it's riven.
This year I have only one plea [jim] sure. the dog is a german shepherd.
Please give all your presents to me
And when you've done that [Rosie] well played - you'd be amazed at the amount of time I spent conjuring up 'acts' on a snowman to guarantee a last line ending 'riven' or striven' - I obviously have nothing better to do this time of year :-)
You can don this daft hat (Chalky) Cheers. The busiest thing I am doing at this time of the year is firing off apologetic letters to all those who sent a Christmas card to my late Mum. Oh, the sins of omission.
While I *hum* a refrain at your knee. [slipping out the back door]
"Here's to you, Mrs R!" Ben declared.
To which Mrs R said: "Don't be scared" [Rosie] see Banter
And slipped off her coat
Her charms to promote (Chalky) Seen it. :-)
'Twas more than her soul that she bared.
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