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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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She's had to stop knitting Hope that isn't libellous.
whilst from laughing she tried to refrain
The Welsh have the gift of the gab (Softers, Kim) Can't read your comments; something odd about the font because Chalky's and pen's comments in the previous limerick are quite clear despite being small. Is there a fix for this?
And their accent is quite far from drab [Rosie] Have you tried increasing the text size in the browser?
But their fondness for L's
And wet, sheepy smells
Means most now go into rehab.
The software I have in my bum
(er, not a reference to you, Softers)
Tells me when I should empty my tum
It frequently starts
With preliminary farts [Pro] No offence taken :-)
And some 'agricultural' hum oblig.
Blue cakes dead ahead! 12 o' clock!
They'll make me pop out of my frock
But if they're not eaten
They'll need some re-heatin'
By stuffin' 'em into your sock
The weekend approaches, get ready!
Its coming is rousing and heady
There's no time to lose!
There's no time to snooze!
Start drinking now, and go steady. Rather difficult rhyme, surprisingly. Much easier in Welsh; dozens of words. Probably in Italian too.
I've Veni-ed, I've Vici-ed, I've Vidi-ed
Precisely the things that were needed
To beat up the Gauls
And steal all their smalls
For my loins were ungirt; they were needed
Shit! I've just used the same word as line 2. Better do another one. Here goes:

And make sure their gardens are weeded.

'tis the hour of my discontent
And I'm full of evil intent
All round me beware
I'm likely to bare
What I shouldn't expose, as a gent
I like the red highlight for the preview but the explanatory text says "..a preview which, in words, means..." - is there an "other" missing?
Cry Havoc! (And let out the dog.)
Thus read a Shakespearian blog
To be? Undecided.
Our winter: now chided.
All grist for the new pedagogue.
There was a young fellow called Danny That last one was a bit posh, eh?
Who felt very keen on his granny
His fetish for dentures
Regaled his wild ventures
But he drew the line at her fanny Coat...
píu mosso, col legno, atacca
e conflagrazione alpaca
E per si muove
Implorate Giove I don't think this is terribly good Italian grammar
E venerare Signore Chewbacca
The brightness of Venus is striking (Knobbly) Too right. It's from the Nicht gefingerpoken school of European languages.
But slightly too brash for my liking
The evening star
That shines from afar oblig.
Is an excellent guide when night-hiking
Be honest, and tell me your thoughts
Whether fully worked out or mere orts [orts: crumbs, scraps (Dictionary of obscure words)]
For a trouble when shared
Like a soul that is bared
Is soft like a sofa from Courts
nice :-)
Just say what you think. Don't hold back
Even if what you say gets a smack
Yet, an eye for an eye
Isn't something I'd try
When the faux pas occurs in the sack
The premise on which this is based
Yields a sport, keenly fought and fast-paced
Yes! it's Twister-by-email
Designed for the female
All dressed up in basques, tightly laced.
"Are all muppets Jews?" she enquired
"Or are they by Allah inspired?"
"Are controlling hands Druid?"
"With their movement so fluid" Oblig., more or less
"Or just puppets sewn and wired?"
The cause of my facial contusion
Is a thin air and plate glass confusion
The one is ethereal
The other's material
And my face, their media for fusion.
A good dump of snow in the morning
Is a reason to stay in bed yawning
'Cos all the damn schools
Will be closed; safety rules The little buggers might get COLD!
Must all be obeyed. That's a warning.
This comedy mask doesn't fit
In places it pinches a bit
And it's not really funny
To look like a bunny
Who's crouching and ready to... spit
Open season on pantomime dames
John Inman's been shot down in flames
Dale Winton's in panic
Frank Bruno's just ... manic
But don't mess with Botham; he maims. . . . rather unfair to him, actually, but this has been hanging around for a few days now.
This feels just the winter for cricket
I think I'll be keeping the wicket
But bowling on ice
Is not very nice
To penguins; take your ball and stick'et.
There once was a svelte young brunette
Who was smuggled aboard a corvette
The boot was too small - what's a corvette?
Though she curled in a ball - [Chalky] Er, it's a small ship, so unlikely to have a boot really, but we'll pretend we're talking about a Corvette Stingray shall we ? ;-)
A position she called cul-à-tête
My new sailing ship has a boot :-D
I'm a Corsair so I'll fill it with loot while on the boat/car bifircation...
An act of no Merit That's my rough little Corsa.
Like slipping a ferret
Down a gentleman's whistle-and-flute
When a bear does his job in the wood
(Proverbially, just as it should)
The mice in the grass
Start nibbling his arse
With hindsight they'd've run if they could. [a bit dull sorry - anything to get things moving again ...]
The cause of this sorry affair
So foul that I do not dare
To mention the fact
I have nada for tact
So I'll tell the whole world, I don't care
I've managed, without interference,
Ahem
I've managed, without interference,
To alter my husband's appearance
He's now eight feet tall
But has only one ball sorrysorrysorry
And that needs a sixteen-inch clearance - oooh - what a monster I've created
For those with testicular gigantism . . . there ought to be a few rhymes, and if not, well, bollocks.
(Barring the mono or double schism) Mmmm, yes, that could work, subject to the scansion police
It's wise, I suspect, throwing caution to the wind...
To join the new sect
Baptised by immersion in... (No, I can't bring myself to type it.)
It takes just a moment to find [Raak] admirable restraint, sir,
That an orange tastes better "sans rind";
But if you chew the pips
Take this wisest of tips Pompous, moi?
- just don't take the pith: 'tis unkind.
A river of buttons doth flow
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