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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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One holiday weekend in May
I went to a very strange play
Just an empty old stage
Holding Nicholas Cage
With music by John. Stay away.
I wish I could play violin
'Cos fiddling is said to be 'in'
Like fiddling the books
With too many cooks
Can lead to many a sin
rats misaligned
In politics, all is not fair
Unless you support Tony Blair
Whose radical stance
on invading France
Touched the heart of the public right there.
The wilderness threatens my garden
So in tactics I beg no one's pardon
I'll brandish this scythe
And Paraquat-ize
And wait for the green concrete to harden
Bordellos in Brighton-on-Sea
Actually, scrub that, probably has more potential as:
Bordellos on Frinton-on-Sea
Are the place where we'd all like to be
Yes, grab a granny
And then shag a trannie [oh dear- SO sorry - very naughty]
with no need to fear pregnancee. ©G & S
I bring you the following news:
The government's bought Rodney Bewes
They're selling Mo Mowlam
(She was just a golem)
And increasing the tax on left shoes [Chalks] Re: Rude line - I wrote almost the same one myself but then thought better of it and didn't post it!

[pen] ah yes, my 'bravery'. Look at the time of posting :-)
[Rosie] Top finishing btw
[K,UK,m,INJ,p] latest lim - bravo!
She attributes her high popularity
To her straightforward honest vulgarity
Her Je ne sais quoi
And the size of her bra Sorry...
Are the cause of much frequent hilarity.
Oh, woe and alas and alack!
My baby's been caught smoking crack!
I do hope her craving
Will stop her from shaving
The fur off our guinea pig's back.
I've been lost for a rather long time
Got stuck in the sunniest clime
It might sound inviting
But not when you're fighting
for rhyme so sublime it will chime.
Tomorrow, I think I'll go fishing
My Wife wont even know that I'm missing
I'll take stacks of beer
To the end of the pier
And over the end I'll be pissing oblig.
Of first lines, I'm heartily sick (six out of the last nine, including this one)
They really do get on my wick
So next time I'll wait
till I see the bait (pen) Isn't that rather difficult for the fair sex?
Then in my 10p's worth I'll stick!
[Rosie: a propos your comment to pen: my family and I (including my wife's mother) were out for a walk in the New Forest some while ago. Half way through the walk, my mother-in-law had to heed the call of nature and took herself off the path. My younger son, Sam, noticed her absence. "Where's Grandma Alice gone?", he asked. "She's gone to do a wee-wee", my wife told him. He absorbed this information and we moved on. After a few moments, he tugged at my sleeve. I leaned down and he whispered urgently into my ear: "how's she going to hit the tree?".
It seems I just can't stop this racket
Next time I may add one more bracket ;-)
and layers of felt (Kim) He knows too much. :-)
Pulled from my belt
And pockets I tore from your jacket a bit weak, but it seems nobody wanted to end this one...
I double-post here to spare Kim
For too many first lines is grim
But third line is easy
By the fourth, I am queasy
Now we're done, so back over to him
If you think this is me - well it's not
But quite who it is, I forgot
It certainly aint me
And I am not he
So let's explore who we are - in the cot.
Three hundred grams of hard cheese
Lovingly applied to the knees
Will server to save
A maid or a knave
From vicious attacks of large bees
While applying a nice coat of lacquer
My wrist just gets limper and slacker
But, once it dries off
I stiffen and cough
Up that lump of slimy chew-bacca
A frivolous lass from Manchester
Would go out wearing just a sou'wester
She said "I'm not cold, *open quote alert*
and I'm told I'm quite bold, *continues*
by the visiting fans up from Leicester."
I won't do it! No! You can't make me!!
I will not go into that teepee
I'll stay in my yurt
, my loins primly girt
I simply will not let you take me!
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a goat
Sought out the Conservative vote
For each was a Tory
A right fairy story
Politically, they've missed the boat.
The Cup has come back to North London
It's fashioned from polycarbundun - that means 'crappy old plastic'
It leaks like a sieve
But, as long as I live,
I'll boast that at least we have won one
To Bombay, a travelling circus Sorry... ;-)
Made think us, say! what if we lurk us?
So we hid in the corner
Right behind the sauna
So no one or nothing could irk us! :)!
There was a young lass from Old Sarum
Who found herself in a sheik's harem
Though worried at first,
She rallied and cursed: *open quotes implied*
"They don't know I'm a boy! That'll scare 'em!"
[R,i,J,I,B] Heheheheh!
It's not a good morning for all
Who stayed up too late at the ball
For wine has effects
On some types of sex
Male or female, this mess will appal
I met a harpoonist from Munich
Who was seeing a Swiss gnome from Zurich
He whimpered and whaled
Then simpered and sailed Open alert...
Away in his shocking pink tunic
Bangaladesh have collapsed
[UK] What sort of Line 1 is that?
For their use of good grammar has lapsed
Can we speak Bengali? I think that's their language.
The metre and length are there, and it's a reference to the first day's play in the first test match.
[UK] sorry, I did rather pounce on you. Just a build up of mild frustration that after some wonderful free-flowing limericks over the last couple of months, this game seems to have become clogged up by clever-arse rhyming challenges. Spelling it out: Bangladesh has only two 'a's' so you've inserted an extra syllable; using a proper singular noun, the line should read 'has collapsed'; how many rhymes are there for a word ending in '-lapsed' apart from other words ending in, er ... '-lapsed'?; finally, test match eh? whoopee-dee
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