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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Bats coated in toffee
And virgins we'll get to defile.
My cat has got stuck in the hoover
listening to the Bolan Groover
Now they jam in duette
Singing Alanis Morrissette
And Doug Sahm's She's about a mover
Whilst buying some bread at the shops
I also bought barley and hops
You may say that's small beer
But never you fear!
My pot still makes potcheen that's the tops!
Testing, one two and three
Why's this microphone wired to me?
'cos nothing I say
will enliven your day
More than watching daytime TV.
Turn left then go right at the gate
Twenty paces, then remove some slate
In the hole that you'll find
Is some bacon rind
Bring it here, put it straight on my plate. yum yum
My instincts, though somewhat subdued
Involve the consumption of food
My nibbling nature
Destroyed every plate yer
Put in front of me - ain't I rude?
My birthday's just one day away
I'll be ninety-three, so my kids say
But deep down I know
All the wild oats I sow
Is what has turned my hair grey.
I'm going to buy a new house
One which comes with a resident mouse Sorry, rab.
who will nibble my cheese
And give the kids fleas
And teach them to speak fluent Scouse KC - welcome back!
I'm going to buy a new love
Who'll hopefully fit like a glove
we'll skip 'mongst the daisies
Like a couple of crazies
Whilst vultures circle above
I once had a thoroughbred buzzard
well jolly good for you - didn't know they existed
All the vultures and kites thought he wuz 'ard
He married a thrush
Though had a mad crush
Chalky] I can as long as my poetic licence is in date.
On a peregrine falcon from Luzzard.
I once had a Falcon called Ken
Who drank all the scotch in my den
His resulting bad head
Imploded then bled
All over my carpet - bloody alcoholic falcons, ruined it is. RUINED, I tell you.
sorry, couldn't resist.
There once was a chap from Khartoum
Who scootered a way to his doom
Up the old Khyber Pass
Keeping Off The Grass
'cos it's really strong stuff, I assume.
I once knew a kestrel named Don
Who wasn't sure which side he was on
Though he he quite liked the hens Thanks Irouleguy - good to be back :)
err excuse the double 'he' - I was not in fact laughing (it's too early in the limerick for that) What I in fact meant was
Though he quite liked the hens
He hung out in the Men's
I'll check if he's there.....oh he's gone
I can't look; if I do I am cursed
by those who despise Damien Hirst
Because he's preserved
A sheep dipped in derv
But you'll have to admit - that's a first.
As I stepped away from the urinal
I went arse-over-tit on the vinyl
Then I slid to the sink
Set my nose in a kink
Now it smells just like Domestos pine'll
When dogs catch the scent of a pine
They'll either cock a leg or whine
But the worst part is this
On your leg they may p*ss rising to the bait :-)
And the owners a £25 fine
There's going to be an election
So gentlemen, wear some protection
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