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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Left him forlorn and glum
And with bad indigestion to boot!
The storms of the wild Southern Ocean
Make a very unsettling commotion
Whose effect on landlubbers
Dustmen, nurses and clubbers
Evokes tormentuous emotion
O, list to these omens portentuous
Yon Cassius' a Roman contemptuous
But he has feet of Clay
So send him away!
And let's bring in Marcus Antonius
While making his last bid for glory
Michael Howard, the wily old Tory
stripped anked and swam apologies to anyone eating their lunch
Asking, "What's 'anked', kind Ma'am?"
And displaying his assets, quite hoary.
The weekend is finally here I couldn't decide whether Irouléguy had got the letters in the wrong order or simply left one out.
Lawks m'm, it's the police
I'll be loafing and vegging, right here [PM] we have nothing to hide but our genius ;o)
Opening a bottle blushes deeply
muttleee] It's the first one - a venial sin, not a mortal one.
And binging, full throttle
On the whisky and beer I've got here.
While reading some tales Canterbury
Of widows and others quite merry
I marvelled at Chaucer's
linguistic enforcers
But thought the sex unnecessary. well .. someone had to finish it :-)
[Chalks] Bravo!
In my dreams, I'm a dustbin man's moll
He whispers his love, "Aw'ight, doll?"
"I'd like ta talk dirty"
"'mong the garbage get flirty"
I came top in the Binman's Moll Poll
pen hates it when subordinates sulk
So she buys pink highlighters in bulk
She then hands them all out
Before they all pout
Or make stupid faces, or skulk. [RSnap] I think the pink pens caused the sulking ...
The best time of year to grow leeks
Are the three intermediate weeks What I want to know is, how did it realise I had spent so long thinking of a first line that Darren beat me to it and point it out?
When Winter's well-spent
and the first days of Lent I proof read with pink pen. I don't let anyone else use it, and I certainly don't hand them out!
By calendars of Orthodox Greeks
"The reason is clear" he explained
"When the grime and the grease are ingrained unfini...
In the prints on your fingers, Still unfin...
and foul odour lingers
It's time for your bath to be drained."
He continued, "I think you will find
"That a dirty bath cleanses the mind,"
And, proving his point,
He swivelled his joint
and mounted the duck from behind.
I've heard mud packs are great for complexion
Along with a Botox® injection
To the front of the brain
Straight into a vein
To give you that facial erection
To poke fun at a pig in a poke
One needs an insensitive bloke
Who lunches on cats
And wears bright purple spats
Such as the men one finds in Stoke
Your claims have no basis in fact
Men of Stoke have oodles of tact
And manners to spare
So if you are there
You'll see that their brains are intact
Unfortunately, they are insane
So is my scansion. Let's try again.
Unfortunately, they're insane
Or so say the folks from Brisbane
But how would they know?
Since they so seldom go
Anywhere Northwest of Ukraine
There was a young fellow called Keith
Who sported elongated teeth
He would prey in the night
For morsels to bite
And thusly his curse would bequeath
There was a young feller called Ernie
Who appeared in E.R. - on a gurney
He hadn't a line
But just let out a whine
As he acted the end of life's journey No flowers please. Sniffle.
When you become overly tired [continuing from "thusly" above]
You may appear badly attired
With two mismatched socks
And your sisters best frocks
(insert apostrophe wherever desired)
and those black shiny stockings you hired.
The sandman is coming, my dear
Night drapes our celestial sphere
If you shut your eyes tight
And wish hard, you just might
In the morning, with luck, still be here
Are those French fries called French by the French?
Ask that lady of wisdom, Dame Dench
No, the French call then Frites
Because of their heat
And apply them to feet - cures the stench
I drift in a boat on the ocean
I drift in a boat on the ocean
And rub, on my skin, suntan lotion
My feet get Huile d'Frites [see above]
As the French say, tout de suite,
But my vomiting's due to the motion.
And now let us celebrate summer
Tho' the weather's a bit of a bummer
We'll just be beach bums
Each downing neat rums
Before driving off in our Hummer
If you want to impress an old flame
Invite her to go on the game
For cricket she'll love
With bat, balls and glove
But removing the stumps was a pain
My favourite firework of all
Is this rocket that stands six foot tall
The touchpaper lit
It then scares the shit
out of children who stand under it
In the beautiful waters so clear
Fixing Starsky's F*uck-up

Darren - My favourite firework of all
Robin - Is this rocket that stands six foot tall
Botherer - The touchpaper lit
Rosie - It then scares the shit
Software - Out of us as sparks from it fall

Starsky - In the beautiful waters so clear

Swam two little creatures quite queer
Their antics and games
Went up in flames
Burning offshore oilrigs being near.
The weekend's upon us at last!
I'm sure we'll all have a blast!
That's dangerous talk!
Said Mindy to Mork
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