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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Said Mindy to Mork
"You're likely to get us both glassed"
An odd-looking bird is the stork
But tasty with onions and pork
It delivers babies
And can't transmit rabies
But its voice is much better than Bjork
A chicken which once crossed the road
Fell in love with a natterjack toad
It stopped for a chat
Result, they begat
A fowl in amphibian mode
A chicken that's born with frog's legs
Results from the scrambling of eggs
When cloning goes wrong
You'll find it's not long
Before the gene pool is nothing but dregs
A tune in the Dorian mode
Sung by a natterjack toad
Is likely to cause
loud, ringing applause
From the bloke in the pub 'cross the road.
Unlike froggies, most toads are all warty
Green, slimy and not very sporty
They don't like to joke
Or eat artichoke
Or do anything cheeky or naughty
By golly that just takes the biscuit!
Ten quid for some gristly old brisket
That's just taking the piss
My arse you can kiss
The feeling is nice if you risk it
hmmm... didn't like that much, but oh well.
When will my tomatoes be ripe?
They go so well with custard and tripe
Just place in the sun
You'll know when they're done
If you are a greenhousey type.
Tomatoes make such great bruschetta
With a glass of Peroni® much better
Add some antipasta
And Laetitia Casta [Simply scrumpotious!]
Then gently bend over toiletta
So swiftly he mounted his horse
That he fell off into the gorse
I said, "That'll learn 'im"
As he fractured his sternum
Maybe now he'll agree to divorce. - pen - very funny ending to the biscuit one I thought!
When your plant starts to wither and die
You should let them pickle in lye
And then let them whiten
The more so to frighten
The Dark Gothic Masters of Rye [that was rubbish - I know - but no worse than going from a singular plant into the plural - gosh, I'm in bullish mode tonight]
It's widely assumed that pigs sweat (Chalky) Yes, you are, aren't you. What's the weather like down there in Spiral City? :-)
But just to be safe, ask the vet
He'll tell you, I'm sure,
That your pig is impure
If he don't use deodorant yet
It is widely assumed that moles sing [R,J,D,D,p - nice]
A selection from Wagner's Ring
The part of Brunnhilde
(Portrayed as a builder)
Is a concession to feminist bling.
It is said that owls they are wise
As to why I can only surmise
Since they can't do sudoku
just like that bloke who (Wymo) Their wisdom is in doing something more interesting, such as perching.
Can't also so he never tries
"Pudenda"'s a funny old word
I'd use it if I were a bird
As a bloke I'm more blunt careful.....
With a wink and a grunt "careful" he says... *rolls eyes*
Use another I'm sure you have heard.
A walk by the Nile is just grand (Rosie) Indeed.
As I stroll with my love, hand in hand
The crocodiles yawn
They'd like some soft porn
So they sit back an watch my grand stand. moving swiftly on...
When crocodiles bask by the river
Make sure that you cover your liver
In onions and gravy
And call out the Navy
'Cos they're all sure to want a thin sliver
Relax and lie back in this chair
Said the dentist, a man without care
This may not be nice
But you take my advice
Be thankful I don't drill down there
[Darren] well done - I was havering with You've got to brush more than your hair! but was thinking it was rather boringly unsubversive...
You've got to brush more than your hair Waste not...
Your teeth, for example, and where Unfinished sentence...
The sun doesn't shine
At the base of your spine
Then plait it and look debonair
Just sit down carefully afterwards, is my advice.
When digging up bodies at night
You may meet with a ghostie or sprite
They may glow in the dark
And pinch bums for a lark
And somtimes they'll give you a fright
When playing a scale on the drums
You get to a point when there comes (Pr) 'n' I fought you was musical
A high "C" that sounds
[Rosie] They could be timpani :P
Outside of the bounds
Of regular drum tum-ti-tums
You coward, come 'ere and say that!
My first-born is not- not a gay brat!,
Though often he's stroppy
His wrist is not floppy
And supports Millwall, the daft twat. (Projoy) Could be! Nudge, nudge.
Prepare for the pancake of death
Made from chocolate, beef lard, and meth
It's highly emetic
And quite anaaethetic
And doesn't do much for your breath
Now prepare for the pizza of life
Topped with joy and a sprinkling of strife
Try not to be cheesey
Life should be easy-peasy
Consumed in slices with a fork and a knife(using the scansion license #312)
Our license to life may expire
If we find ourselves playing with fire (see CdM's recent hyperlink over at MCiOS by way of demonstration)
For an arsonist's woes
And inadequate prose
May arouse a literary ire.
There once was a man from New Delhi
Whose favorite dish was Cow Jelly
But to eat sacred cow
's Something none will allow
not e'en in the trendiest deli.
A scunner, call'd Cambell by name
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