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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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A sheep dipped in derv
But you'll have to admit - that's a first.
As I stepped away from the urinal
I went arse-over-tit on the vinyl
Then I slid to the sink
Set my nose in a kink
Now it smells just like Domestos pine'll
When dogs catch the scent of a pine
They'll either cock a leg or whine
But the worst part is this
On your leg they may p*ss rising to the bait :-)
And the owners a £25 fine
There's going to be an election
So gentlemen, wear some protection
For what's coming up
From the depths of my cup
It's a wonder of nat'ral selection.
On this day of a right royal wedding
All adultrous stigma they're shedding
But to just say 'Ones Sorry'
For a 31-year foray
Would ignore many sessions of bedding
I bring you a new kind of drink
It is made with the musk of a mink
And, since it is fizzy,
You're bound to get dizzy (Oblig.)
And spill most of the drink down the sink
I did about half, then gave up
It's so hard to wash a whole cup
With hands that are soft
I just lazily waft
Some Fairy suds in the general direction of the kitchen sink and then wander off to play with my Weimeraner pup
The battle for gold is intense
though tin's just as good, and less dense
The bronze age's agent
Was copper's reagent Basta*d rhyme, mutter, gripe
But steel wire's the best for a fence
I'm willing to negotiate
Please Joe, say it ain't so
argh, sorry...
  • Kim - I'm willing to negotiate
  • CdM - So tell me please, what's your best rate?
    • If we can agree [CdM] What a curious misspost - am wondering if it offers a window into your psyche :-)
    By quarter to three
    Then we can make it before its too late
    variation time:
    May we invite alternative last lines? [no offence, S'ware] It seemed to have so much potential ...
    I'll start with
    I'm willing to negotiate
    So tell me please, what's your best rate?
    If we can agree
    By quarter to three
    My ego won't over-inflate.
    [Chalky] Nothing so interesting; I just failed to notice when I previewed that I was also simulposted. :-)
    [CdM] I used to have a really patronising message warning you about that, but it upset snorgle so I turned it off.
    By four-o-clock I'll find a date
    This time I won't procrastinate
    So let's get it on
    Tuj] I may be wrong but I think the previous two lines were alternative endings - which is entirely my fault for over-complicating things ...however, it all fits so I'll follow ..
    Chalky - Before this mood's gone
    So to bed where we'll procreate [Suitable, Chalks?]
    [CdM, Chalks, Irouleguy, Softers, Juxtapose, Pen, Tuj] Most satisfactory. This should become a variation of the game, where a number of alternatives for lines 3, 4 and 5 are suggested (but 1 and 2 remain fixed).
    Now, if you'll just slip on this slip
    You may trip up just a bit Thanks for the accolade, Kim :-)
    And slide on the floor
    And collide with the door
    Taking care not to bite on your lip
    There once was an artist from Prague
    Who painted the central Camargue
    White horses galore
    Galloping along the shore
    Entre toute des grandes vagues
    There was a young lady from Tottenham (Softers) Je suis impressionné
    Short skirts - wow! She really looked hot 'n 'em
    With her legs e're so long
    And quadriceps strong
    And clogs, that she got straight from Rotterdam.
    A gent who was sent up to Ghent
    Caused havoc wherever he went
    When he jourmeyed from Aix
    "journeyed"...
    He let loose a hex
    Since his pronunciation was bent
    You give me lager when I ask for beer
    And cast me down when I just want good cheer Are we creating a new form, the limeronnet?
    But give me a cider [Raak] No... ;)
    Complete with dead spider Ahhhh! scrumpy..
    And you just watch me disappear!
    "Would you like an extra strong mint?"
    As a chat-up line [maybe a hint?]
    Can only be said
    "I'd rather be dead!"
    "Well, I'd buy you a beer, but I'm skint"
    When you finish your call and ring off
    I can't help but think "what a toff"
    Your accent is posh
    You talk utter tosh
    From my list you will now be struck orff.
    I once met a psychic named Beth
    Who told me the date of my death
    It was two months ago
    Which just goes to show
    Thou shouldst e'er ignore what Beth saith.
    I died on the first day of Spring
    And lay dead as a very dead thing
    I nourish the worms
    But can't come to terms
    With r&b, swingbeat or bling
    The one thing to remember is this:
    Keep your feet wide apart when you piss sorrysorrysorry
    Urine-soaked feet
    For girl's is not neat
    You'll not be number one for a kiss.
    The good folk of Tierra del Fuego
    Know just how to make a good play go
    Their theatre's fame
    Derives from its name:
    "The Performers of Japanese Plays - No"
    The insurance you sold me's no cushion
    So don't come back round to me pushin'
    With your foot in the door
    Your patter's a bore
    So scram, or I'll clobber yer mush in!
    Let's open a new pack of verses
    So cough up, chaps, and open your purses
    They cost a pound each
    The basics we'll teach
    Of rhyming and meter and curses
    The people who live down the road
    Have cornered the market in woad
    They paint themselves blue
    An interesting hue
    Then explode like a germanic toad (what a great story that was)
    Actually; following on from the aborted bifurcating limerick...
    As you eat this Duck à l'Uranium
    To the sound of the sweet-toned harmanium (which is like a harmonium, but more harmanous)
    You might catch a queck (which is like quick but more quacky)
    peek at the old beck (which is like a bick, but sharper)
    Or dig around inside its cranium. (which is a bit like a...oh, sod it.)
    One holiday weekend in May
    I went to a very strange play
    Just an empty old stage
    Holding Nicholas Cage
    With music by John. Stay away.
    I wish I could play violin
    'Cos fiddling is said to be 'in'
    Like fiddling the books
    With too many cooks
    Can lead to many a sin
    rats misaligned
    In politics, all is not fair
    Unless you support Tony Blair
    Whose radical stance
    on invading France
    Touched the heart of the public right there.
    The wilderness threatens my garden
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    Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord