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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Two fried balls of a hog
And from his own pet warthog, the gizzard. Brothers and sisters, let us all puke.
Quoth the hoary old priest, "Let us pray"
"That the rain won't stop tennis this day"
"It's God's favoured game"
So take the Lord's name
So that He can keep showers away"
"I'm back!", cried the happy young man
I survived the war in Iran
But President Bush
Kicked us all in the tush
In the way that only he can.
Resign if you must - I don't care!
You can sue me in court -if you dare!
But you must not try
To poke me in the eye
Or all of your sins I'll lay bare.
I find, when I travel in vans
That there's not enough room for my fans
My groupies and flunkeys
And trained helper-monkeys
Are forced to stay over at Gran's
Gran's last guests were Hansel and Gretel
While Grandad's were Debbie and Petal
While I entertained
With arts unexplained (who's slash?)
Bands: rock, punk, heavy metal.
So what's Shangri-La when at home?
It's to lie in a bathtub in foam
And feast on the feeling
Of pruning and peeling
And arouse yourself with a comb.
While trekking in Lhasa, Tibet
I met a piano quintet
The head lama played Liszt
Another was pissed
I'm taking one home as a pet
I noticed my armpits got sweaty
whenever I thought of my Betty
My hyperhydrosis
Backs up the prognosis
That I need to cool off on the jetty.
Last night as she entered her bed,
My sweat glands started to shed
Big globules of puss
Puss?! As in cat? Priceless. Carry on chaps ...
Ah med a reet fuss attempting a rescue.....
'Bout disgusting lim'ricks - 'nuff said
O to be a perfect type - ist
And to be a flawless rhymist (the scansion, on the other hand...)
That's a dream we all have, (Then tonite I’d want to get pissed!)
As we sit on the lav There's only one direction this 'limerick' is going, and that's daaaahhhnnnn
After riches (still top of the list)
Let's all get in tune with the nation
And channel our exasperation
To make a wrong right
We'll work through the night did think of "We'll kick the shite" but thought it might not pass the PC test.
In a fever of pheromonation. There's a PC test?
When you want to re-boot your PC
Make sure the keyboard's not greasy
Press "Ctrl-Alt-Del" pronounced "delete", not "del"
And all will be well
Let's try (It's a bit of a cheat) instead. [Raak] Do pay attention... ;-)
So long as you press the right key, see? / So long as you press the right key, see?
.. bifurcation to validate BOTH line 4s [mutt - I'm sure Raak knew exactly what he was doing]:-)
A young chap from Horncastle, Lincs
went once to see the Sphinx
He loved his dear camel
Whom he named after Pamel-
a Anderson. Why? 'cause she stinks.
A mad bomber from -- no, too soon for that I think.

On a stroll in the gardens of Kew [Chalky] Well, I know now, I didn't see the middle two words.

I discovered a cure for the 'flu
Once I'd eaten the herb
the bugs to disturb
And it cured too my coeliac sprue
"Play 'Misty' for me!", bellowed Wendy.
To her new man - a Turkish effendi
He played not a note
Nor strummed his sarod
Or blew on his brass horn so bendy.
I know I've been gone for a while
And left in a worrying style
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