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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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For a trouble when shared
Like a soul that is bared
Is soft like a sofa from Courts
nice :-)
Just say what you think. Don't hold back
Even if what you say gets a smack
Yet, an eye for an eye
Isn't something I'd try
When the faux pas occurs in the sack
The premise on which this is based
Yields a sport, keenly fought and fast-paced
Yes! it's Twister-by-email
Designed for the female
All dressed up in basques, tightly laced.
"Are all muppets Jews?" she enquired
"Or are they by Allah inspired?"
"Are controlling hands Druid?"
"With their movement so fluid" Oblig., more or less
"Or just puppets sewn and wired?"
The cause of my facial contusion
Is a thin air and plate glass confusion
The one is ethereal
The other's material
And my face, their media for fusion.
A good dump of snow in the morning
Is a reason to stay in bed yawning
'Cos all the damn schools
Will be closed; safety rules The little buggers might get COLD!
Must all be obeyed. That's a warning.
This comedy mask doesn't fit
In places it pinches a bit
And it's not really funny
To look like a bunny
Who's crouching and ready to... spit
Open season on pantomime dames
John Inman's been shot down in flames
Dale Winton's in panic
Frank Bruno's just ... manic
But don't mess with Botham; he maims. . . . rather unfair to him, actually, but this has been hanging around for a few days now.
This feels just the winter for cricket
I think I'll be keeping the wicket
But bowling on ice
Is not very nice
To penguins; take your ball and stick'et.
There once was a svelte young brunette
Who was smuggled aboard a corvette
The boot was too small - what's a corvette?
Though she curled in a ball - [Chalky] Er, it's a small ship, so unlikely to have a boot really, but we'll pretend we're talking about a Corvette Stingray shall we ? ;-)
A position she called cul-à-tête
My new sailing ship has a boot :-D
I'm a Corsair so I'll fill it with loot while on the boat/car bifircation...
An act of no Merit That's my rough little Corsa.
Like slipping a ferret
Down a gentleman's whistle-and-flute
When a bear does his job in the wood
(Proverbially, just as it should)
The mice in the grass
Start nibbling his arse
With hindsight they'd've run if they could. [a bit dull sorry - anything to get things moving again ...]
The cause of this sorry affair
So foul that I do not dare
To mention the fact
I have nada for tact
So I'll tell the whole world, I don't care
I've managed, without interference,
Ahem
I've managed, without interference,
To alter my husband's appearance
He's now eight feet tall
But has only one ball sorrysorrysorry
And that needs a sixteen-inch clearance - oooh - what a monster I've created
For those with testicular gigantism . . . there ought to be a few rhymes, and if not, well, bollocks.
(Barring the mono or double schism) Mmmm, yes, that could work, subject to the scansion police
It's wise, I suspect, throwing caution to the wind...
To join the new sect
Baptised by immersion in... (No, I can't bring myself to type it.)
It takes just a moment to find [Raak] admirable restraint, sir,
That an orange tastes better "sans rind";
But if you chew the pips
Take this wisest of tips Pompous, moi?
- just don't take the pith: 'tis unkind.
A river of buttons doth flow
To a land where the cuffs dare not go - I smell realism here...
Lest they cover my watch (Projoy) You're mad. :-)
(An extravagant Swatch™)
Where they've all come from, I don't know
There was a young chap from Slovakia
Whose verse, beside ours, was much tackia
His scansion was iffy
His rhyme scheme was whiffy
Alas, uncorrected aphakia!
A seagull is fond of a beer
Until it succumbs to the fear
That one day its liver (Jux) Just going to look that up.
Will be cut as a sliver
Of coal, when the long winter gets here.
The nights are approaching their longest
The werewolves are reaching their strongest
The ghosts and the ghoulies
And Syd Rumpo's moulies
Play host to God, who is the wrong guest. - a bit clunking, sorry. That was a difficult one.
My celibate friend - here's a tip:
Use a lock to secure your fly zip
This sec-urity
I'm sure you'll agree
Will keep you safe when you let rip
If a zip-lock should fail to prevail (continuing the excellent advice...)
We'll all find out if you're male
But if you're a lass
You should go to mass
And cover your sins with a veil
For celibacy, give three cheers!
I'll not bonk for the rest of my years
That's the end of my knockin'
The bed will stop rockin'
As the eve of my life swiftly nears
While waiting for lights to turn green
I've acquired a malaise in my spleen
At red-amber I felt
My testicles melt
So please do not ask if I've "been"
I've "been" and I'm now "feeling lighter" This is disgraceful stuff. Terrible.
Yet my pants strangely seem a bit tighter
And strangely much wetter [Chalky] How do you know about testicles?
As my bits they do fetter
Could my underpants be any shite-er? No-one else could have done it with so much sweetness and panache. But I'm sorry anyway, and I'll get my coat.
When recently showered and fragrant [Darren] eeh lad ... I've melted a few in my time :-) [pen] stick around - we need you for this one ...
I jumped on an elderly vagrant
We made passionate love
While the pigeons above
Doled out the lubricating a-gent. almost rhymes...anyway it made me smirkle
Ahhh, we raise our game and lower our tone - can't be coincidence!
Stand back! I'm about to erupt!
In a manner both loud and abrupt!
There's nowt you can do
I'll explode right on cue
Unless you bribe me (I'm corrupt)
In New Jersey, New York and New Delhi
You see all the same things on the telly
For Sesame Street
Or the Kumar's we meet
But not the beach webcam, Pwllheli.
And those 'Stars' with that tw*t Matthew Kelly. sorrysorrysorry - no, not really.
Well, dash it - simulled.
They think they have 'Stars in their Eyes'
Which flew down from the vault of the skies
If only they knew
They're just specks of poo
And the promise of fame is all lies.
My handbag's possessed by a demon
Actually, forget that. Not very rhymable.
Copernicus brought down the Earth
To a much more acceptable girth
He then set about
To prove without doubt
what heliocentricity's worth. (Projoy) Your HAND-BAAAG??
Father Christmas has multiple forms
But one nature, to which they all conform
And on Christmas Eve
(so they'd have us believe)
A fat 'Ho-ho-Ho' is the norm
The Geese are getting quite fat Do you want stuffing?
I don't really care for all that Get Stuffed! yourself...
Succulent marinaise I'll have potatoes wit that if you don' mind!
On these festive days
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